I suspect I over reacted

[Vladimar]

Briefly, a close relative passed away last week. I was very close to this person. That morning my long term partner (working away) texted from work and I replied with the news.

He texted back some condolences. I fully expected a call when he could but got no call, though he did text later to say he was there if I needed him.

We had a call 4 days later, I rang, and we chatted about other things. I started thinking after this how it was strange it was never mentioned and really reversed it imagining he had told me similar news, how i would have acted.

During a subsequent call I mentioned a phone call would have been the done thing and he accused me of trying to start a row, I was making him walk a tight rope etc and he couldn't believe I would guilt him.

Again, if this were reversed I imagine I would have said I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot! Sorry darling etc... Not asked the other person how dare they bring up their feelings!

Am I being precious?

I am the lest precious person in the world, but I think he has acted very shabbily

Does he have form for being a self absorbed nob ?

*least

Maybe he didnt want to bring it up unless you did it first.

You did not over-react. He's being a wanker.

I am more pissed off at his reaction to me bringing it up and yes he does have form

He said he felt like he was being interrogated (I think cos I asked if he'd been in bed till noon) and he jumped straight in and said I was always making problems where there wasn't any and my tone of voice had been "off" the previous day!!!

Nope. You're not being precious. Does he hate being in the wrong and generally try to turn it back on you? That's what it looks like from this snapshot.

Yes!!!!...definitely. To the extent that If I ever raise something he counter raises something from sometimes ages back...and I feel like why don't you raise your own bloody issues when you have them instead of when I raise something!! Grrr!

You didn't over react - his behaviour was very shitty.

Sounds like my Ex. When I pointed out he had left sprinkles on the toilet seat because he couldn't be bothered to lift the seat, he shot back "well, you've left sprinkles before now"

Is he a fair weather partner.. not want to know if you're hurting in general?

I'm sorry about your loss

Thank you. Yes I guess he is. But mainly I think he's just a bit of a nob.

What's the point of a partner who won't support you in your time of need?

He sounds hard work and not there through thick and thin. With the previous form- what kind of thing? Does he hold you to 'account' if you 'displease' him? Does he expect more from you than he gives?

he sounds like a twat

he sounds like a twat

I agree with AHat

what exactly is the point of him?

That's more or less how I feel to be honest.

get shut of him then

It's a dump and run case, I think. It sounds like you deserve better - and I'm sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine not being mortified if I spoke to someone on the phone and didn't ask after their relative who had just died, never mind my own partner!

He should have been saying sorry.

Is it normal that you text and it's normal not to talk for days on end?

My Dh is away atm and we'll speak at least once a day, plus he'll call our daughter. No way we'd ever go one day without talking, let alone if a relative had just died.

AHat got right to it. Be careful, this kind of crap can quickly leave you very demoralised. You're already questioning yourself because of his accusations.... I'd get out.

Sorry for your loss

Thank you all of you. I have four kids (including a toddler) and work and pets etc, lone parent. He has none of the above, well, a full time job, so when he's away he doesn't understand that I'm run ragged till 10pm then bed.

He doesn't call anymore as he has got fed up in the past with me not picking up or answering texts,so now he says he won't either.

We do go a couple of days sometimes without talking. I genuinely don't get a minute some days.