I suspect I over reacted

[Vladimar]

Briefly, a close relative passed away last week. I was very close to this person. That morning my long term partner (working away) texted from work and I replied with the news.

He texted back some condolences. I fully expected a call when he could but got no call, though he did text later to say he was there if I needed him.

We had a call 4 days later, I rang, and we chatted about other things. I started thinking after this how it was strange it was never mentioned and really reversed it imagining he had told me similar news, how i would have acted.

During a subsequent call I mentioned a phone call would have been the done thing and he accused me of trying to start a row, I was making him walk a tight rope etc and he couldn't believe I would guilt him.

Again, if this were reversed I imagine I would have said I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot! Sorry darling etc... Not asked the other person how dare they bring up their feelings!

Am I being precious?

plumping is right of course Vlad. You know him best. Do what you need to do to keep safe and minimise stress.

We are all behind you whatever you do

Thanks...and i will update x

Thank you Vlad, same to you for your loss too.

The only reason for me personally to send the text is my own piece of mind. For me the text would symbol closure, I have stood up for myself and told him I want no further contact. His number would be immediately blocked and that would be the last I thought of him.

If he had the audacity to turn up at my door I wouldn't answer it at all, out of courtesy to the police and trying to save resources I would open a window to tell him I have nothing to say and wish for no further contact so get off my property and then I would be ringing the police to remove him if he failed to do so himself, and I would ring them immediately if any other time he continued to be a pain in the ass as he would have been told twice-once written down as proof.

He's a cock, he's never gonna admit he's a cock, because then he would have to admit he was wrong and he can't do that, his ego won't let him but you have more than enough going on in your life without him trying to goad you. Once you have taken control in a way which suits you, you will feel a lot better in yourself.

That's true..I think I get caught up in the whole righteousness of getting someone to see the utter cockishness of their ways and you're right...that will never happen so there is no resolution.

FYI Vladimar, I'm one of the few that knew he meant 'circlejerk' in the Reddit sense when I posted - hence why I mentioned TheRedPill! He sounds like he's absorbed far too much information about women being moody, changeable and manipulative, to the point where he can't even recognise that any 'moodiness' he thinks he perceives is either because you've just lost your close relative or because he's fucked up and you're not OK with it. He's a lost cause. Please don't apologise to him ever again. :)

What's TheRedPill Smilla?

Vlad, what is it that's making you feel too vulnerable to break up with someone right now? (you mentioned this upthread)

As I see it, being in a romantic relationship with an entitled prick who makes you feel bad, is something emotionally draining, and erodes self-esteem. This relationship is making you vulnerable.

You will actually regain strength (your own self-esteem and emotional reserves) by ending it.

The funeral, and i have a health issue with more tests the day after which is scaring the bejeezus out of me.

Poor you. You really have a lot going on.

I hope the funeral will bring you some solace in your grief, as you remember your relative along with others who knew her.
I'm sorry you have to go through medical tests too, that is scary. Will you have a supportive person to talk to after the tests, like a good friend?

Hi Goats, thanks. I have no one around but I do have a cousin I can talk to on the phone.

I just read TheRedPill on Reddit. What a total circle jerk!!

Nice use of 'circle jerk'.

He's always on Reddit...is affronted by my being a feminist and definitely thinks women are just after the highest earner, don't know if he reads that sub though. Not that it matters.

And thanks Smilla, I thought so too

Why you poor thing you have so much on your plate and that arsehole is emotionally blackmailing you on top of everything.

I hope your little boy is better by the way.

Thanks...he is a bit better but still up and down, kind of you to ask x

There are some very fucked up guys subscribed to TheRedPill on Reddit.

Just so you know, if you log onto Reddit it gives you personalised content based only on what you're subscribed to. I lurk on Reddit and nothing from TheRedPill has ever shown up cos it can't. I'm not subscribed.

Now the term "circlejerk" is used all over the site, not just in "male" areas as it is used in the non-sexual definition mainly. So even on feminist subreddits you'll see it used.

However......if you ever catch his Reddit open, have a look on the left hand side of the page which lists what he's subscribed to. If you see TheRedPill then you know what kind of women-bashing discussions he enjoys.....and quite possibly takes part in. Hell, he could have posted about you on there.

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now, Vlad. I was reading the thread earlier (over lunch) but didn't have time to post. You mentioned dumping by text - and there was a great suggestion of what to say.
I'm sure that this man's actions and attitude are not helping the current situation, but I know that in your own time you'll do what is right for you.

Thank you Mrs Cosmo...still no contact so that is good. I have the funeral on Monday and test/procedure on Tuesday then I'll be powerful again :)

If he's around I will see his Reddit open as he's always showing me stuff on it so good tip. That RedPill is demented. They're all so terrified of the wimmin'.

Hi Vladimar, just popping by to say that you are so better off with him out of your life. I wish you the best of everything for your health tests and focus on your future.

Life is way too short to use up another second of your precious time on someone who is so shabby. Completely his loss.

Onwards and upwards!

Why would he be around, Vladimar? I can't imagine circumstances where he'd be in your house again.

That's because he will have his feet and his crappy little Reddit account under Vlad's table very soon indeed. She has, and never did, have any intention of getting shut of him.

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

I think his behaviour totally indicative of who he is. People who expect you to reach out to them after a bereavement are lazy selfish arses.

When a friend's uncle died, I sent a card, asked after her and her parents after the funeral and was generally supportive asking how she was etc. (have lost both parents myself).
When I lost my uncle, a very close one, nothing, no card, no how are you.
I got a 'what are you up to text' a few weeks later. I responded saying, struggling, felt very low, death hit me hard. I got a 'call me if you need me' text back. And nothing after, not a phone call, nothing. Have since distanced myself from said friend as she was telling me who she was (had also completely ignored me after a miscarriage too so this was double shit whammy.)

Worse here, he is having a go at you for pulling him up on it - anybody decent would be mortified and be jumping through hoops to right the wrong.

You did not over react.

Ok...so still split from him is my quick update :)