Inappropriate photos of son *possible trigger*

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Omg I'm in shock.

I'm not with my sons father. My son is 5.

He just casually told me that his daddy took a picture of his butt and sent it to someone.

I asked him how he was standing and he showed me that he was laying on his back with his knees drawn to his chest and his anus exposed.

I'm shaking and in shock. What do I do? Shall I report it to the police?

[ARGHtoAHHH]

Just read through the thread and just wanted to say I am thinking of you today.

Also wanted to say, none of this is your fault.

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Hey,

Wow I look horrendous today. I managed to get 3 hours sleep before waking up with a panic attack and couldn't switch back off since.

There was no word from the police by the time were usually due to leave for school so I took him in anyway and spoke to the head, who was very good. He was shocked at the description of the images and couldn't see a logical reason to take a photo like that either. He's taken all the reference numbers down.

I came home to see two uniformed bobbies in my front garden. I'm glad that I'd taken my son in as I think the sight of them would have frightened him. They took down some details and said they're forwarding it on to someone who is going to arrange an interview with my son in a few days in one of those safe home type interview places where he won't realise he won't be interviewed.

Have now been told to try as hard as possible to put this to the back of my mind for a few days.

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Where he won't realise he's being interviewed*

[Rollercola]

Hi op I've been thinking about you this morning. Sounds like it was probably just as well the police didn't come round until after he'd gone to school. The sight of them, especially at that time in the morning, might have scared him.

Hopefully now they will treat this as a matter of urgency and take the appropriate actions.

Take care, it must be your worst nightmare.

[Starlightbright1]

It is a good thing it is moving forward.. I would keep yourself very busy as I cannot imagine how you can put this to the back of your mind. The interview for DS sounds very positive

[3littlebadgers]

It sounds as if this morning worked out for the best. Glad the head is being supportive it must be a huge relief. Did they advise you regarding how to keep him away from his father and what to do about your mother?

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

Sounds like that was a better plan as it turned out - the uniforms might have caused him to clam up completely, whereas it sounds like the person they're referring on to will be far more appropriate and help your DS to open up safely. x

[BeHoHoHove]

Horrible situation for you
Can I just add my voice to the others who have said you are doing the best
thing and clearly have your priorities right.

[TinyWishes]

So sorry you are going through this OP.

Thoughts are with you and your family. Have you heard from your mother or the Ex at all?

You are handling this very well! I don't think I would be of the same composure!

Hope you have some decent rest xxx

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

The school said it will be difficult stopping his dad from picking him up as he has parental responsibility, I will need to apply to the courts to stop him seeing him. However, I'm going to wait until after my sons interview before deciding whether to do that. He isn't due to have him until christmas so I do have a week or so leeway.

No advise regarding my mum. I mentioned to the police her reaction and said that I quickly told him it wasn't his fault as he's not to know and mentioned I was worried that this would cause him to clam up as he is such a sensitive young boy. They said that the children's services are brilliant, that he won't even realise he is being interviewed to know to clam up.

She text me last night saying 'was a very disturbing and totally unprovoked announcement. Can't get my head around it' but I haven't responded. My only guess regarding that is that either she's realised the seriousness of it, or she's spoke to some of her friends (against my wishes) but who are generally social workers/ work with vulnerable people who may have given her a rollicking for her reaction. I haven't responded. I'm just not sure how to handle her at the moment, so think it's best I just ignore her for a bit.

[imyourhuckleberry]

what a horrific situation OP.
Judging from your mum's reaction I would advise that you keep your distance until after your son has discussed it at the "interview". she isn't being helpful at all and may make things even worse.

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Tinywishes- don't get me wrong, I'm a mess, I look like crap and I'm sitting here totally unsure what to do with myself. The logical brain in me has taken over practically but I don't know how to look after myself emotionally regarding all this

[Star8369]

Hi Letme I know exactly how you are feeling right now as my father is currently serving a prison sentence for sexually abusing my younger sister and my daughter if you need a chat/rant private message me

[thewomaninwhite]

Just keep talking Op, we are listening. I too think you are being fab. It must be very tough right now.

[3littlebadgers]

Letme I PM'd you

[cupofteaandbiscuit]

Thinking of you and keep strong. Your son is lucky to have such a brilliant mum. Think you are right to ignore your mum for a bit you need support right now not more problems.
Could you speak to the social workers/ police about emotional support? I am sure they will be able to help you with that side of things not just the practical side.

[KoalaKoo]

You must speak to the police and ask them to help you with regard the school letting yr ex take your son from school. I think they are taking it very seriously, and when they realise ex could pick him up they might speak to the school.

You must also tell police about the pooing vid. This is extreme porn and they will need to know about it so they can pursue the correct line of questionning with yr son.

[Sleepyfergus]

I too have been thinking about you this morning and think you’re doing a terrific job, despite what you might think/look! The best thing about mumsnet is that there is always someone here to reach out to, and unfortunately in this case, others who have experience of this who can hand hold and be there for you, and who get what is happening and how you and your son are feeling.

If your ex isn’t due to have him for a few days, try to enjoy (not trying to sound trite or make light of the situation) the time with your DS doing xmasy things, watching silly movies on tv, going out to see xmas lights/ santa etc and making the most of all the distractions that are about right now.

Thinking of you, and hoping things go well.

[HellKitty]

You should have the contact number of the officer who spoke to you. Call and explain about the school and your worries about DS going to stay with X.

[Tobyjugg]

If someone telling you that you did exactly the right thing helps, then let me do that.

The picture itself is odd. The picture and the video your ds says he saw is disturbing.

You did exactly the right thing.

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

"Unprovoked announcement" Your mother seems to be currently feeling like YOU did this just to ruin her evening! Obviously your 'announcement' was provoked by your ex's inexcusable actions. Here's hoping her sensible friends give her a lecture. Meanwhile, cake, keep on taking care of your family. Eat stuff, please, we don't want you getting all frail. It's a good idea to do whatever you find soothing, and stay in touch with normal life. Thinking of you.

[ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK]

You need to stop blaming yourself!

You have been a good parent before this and after.


You put the needs of child above all in all regards.

You understood he needed a relationship with his father even when you hated him for what he did to you a lot of parents would have stopped that relationship but you were adult enough to understand your child had a right to see his father so you put your feelings away for the needs of your child......

but the minute in fact the second you became aware that that relationship was dangerous to you child you took action!


What more can a parent do! You have and are being excellent.

Please stop beating yourself up you deserve a gold star my darling!

As for your mum your doing the right thing there your not creating extra fights while you deal with the crisis (you can take it further with her later) but while still protecting your child from the effect her hideous attitude could have.


I'm going to pm you as I want to say something not on the thread (personal to me)

[ItIsSmallerOnTheOutside]

Hi op, I'm thinking of you today too. I hope you manage to catch up on some sleep. Try and remember to take care of yourself, have a shower or bath and make sure you eat. Sorry if that sounds silly but I know it can be easy to forget about yourself in situations like this. Even more important for you being pregnant x

[Starlightbright1]

The school are limited on the fact he does have PR...However for my DS they agreed to delay my Ex taking DS until I arrived. This is possible to do.