Inappropriate photos of son *possible trigger*

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Omg I'm in shock.

I'm not with my sons father. My son is 5.

He just casually told me that his daddy took a picture of his butt and sent it to someone.

I asked him how he was standing and he showed me that he was laying on his back with his knees drawn to his chest and his anus exposed.

I'm shaking and in shock. What do I do? Shall I report it to the police?

Although I'd hope someone would give the OP a courtesy phone call tonight to say what's happening.

• I've emailed the school to demand a meeting with the head first thing tomorrow morning.

• I'm going to chase up the police shortly.

• my mums reaponse to this is actually disgusting...

'you seriously need to talk to #%. You need an expaination of some sorts. I cannot stress to you how absolutley massive this will become if you go straight to the police as you have no previous cause of concern. Social services, police, school, gp, health visitor, children centre, solicitors, court of protection will all at some point be alerted and your whole extended family will be spoken to. How many times has ^ pulled down his pants unexpedidly for no reason? He was doing it to ME today when i was trying to take a picture of him doing a goofy grin! Please consider what im saying. Im sure %% is totally safe you need to know why and what happened for *^ to say that.'

That's weird right? Who gives a damn about the aggro this will cause. My son has inappropriate photo of him taken and distributed. My main concern is my son and his welfare. I actually can't believe she's saying any of this

LittleRedRidongHoodie has given you really good advice re the school. I too am a little bit worried about your mum. Is there any good in calling the police again to tell them you are going out of your mind with worry, and you are concerned about the reaction of your mother, to see if they can speed things along for you? Might not help but maybe worth a try?

ignore your mum. She has no idea what the hell she's talking about. She's talking social services doctors and court protection. Ffs talk about scaremongering. Chances are almost most she's mentioned won't be contacted.

She should be supporting you not behaving like this

But can she not see that maybe he is flashing as a result of the way his father has been treating him? Even if the risk is tiny, even if it gets the whole bleeding lot of the services involved, it is worth it to protect him from something that could escalate into something horrific. Please don't doubt yourself, you are handling this the best way you can and I have nothing but admiration for your strength.

I suspect your mum is just frightened of the effect this could have on you and your family - that's not a reason to bury your head in the sand though. I suspect you're spot on about the link between his tendency to flash and his disclosure, though. Good luck with the police OP

Wouldnt read to much into the flashing willies, bumholes. Our ds has been like this since 4-5 and while it is pretty tiresome i think its normal for some boys. Best just let the police deal with father and see where that goes.
The fact that he told you is very good though. Mum is pretty stereotypical in some respects, more worried about social implications within the family and lets be honest that generation has been shown to be pretty lacking on the child protection front.

Young children are pretty obsessed with their bums/fannies/willies. A little girl I used to look after was always trying to show me her bumhole although I really didn't want to see it.

So yeah, it might not be anything to do with what has happened.

Red glitter - I don't think the police need to come out in full force with the little boy! It's the father they need to get to ASAP. I'm not stupid.

Lie to your mum, tell her you're repeating what the police have said.

Lois no it might not, but equally it might.

Has to be taken seriously.

OP you are doing the right thing & I hope YOU are Ok, is your partner with you/near & supportive?

I hope police get back to you soon op.

little red They can't go anywhere near the father til the wee boy has been spoken to. He and the OP need to be interviewed only then will they go speak to the father

I haven't been in your situation but I did find out a year ago today my husband was looking at indecent images and I can assure you I had social services, doctors, school, child protection and everybody involved and they were all amazing and supportive. Luckily he hadn't tiuched my kids. You are certainly doing the right thing and I hope you get the support you need.

Still waiting.

Going to phone the NSPCC now, I'm just hoping the police don't call whilst I'm on the phone.

I would not trust your mom. She might be telling Ex right now about this, and he could clean up that computer. Can you get specialist police help now?

You are handling this really well.

Letmeeat tbh if you're going to phone anyone phone the police back. Just ask for an update and when you can expect a call.

The NSPCC will advise you to call the police.

My DS (7) thinks it is funny to show me his bum... The huge difference is it would never occur to me to take a pic never mind send it someone else. If I heard someone else had I would be straight to the police. The 2 may be connected but maybe not..However that isn't something for you to work out but something for police. Let them know and decide

Try not to be too angry with your mum right now. She is trying to process it too and is possibly trying to help you see the other side of things. Sometimes people deal with things in weird ways.

... I didn't support my DSis when she first made an allegation of DV. It wasn't that I didn't believe her, I just found it so hard to take in and I didn't want to believe BIL was capable. It's a reaction I will be ashamed of and will regret for the rest of my life.

Ignore her reaction and pursue it fully. Focus your energies on your boy and worry about mum later.

OP I'm so sorry you and your DS are going through this. I agree with PPs; ignore your mum, but make sure she isn't going to speak to your ex, and just act normally around your DS. I'm in awe at how you have responded to this so far; your son is very lucky to have such a fabulous mum who has taken him seriously.

I really hope this was just the beginning of something and it gets stopped (& your ex gets what he deserves for treating a child like that). Just remember that you have also done nothing wrong, just as much as your son. No doubt at some point your adrenaline will dip and you'll question yourself about whether you could have pocked something up about it in the past etc. Don't blame yourself, ever. You are acting on the first piece of evidence you have (for want of a better word) and your son will thank you for it. Well done you.

Red glitter. -you are wrong. The police do not need to speak to the child first.

I really hope the police get back to you soon - I would definitely chase them up if you haven't heard anything back the sooner the police are involved the better.

You're handling this amazingly OP