Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Inappropriate photos of son *possible trigger*

219 replies

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 11/12/2014 17:50

Omg I'm in shock.

I'm not with my sons father. My son is 5.

He just casually told me that his daddy took a picture of his butt and sent it to someone.

I asked him how he was standing and he showed me that he was laying on his back with his knees drawn to his chest and his anus exposed.

I'm shaking and in shock. What do I do? Shall I report it to the police?

OP posts:
Original poster
Letmeeatcakecakecake · 11/12/2014 21:43

Thank you everyone for your support. You have all been an absolute rock for me this evening. Between you and the phone call to the NSPCC, I've managed to entirely ignore this subject with DS and he is now safely tucked up in bed next to me, cuddling his favourite teddy.

His innocence is breaking my heart right now, I'm looking at his little cherubic face, listening to his gentle snoring and seeing the way he is cuddling his teddy and I feel like a completely broken woman questioning EVERYTHING.

I feel like I have failed my son. That I allowed my fear of his father (who has been emotionally/ mentally/ physically abusive to me in the past) to get in the way of any signs that have been flashing. That I thought that though he is like that to me, he can't possibly be like that to our boy, can he?

Now I'm laying here thinking-

  1. is the reason he is SUCH a mummy's boy and so clingy with me because something has been going on and he feels safer with me

  2. when he gets upset about going to daddy's, is this not just because he has separation anxiety... Like I previously assumed?

  3. did I just send my child away to his dads, to be abused?

  4. did I allow his dad's manipulative and abusive nature blind even me?

  5. what if this isn't a one off?

  6. how can anyone take advantage of such a beautiful, wonderful, charming, innocent, sweet natured child? How can anyone harm any child?

OP posts:
BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 11/12/2014 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetticeKnollys · 11/12/2014 21:48

Please don't blame yourself, you've done everything you could possibly have done. Sorry you're going through this. Sad

MoJangled · 11/12/2014 21:49

I have a little boy very much as you describe sweetly asleep upstairs and the thought of what you are going through breaks my heart. You sound like a wonderful mother and whatever has been going on, you are now onto it and nothing will harm your son because you won't let it. I know you won't stop worrying about 1-6 above but try to cut yourself some slack if you can. Your boy needs you to be strong, calm and confident. Flowers

wherethewildthingis · 11/12/2014 21:49

Hey - it's not your fault. Abusers are bloody experts at grooming, manipulation and getting access to victims. This is their while focus in life. Don't start down the road of blaming yourself. Be proud that your boy knew, on some level that this was wrong and felt able to tell you.

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 11/12/2014 21:50

You know police have the tech to find deleted data? Once a picture has been taken it can be retrieved by someone smart enough so don't worry op

LoisPuddingLane · 11/12/2014 21:50

You haven't failed him. Any of us that have sent a child off for the weekend to be with their dad - we've all had to trust that he/she will be fine and loved and will return home to us a bit grubby but otherwise ok. We can't live any other way because that would mean trusting no-one and making the world much more dangerous than it really is.

However, I understand why you are feeling like you do. Because you can't know if it's a one off. All you can do is protect him from any further events.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 11/12/2014 21:54

OP - STOP torturing yourself with those questions.

You are a brilliant mum who reacted to her DS disclosure as soon as it was made. You are in no way at fault for another adults behaviour.

Your DS is very lucky to have you. Imagine if you had the same attitude that your own mother has displayed - your poor son wouldn't stand a chance.

Hindsight and "what ifs" are no good at the moment. Take a long hard look at yourself and tell yourself the truth - you acted immediately, you believed your DS, you are there for him and will protect him against people such as your mother who, quite frankly, needs to be kept at arms length until this is resolved.

You are a fantastic mother.

thewomaninwhite · 11/12/2014 22:00

Another one urging you not to question yourself. You are doing all you can to protect your son. What else can you do? I am glad to hear that the NSPCC were helpful. I hope that tomorrow sees some further support for you all.

You are doing a great job and are clearly a fantastic mother. Truly.

BuzzardBirdRoast · 11/12/2014 22:08

As I said above, it sounds like the very early stages of grooming. I am sure your son would have told you if there had been anything else he was uncomfortable with. Please don't beat yourself up thinking of the worst case senario, your little boy knew he could tell you, it would have been the ideal time to tell you if there was anything else.
You haven't failed, you have protected him from anything that might have happened after today.
Also, don't worry about the deleting, everything leaves a trace.

RaisingMen · 11/12/2014 22:13

I have a 5 year old son, and your last post has broken my heart. I hope you're ok OP, you've handled this so well Flowers

Starlightbright1 · 11/12/2014 22:18

You have not failed him..

The reason I posted about my DS showing his bum to me is simply it can be very innocent.

Seperation anxiety is normal, I am a LP and had a difficult time leaving my DS at school when he was infant esp after holidays as we are very close.

You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to answer those questions when you can't know the answers and he is safe with you so the best place to disclose anything more is with a witness so ex can't say words of a bitter Ex...This is an if..There may be nothing more to it.

There is also an awful lot of pressure to allow access to NRP these days. Most get access through court so knowing someone isn't going to take care of your child is just not enough.

You won't understand what his Dad has done because you are an natural mum who wants to protect her own... It should be natural to all parents but sadly isn't for many reasons.

Leedscatgirl · 11/12/2014 22:19

Hove def not failed him

SuchSweetSorrow · 11/12/2014 22:24

Oh sweetheart, you sound like a wonderful mother- you have most definitely not failed your son.

Well done on phoning the police and nspcc, you are handling this so well

RainbowMamaDarling · 11/12/2014 22:30

Goodness OP, you sound like a fabulous mother. You are handling this brilliantly. I hope the police are in touch tomorrow.

Original poster
Letmeeatcakecakecake · 11/12/2014 22:37

Thanks everyone, the adrenaline has well and truly worn off now.

I've just heard from the police, they offered to come around tonight and speak to us both but as my boy is asleep I thought it best we leave it until tomorrow. After all, waking him up to speak to some random stranger is going to seem very strange.

They're coming at around half 7 tomorrow morning. They are going to speak to my son then too.

I'll then be able to drop him to school after, possibly a little bit late and then explain the situation to his head teacher and have an update from the police.

I'm going to attempt to switch off now, the baby inside me kicking away is reminding me that I have to take care of myself in order to take care of that too.

Hopefully sleep comes fast :-(

Good night all you wonderful people xxx

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 11/12/2014 22:40

You poor thing :(

Snuggle with DS and try to get some sleep. Staying up all night worrying won't help either of you
X

CountryMummy1 · 11/12/2014 22:43
Flowers
Sleepyfergus · 11/12/2014 22:50

Gosh, what a scary and horrific thing to have to deal with. But I applaud you as you sound very level headed and brave dealing with it the way you have.

I hope you both have avoid nights sleep, your darling DS is in a wonderfully safe place right now, and that is all that matters for the here and now. Good luck for tomorrow, goodness knows it will prob be a strange out of body experience for you, but your DS might think it's cool to get to meet and speak to a policeman!

Sleepyfergus · 11/12/2014 22:50

A good night sleep, not avoid!

cardamomginger · 11/12/2014 22:53

You are doing so brilliantly. XXXXX

BertieBotts · 11/12/2014 23:00

Glad they are dealing with it so quickly. Hand hold for you and what Sleepy says is right - he's absolutely safe right now and that's what matters.

pebblepots · 11/12/2014 23:02

So sorry this is happening to you, you are doing the right thing Flowers

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 11/12/2014 23:17

I'm glad you got a quick response, too Flowers Hope all goes smoothly for you tomorrow and that the interviews afford progress. I also hope you've slept, knowing the matter's in professional hands.

AuntieStella · 11/12/2014 23:25

It's in the right hands now.

I hope sleep comes to you, as there is nothing more you can do tonight.

If you look at this thread before the meeting in the morning, remember that people here are wishing you well.

(And small practical point, remember to ask the police for advice on what you should say to the school, as I do think you need to stop XP picking him up until this is death with).

Swipe left for the next trending thread