Inappropriate photos of son *possible trigger*

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Omg I'm in shock.

I'm not with my sons father. My son is 5.

He just casually told me that his daddy took a picture of his butt and sent it to someone.

I asked him how he was standing and he showed me that he was laying on his back with his knees drawn to his chest and his anus exposed.

I'm shaking and in shock. What do I do? Shall I report it to the police?

[forumdonkey]

Your mum is probably in shock, but you have do the right and correct thing.

[Redglitter]

littlered I have to disagree. I'm not sure what you're basing that on but I assure you I've seen many similar cases.

At the moment the police have nothing to confirm a crime has been established other than a 2nd hand report. They have absolutely no grounds to arrest or detain the father nor to look at his phone or computer. As in any crime a victim has to be spoken to and events established. For all the police know the OP could be a bitter ex. If they rush round to the fathers door tonight before speaking to the wee boy he could refuse point blank to speak to them then the minute they leave the computer is destroyed and phone binned (if there are any incriminating photos on it)

it's frustrating for the OP but in a situation like this things have to be done properly.

[Redglitter]

OP you really are handling this so well.

[LittleRedRidingHoodie]

In my experience, the mother's report is enough. They go round and they don't knock - they bash the door in and seize the equipment. I have enough experience to know that this happens. Fairly often the chap has previous or previous accusations have been made or suspicions raised. You really think they'd politely knock, in uniform, and let a guy trash his hard drive while they waited for him to answer the door?

[thewomaninwhite]

Another one hoping that the police ring soon. You have acted so calmly and sensibly. Not easy in such a difficult situation. I hope that you get the support that you need from the police. I am sorry that you Mum is not responding in a helpful way. You are doing a fab job.

[Redglitter]

Well need to agree to disagree on this one.

in the 20 plus years I've been with the police I've never once known officers to be granted a warrant to force entry and sieze equipment based on merely talking to a 3rd party on the phone when no crime has been established. I can't imagine anyone who'd sign that warrant and besides the other parties lawyers would have a field day.

But if the OP comes back and says that's exactly what her local force did then ill be the first to apologise to you

[3littlebadgers]

Redglitter do you think there is anything that can be done to prevent the grandmother approaching the father and potentially risk evidence being destroyed?

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

Vodka - poor you It's really good to hear you were well supported.

Cake - try not to panic. You're doing the right things. I agree with the suggestion of lying to your mum, the last thing you need is doom, gloom & potential interference!

Children of that age often get obsessed with bums & genitals: the flashing isn't necessarily anything significant.

But are you saying his dad showed him a coprophilia video?? Or someone's dump selfie? I mean, either is ridiculously irresponsible but only one is sexually abusive. If your ex is the kind of childish twat who never grew out of finding bums funny, it could explain both incidents although they are still hopelessly, horribly wrong. I'm not minimising the need for concern: the cops and school do need to be informed. I hope you & DS are well looked after

[Redglitter]

badgers not at this point. I think that's a good reason for the OP to chase the police up via a call. One of the officers who will be dealing with her may phone them and advise them against it. The situation is so hard when it's a young child the wee soul has to be treated with kid gloves

maybe the OP could call her mother and say she's reconsidered and her mum's right and yes she over reacted and of course she's not going to report it. Keep her mother onside til the police have seen her

[LoisPuddingLane]

I was just thinking what your little lad said about "he sent it to someone". So even if the picture is deleted, would it not be possible to find it in his sent stuff? I'm not entirely sure about this, but the image must "be" somewhere when it's sent.

[3littlebadgers]

Thanks redglitter, I just hope it all goes well and with as little upset for everyone involved especially the little fella

[confused79]

Actually, garlicandglitter, that's what I was thinking, maybe he's just the immature sort that finds bums funny. I'm not making excuses for him, but am praying it's this for OP's sons sake.

[Redglitter]

Lois if the police sieze his phone they'll have deleted images back in no time. Nothings ever truly deleted from a phone

[LoisPuddingLane]

That is good to know.

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

I've just got off the phone to the NSPCC. No missed call from the police.

The lady there decided to escalate the situation and make a referral to the children's services, which she is doing now. She has reassured me that I am absolutely going to the right way about this, that I'm not insane, I'm not over reacting and that this will be taken seriously.

I am panicking though as she said to absolutely not make contact with my ex (which I did!) I told her about the messages I sent querying this and attempting to stop the messages from going out, however, I'm not sure if deleting and blocking the contact will be enough. I just hope I haven't screwed up and given him the chance to delete any possibly incriminating evidence.

Garlic- he showed my son a video of someone having a poo on another person. I'm not sure what this is regarded as.

From what the NSPCC said, DS and I will be spoken to to get as much information as possible before approaching his dad.

I know that there's going to be a complete shit storm with the ex regardless of the outcome. he's abusive and manipulative and in my opinion from everything I've been through with him in the past, he's a complete sociopath. He will be incapable of understanding that my response to our sons disclosure was only with his best interests at heart. He will try to argue that I am a bitter and twisted ex who is trying to stop him seeing his son for my own selfish reasons ect.

But do you know what? It doesn't matter. I don't give a toss about how he responds. I am this boys mother and I will go to the ends of the earth to stand up for and to protect him.

[grumpyoldgitagain]

Confused even if he is immature and finds bums funny the description of the pose and sending picture on is not someone having a laugh about bums

[3littlebadgers]

You are doing amazingly. Your ex is bound to say some horrid things against you, but you are doing this out of love for your child.

[grumpyoldgitagain]

Letmeeatcake you are doing exactly the right thing for your boy

If your ex has done nothing wrong then he will have nothing to worry about and if he has then he deserves everything he gets for doing that to a child

[Redglitter]

The fact that he's shown your son a video like that would have even more alarm bells ringing. Normally things like that are on hard core porn sites. If he's looking that up and showing your son that sounds like he's got an interest in that. That makes the photo he's taken even worse (not that it was ever a good thing). I think that's made the whole story even worse.

I'd phone the police back for an update

[notapizzaeater]

If it was totally innocent (though how is beyond me) then maybe he will,learn and nit do anything inappropriate again. If it is dodgy the the police will deal with him.

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

The video - that's abusive. Very concerned about your ex and I agree with Redglitter. Glad he's an ex, and that DS has you as mother.

[BuzzardBirdRoast]

I understand the sick feeling you probably have right now. What you need to comfort yourself with is that your son is obviously very good at telling you things that he finds odd. It is very likely that nothing worse has happened. I know what has happened is terrible but I know that you are worried about what you don't know. It sounds like your son is a good communicator and that you would have been told.
You have acted so well, I know I found it very difficult to control myself when I recently had to discuss something similar with my DD. The last thing you want it for them to clam up because they think they are in trouble. Your Mum sounds 'oldschool' and happy to brush things under the carpet, thank God you know better.
If your X can't see that this behaviour is abusive then he is about to learn a lesson. From what you are saying though, it sounds like grooming.
Good luck to you in your very difficult time.

[wherethewildthingis]

Hi OP I've just read your full thread, sorry this is happening to you. Can I make a couple of suggestions (I'm a social worker)? You will, I am sure, hear from children's services tomorrow. In the meantime I am worried about your ex having the opportunity to destroy evidence. And I think therefore you should call back the police tonight and update your incident and let them know he may be aware. Ask to be guaranteed an officer will contact you tonight.
Your little boy is likely to be video interviewed tomorrow, this will be hard and upsetting for you but is very important. You can not be in the room with him but can be in the building. Don't talk to him about the interview in advance- I can't stress that enough. In fact don't talk about this to him at all- if he makes any more disclosures let him talk but don't prompt or ask questions..
Write down what he said EXACTLY. Where you were, who was there, what you said to him. Make a transcript. Put the time on it that it happened. Sign it, date it, record the time you wrote it down.
I would also suggest don't discuss this with your mum any more.
Other than that try to keep calm and keep doing what you are doing,

[wherethewildthingis]

And good luck