Inappropriate photos of son *possible trigger*

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Omg I'm in shock.

I'm not with my sons father. My son is 5.

He just casually told me that his daddy took a picture of his butt and sent it to someone.

I asked him how he was standing and he showed me that he was laying on his back with his knees drawn to his chest and his anus exposed.

I'm shaking and in shock. What do I do? Shall I report it to the police?

[JuxaSnogUndertheMistletoe]

Vivacia, yes I wasn't clear, and I'm sorry. I wasn't casting doubt, it is clear that investigation is required here. I did mean exactly what MushroomSoup said.

[NotYouNaanBread]

I only came across this thread now. I also hope that everything's all right (relatively speaking) with you and that you're getting support.

[thewomaninwhite]

I have been wondering how you are all doing too. Thinking of you all.

[uurrghhhhhh]

Idfa

[GraysAnalogy]

You are doing so so well. You've done all the right steps and are handling this brilliantly. I'm glad your son has a mum like you.

[MushroomSoup]

I think Jux is saying - has OP's DS been 'trained' to show off his body when he sees a camera OR is he naturally inclined to do so (as many children are) and his dad has taken the opportunity to take photos.

I'm sure Jux is not meaning to cast any doubt on the dad's intentions - they are obviously allegedly suspect.

[Vivacia]

What's your point Jux?

We often know what is cause and what is effect.

[JuxaSnogUndertheMistletoe]

No one knows what is cause and what is effect. When the camera comes out is your ds used to being told to give a flash, or if he flashes (kids go through a phase of this) does the camera come out.

Hope you get this sorted op. It is worrying.

[Tryingtobecalm]

I have just caught this thread. I think you did the right thing. I hope you and ds are ok and have a great Xmas.

[MissMarplesBloomers]

How are you Cake? X

[LeepyTime]

Hi Cake, I just couldn't read this without saying that I think the police REALLY need to know about the video of the person doing a poo on another, as that is viewed as extreme porn, not some funny YouTube snippet, and I think if they know about that in conjunction with the photograph, it sheds a whole new light on things, as it is child abuse to show children porn also. Did they know about that, ask him about it? Please really push this if they are not aware of it, your child is only 5 and could not have made that up. It makes me sick as I have a 6 year old boy and cannot imagine what you are going through. Please sort somehting out before his father is meant to have him again, I fear he is being groomed too, I am sorry. xxx

[MoJangled]

Just hoping you and your DS are OK and getting support

[Joysmum]

Hope you're both ok

[Sleepyfergus]

How are you and ds doing?

[thewomaninwhite]

I think that you are doing brilliantly do. Hoping you get the interview for your son.

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

I'm very sorry to say this but your mother is a twat. I'd avoid her for a while.

[Hoggle246]

Just another one to say you're doing brilliantly.

Your mum is behaving outrageously. I'm sure this revelation is hard for her too given her love for your ds, but to blame it on you is actually disgusting and verging on unforgivable. Is it all all realistic for you to cut her out for a while? She is being so unhelpful.

Yy to pushing again on the interview. Surely they would understand that this whole experience would be so confusing for a young person and I would be horrified if it was written off quickly.

Best wishes to you all.

[Wordsaremything]

What the wild thing said is of crucial, fundamental importance. Please, please take her advice and act on it. If it emerges that your son was abused, the defence would make the most of his conflicting accounts. Because of this
the cps might decide the case could not go to court because there was an unrealistic prospect of conviction.(one of the tests applied to all criminal cases when it's decided if it's appropriate to charge)

[Mulligrubs]

You're doing so well OP

[Finola1step]

You are doing the absolute best by your son.

Wrt to school. As an Assistant Head, yes school are correct that as dad has PR, they can't legally stop him collecting. But here is what they can do:

1. Not allow your ds to be collected before school finish time without speaking to you first.
   

1. Call you if Dad gets there first at regular pick up time.
   

You can do 2 things:

1. Send an email to school stating that under no circumstances should your ds be collected early by anyone except yourself until further notice.
   

1. You make sure that you are at school at pick up time early every day. If you are going to be late, you call the school office to say that you are on your way and ds is to wait.
   

Email today so it's in place for tomorrow. School will be pleased if you do because it then gives them your permission to say "no" to dad if he tries to collect early.

[BuzzardBirdRoast]

Well done cake, you are holding it all together really well. Think you can expect some more apologies off your mum soon, sounds like she is a bit of a 'knee jerk reactionist'? I hope you get the answers you need soon. The months of sleepless nights without answers I suffered were the worst time of my life . I do understand what it's like.

[ocelot41]

I will say it again - you are amazing!

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

Hey all,

Just an update. Nothing new has happened since my last post.

I expect that I'll hear from the police or SS tomorrow, I'm going to mention my sons back tracking of the pants on/off issue and push for the interview.

I'm just really worried that my mum telling him off about it, made him decide to tell the SW that he had his pants on, I wasn't in the room so he probably thought he could get away with lying. I'll explain that all to the next person I speak to.

Hopefully they decide to interview him, I would feel a lot more comfortable with what they would have to say referring the circumstances of this photo than what the SW would have decided.

However, I'm going to start looking up independent children's psychologists who deal with sexually abused children, so if they decide not to interview him, I will just book a private session with one for an extra opinion and (hopefully) peace of mind.

It feels weird though, because, I don't want this to have happened to him, but I don't think I can rest and drop the subject until I've heard from the mouths of the professionals that they are satisfied that he hasn't been abused in any way shape of form. I would never be able to forgive myself if it come to light in years to come that actually, he was abused, but I'd just accepted the opinion of someone who my son told a different story to, and left it.

I'm feeling a lot better mentally than I was though, I've just realised that as of now, steps are in motion to find out the truth and continue as necessary, he is safe with me and no one is going to harm him. There's NO point destroying myself over this until I hear more. I'm even managing to sleep and eat again (including the Nandos platter I eat to myself last night... In my defence, I am eating for two )

My son, as far as he is aware has had a lovely weekend! We've finished off his canvas prints that he's giving as christmas gifts, got to stay out late having a meal with me and my DF, and we all stayed up late playing Rayman and demolishing a box of chocolates! Today we're going to decorate a hat he has made out of an old box and try to make a wreath for the front door. He's loving it.

With regards to my mum, I've spoken to her and made it clear how furious I was to her reaction. Her defences were...

• telling him off: she was so shocked to be told that, that she didn't know what to say, so told him off
  

• speaking to his dad for an explanation: she said she would have demanded an explanation and then made it clear that she would be going to the police, which she now realises it wrong.
  

• reminding me about the aggro it would all cause: she was merely pointing out the route it would go down.
  

Obviously, she's back tracking and changing her story. I pointed out that I was there when he said it and managed not to tell him off, confronting the father gives him the opportunity to destroy evidence, and who gives a s**t about the aggro it causes. I told her that when she told him off, I saw the SHAME in my sons face when his little face dropped to the floor and that is detrimental to any potential prosecution.

She then tried to have a dig at me saying 'I'm really upset about what you said about if anything ever happened to that, that I'd just have a cosy chat with the them' then tried to BLAME ME by going 'how could you let him take him when he doesn't tell you where they go, stay or what they do'. I'm sure you ladies can all imagine how I responded.

[ocelot41]

I have no advice to offer, just admiration and support. Would that every little boy and girl had such a lioness of a mother!

As for your mum's reaction - people do and say some mightily weird shit when they are shocked by news of abuse, rape etc. Victim blaming isn't at all unusual, although horrifying.

You are doing amazingly