You are not responsible for the rape or sexual assault you endured

[differentnameforthis]

In light of many threads about Ched Evans' & his victim & in light of those who believe she could have prevented it by being sober (!), I thought it was important to raise this issue.

It doesn't matter if you were drunk
It doesn't matter if you were alone
It doesn't matter if you got into a taxi/car/train/bus with him
It doesn't matter if you went to a room with him
It doesn't matter if you knew him
It doesn't matter if you didn't know him
It doesn't matter if you started to have sex with him & said no
It doesn't matter if you had sex with him an hour/a day/a week before
It doesn't matter if you had sex with his friend
It doesn't matter what you were wearing

YOU ARE IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT YOU ENDURED.

We believe you

You think that a woman raped while walking home after a night out is not going to strongly consider avoiding walking home after nights out in future?

It needs a man like you to helpfully point it out to her?

Uh-huh.

Meanwhile, in other news, rapist cab driver rapes woman going home after night out in cab....

Aduaz you seem to have a lot of faith in cab drivers

Why on earth is that, what is it based on. How odd.

Also, women will usually, at several points in their lives, find themselves out alone on the street after dark - it's unavoidable at times, unless you seriously curtail women's freedoms to go to work, go out, walk the dog, socialise and so on.

A woman that is raped may well then have your oh-so-helpful "advice" ringing in their ears ^I shouldn't have walked home alone" - do you realise that this alone could be enough to stop a victim reporting? Because she fears she will be blamed, because she blames herself.

Sabrinnnnnnnna keep things civil. I will admit to not understanding why NOT blaming the victim is seen as triggering. If you can explain that I'm all ears.

SevenZarkSeven I don't live my life paranoid. I have a general level of faith in people until they give me a reason not to have faith. Of course you can argue that anyone might be a rapist but they also might not. We just don't know. But a woman walking home on her own drunk is in a more vulnerable position than a more sober woman getting a taxi home, whether you like that or not.

Yes, I'll explain. You are saying "I'm not blaming the victim, but had she not walked home alone, she wouldn't have been raped" Can you see what's wrong with that statement? (Clue: it's using the word but... )

If you cannot see that that is a statement that would be seen as putting the responsibility on the victim not to be out alone, that she should have acted differently, that she is to blame - well, then that's the kink in your brain.

Buffy.

Aduaz

How can you still be here telling multiple victims of rape that you know more (as a man, who has never been raped) about victim blaming and what it entails than rape victims who have experienced rape and victim blaming first hand?

Do you not understand why your continued digging at this is offensive to the extreme as well as upsetting? Do you not understand why you should leave the thread?

You are unbelievably crass and ignorant.

And I think you know exactly what kind of upset and anger you are causing here - and that you're getting a warped kick out of it.

And another thing.

Most women and girls will have experienced unwanted horrible sexual advances and sexual assaults maybe up to rape in their lives. This stuff starts quite young, with random men saying stuff on the street etc. Females learn quite young that society has a lot of tolerance for this type of behaviour. And this behaviour often happens in public.

So basically all this stuff is going on and it's in all sorts of places. And yet in some of these situations people will say "oh well you weren't looking after yourself you shouldn't have been doing that". All the situations where it happens which were "safe" are ignored minimised and not commented on.

So for example. A man follows you down the road saying he wants to fuck you in broad daylight near the shops. No comment. A man follows you down the road saying he wants to fuck you after dark on a quiet road. What were you doing there?

And this is the point, right? Women and girls know that this shit happens everywhere and it's entirely unpredictable. And so when someone says Oh Well That Situation Is Unsafe you just think well this stuff happens all the time anyway so what are you on about.

Obviously this post is focussing more on sexual assault and street harassment but still for rape it applies too.

Don't know if that makes sense.

I've always thought fuck it why should I limit my freedom and fun in a probably futile attempt to avoid the bogeyman.

X-posted with Buffy there...

Sabrinnnnnnnna there is nothing wrong with that statement. I am not blaming the victim, I am saying if the circumstances were different then so would the outcome. If I talk about the rapist by saying "If the rapist wasn't there the rape wouldn't have happened" that sentence by itself doesn't place any blame on the rapist at all. It just says if he wasn't there he wouldn't have raped anyone there. The blame is when you say "the rapist is at fault for having sex without implicit or implied consent"

BuffytheReasonableFeminist because people keep confusing legitimate advice with "victim blaming" without explaining their bizarre opinions.

Erm the fact that you refer to him as a rapist is kind of a clue that he is to blame for something

Do you want to rephrase that maybe it doesn't make any sense.

Sabrinnnnnnnna there is nothing wrong with that statement. I am not blaming the victim, I am saying if the circumstances were different then so would the outcome.

WHY? Why do you feel the need to say that?

What in the name of fuck has it got to you with you? Yo are not a rape victim, you have no lived experience of this? Why are you judge of this? Why are you telling women this? Can't you see how unbelievably crass and idiotic you're being?

Please answer this, Aduaz. In what way is it remotely helpful to the rape victim if you point out (helpfully) that it wouldn't have happened if chance had taken her on a different path that night? Seriously. What positive outcome would you hope to achieve. You say that next time your female friend might take a taxi. But we've already established that taking a taxi wouldn't make her any safer. So, what gain is there in you suggesting she adjusts her behaviour next time she's out?

Aduaz so basically you think women are stupid.

Is the gist I am getting here.

You are right and all the women on the thread are wrong.
You know more about rape than rape victims, they are all wrong.
Most of the women on the thread have difficulty comprehending what you are saying.

So women are stupid. Right?

Presumably that's why you feel the need to advice them where they went wrong when they are relating traumatic stories as well. Because they're too dense to have any thoughts for themselves.

I am boggled by you and think you are enjoying this. No-one is as obtuse as you in real life.

Having read all the nonsense that Aduaz has been spouting throughout this thread, I can only conclude that the reason he would tell a victim of rape to her face shortly after being attacked that she shouldn't have done x is that he is a sadistic bastard who wants to be able to see the pain in her eyes up close and personal because he gets off on it.

Joysmum, I'm afraid I can't put myself in a rapists place. I'm sorry. But I prefer not to imagine myself as one.

As long as one protects oneself from rape it's all good isn't it? Still happening to women world wide but keep yourself safe with ridiculous ideas of rape prevention and that's fine.

Some of the views on this thread make me want to throw my hands up. No wonder rape continues with so many rape enablers and apologists about.