Dear NSTBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Dear NSTBXH,

I was safely met at the court and walked up to team WWK's room, led by my solicitor, and followed by yours, who actually is a nice, smiley woman - good with children, I'd expect.

She has selected a barrister, who also has a face suitable for children, which is good, I think, given her specialism is y'know them little beings and what not.

But the bad news, the judge was a fellow barrister, and not a judge, just deputising for one. He specialises in...well you guessed it. Quite a cosy team they made too.

The lovely SHB, who is an attractive enough woman, but definitely would 'frighten the children', is just lovely (to me) was already there to meet me.

"Why I am here?" She asked as we entered the room.

'Cos I is getting divorced, innit?' I said, hopefully.

So off she popped to find a more sensible person.

But sadly came back with the news that the 'shb' doesn't know why she's here either.

Anyway off SHB went to do her thing in the corridor with 'shb', which is mostly just standing around chatting over our respective positions.

Mine was sitting down drinking tea, back to the door. I never got to see yours.

Your 'shb' submitted today was just a waste of time, so we should all just prepare for a Final Hearing. My SHB submitted that if you would like to make a reasonable offer, than something could be salvaged and we could spare ourselves the stress of litigation.

Ever pessimistic, SHL and I decided to attack your fourth Form E and start preparing for a Final Hearing, whilst we had SHB on board (and paid for).

Then 'shb' called out 'SHB', the latter being a very wise woman, may be a secret Mumsnetter. Well, Who knows? But she does know 'No' is a complete sentence.

Would I revise downward the maintenance?

No.

Apparently this was the wrong answer.

Would we treat this as a Fuckwits Demonstrate Reasonableness Session?

No.

Don't think you were overly chuffed at that either.

Would I at least discuss the maintenance pending suit being unfair?

No.

Seriously? No. Fuck off.

Would I provide the answers to the questionnaire today?

No.

It transpires you are very pissed off indeed, and feel very badly treated. Do I care?

Nope.

We asked that you would consider paying something towards the costs you have forced on to me.

Apparently, not.

We suggested that we ask the judge to grant a Legal Services Order, and informed them that we had proposed to submit a Wasted Costs Order.

So you agreed to release all the capital tied up in my solicitor's account to help me overcome the on-going problems you have been dumping on me since you left, and also to fund my legal fees.

Hallelujah!

So I can at least pay for today's waste of time.

So six hours sitting in a stuffy room, lots of giggles were had, and just one near cry.

The realisation that by you effectively spending all my Spousal Maintenance each month, and leaving me in a hell of a hole: all you have done, is pushed up my needs and proved it's inadequate, and left me sleepless for days at a time (including last night).

So SHB then went to tackle this.

You have agreed not to apply for the absolute until at the earliest next year. Should either of us feel the need to do otherwise, we go to prison.

It seems we are now in a forced marriage.

And one you must continue paying for until a court decides otherwise.

I bet you're furious.

Secondly, your spending is excessive. Your shifting of the assets and hiding them, has raised lots of questions. You have now signed undertakings to cease this 'master of the universe' behaviour.

Or go to prison.

Well done. You agree to unfreezing mine, and then got your own frozen.

We have agreed to have minimum contact, and only on very specific points. No more nonsense.

I can finally sleep at night knowing I can pay the bills in the short term, and your pestering of me must stop.

So there was lots of to-ing and fro-ing between the barristers (all three of them) whilst I drank tea, worked on your Form E v.4 with SHL.

It's entirely predictable that a Fuckwits Demonstrate Reasonableness is not going to be fruitful, and so finally your 'shb' informed the court that this was one of those 'exceptional cases' that doesn't get to have an FDR. But still we pushed for one, in the hope you would try and co-operate with this divorce you instigated.

But nope.

And so we now head into a Final Hearing instead. For me that's a good result (cheaper), but SHL and SHB not so much - they have to cancel their holidays.

The only winner of today was little old 'me'. The judge couldn't give a fuck, and the legal teams aren't happy at all with the proceedings. As for you?

I don't give a fuck.

We have a very strict timetable. Given we have met the previous timetable exactly as prescribed, and yours haven't - good luck with that. One deviance and the Final Hearing will be delayed. You have to rely on 'shs' now getting her act together.

Not.my.problem.com

Talking of whom, your smiley shs was pretty pissed off by the end of the day though, opening the door and slamming down paperwork. But the most amusing part was your barrister shouting at mine in the corridor.

Amazing how you make so many women miserable and antsy. Isn't it?

SHL and I were in fits of giggles. I only nearly broke down once today, and I can assure you it wasn't about you. It was about the hell of the last five months, the shocking way you left, and the endless misery of having to cope with it, the stunts you have pulled.

But the undertakings are so extensive, I know what I have to do in the five months to survive. I know what you can't do anymore. And I imagine you are furious you are going to have to keep me in my lovely home until at least then.

So I didn't see you today, other than the back of your head, as we were in a proper court room, which I didn't expect. The 'judge' asked you some questions and you spoke, but just like the last hearing, your disembodied voice isn't really that bothersome.

And so neither are my feelings about you these days.

And hilariously, the song on the radio as I came home:

I came in, checked my emails, and have received an email from the police regarding the other idiot who has caused me some grief this year, and who has been dealt with by the courts this week as well. It says,

Victim Support are able to offer you emotional and practical support, they can be contacted on 0845 6121 900

Thought you might make better use of it. I'm doing okay all things considered.

Wife, still getting divorced.

(Sorry good people of MN...I may be ranting on here for quite some time).

For MNing and gin, of course, not for silly form filling!!

Gin, yes! Nice and warming. And to paraphrase for your power failure:

"Til better to light a single candle AND to curse your NSTBXH!"

You must be able to complete his questionnaires blindfold (or in the dark) by now,

90o
7m4/;
mj=]

I think that is cat speak for "NSTBXH is a twat".

But who knows?

Its well known that our pets take on our emotions and respond to vibes in the air.

My guess is that your cat has assessed the situation and has now 'spoken'.

A very wise cat

It does, of course mean, I have lost my latest post...

Here's my letter v.2 (from memory)

Dear NSTBXH

It's funny how learning about how there can be a gap between how perceive you to be and how others do. For example,

You think you are in control and the big ‘it’.

I think you've lost it and you're full of it.

So I suppose it's called 'self-awareness' and realising that if there's a gap between how you see yourself and how others see you, then work must be done to close the gap.

For example, the lovely SHL and I were chatting over tea the other day. She remarked to me that I was a perfect client. I paid my bills on time, I was civil to everyone, I could be heavily relied upon to do what must be done, even if I didn't want to or like it, and whatever she asked of me, she could trust me to do it in a timely, effective and efficient manner.

She likes that I'm not a particularly dogmatic kind of person, I guess.

As I pointed out to her: Should I ever find myself being unreasonable in future, I'll shall resume our working relationship, but I fully intend to be stubborn about never marrying a mistake again.

But I may not be dogmatic about this.

As she points out, there's no merit in being stubborn about things. Keep things simple and just do it, then the conversation went on to how she was stubbornly refusing to allow the other side (that's you) to operate outside of the timetable.

Then of course, she decided that it was futile being dogmatic about your questionnaire v.3 so I might as well just do it.

And I was a little irked by this.

So being timely and efficient, I have finally faced your questionnaire v.3 as advised that I should do it ‘whenever I felt like it’.

And today, I felt like it.

And now I see I have 15 questions to answer. Very kindly, the lovely SHL has answered 13 of them for me.

They are a bit dull though:

This information is contained within her questionnaire v. 2,

But for variety: This information is contained within her Narrative Statement.

Do you still have your sense of humour?

You did used to make me laugh a lot. Then you left so I’m wondering if you left that behind in the rush to leave.

Anyway, back to your questionnaire v.3. Given it’s not a timetabled document (v.2 complied with that) and nor is it court-ordered, I guess you’ll get it back at the next date of exchange (at the end of the month) since I missed the last one due to an unreasonable power cut.

[No doubt in questionnaire v. 4 (or your schedule of deficiencies) you will expect me to prove the lack of electricity. I have already lined up 450 witnesses – that being the population of village, including pets and interlopers – although notably absent is the village idiot]

So really, back to your questionnaire v. 3 and the three questions outstanding.

1. The Applicant Wife is required to prove how she has paid for the lovely SHL's tea factory.

Needless to say, this requires me to submit to Respondent Twat my bank statements to show that I am up to date with my debts

2. The Applicant Wife is required to submit the bank statements from the period of March – July 2014 that she is unreasonably withholding.

^^

3. The Applicant wife is required to prove that she attends a college course, that the Respondent Twat used to pick her up from occasionally.

^The Applicant Wife proves she is attending college course that the Respondent Twat by submitting a bank statement.

Cost of course per term? £43^

Cost of all this nonsense? Hundreds.

Wife, dogmatically dependable (and a tad annoyed at cat).

Why on earth do they need to know about the college course? Is he going to deduct taxi fares for the occasional pick ups.

Your village is indeed lacking an idiot. It is doubtful that your village is missing an idiot.

You are much admired for keeping your patience, dignity and sense of humour in the face of all the petty idiocy

...although notably absent is the village idiot

Love it!

This is so heartening to read after what is currently happening to me.....

On Sunday I asked the leading question of "do you love me", after many years of utter torment and emotional battering, and to be fair, you were (at last) honest. I think what has shocked you is my reaction to this. No tears, no drama, no reaction at all. I've already sorted out an appointment with a solicitor and less than two days in I've already found an account in your name with more than 40k more than you led me to believe. I've got that statement to give to solicitor. I think this may go in my favour.

I'm utterly devastated, but you will never see that. I'm, if truthful, grieving about how my marriage should have been rather than the shitstorm it was.

I'm also KOKO. X

Well done WWK (again)

and also to you Practicallyimpractical - it's a long hard road .

I am just overwhelmed with admiration for you WWK, my shitbag of a husband has just left after 28 years of marriage, and I am feeling so hurt and betrayed, but your strength and humour in the face of a horrible situation has made me laugh out loud on occasion, and let me tell you that is a major achievement at the moment. You are inspirational and I wish I could know you in real life.

I am lucky in that my best friend is truly the best shit hot lawyer in town, so he better prepare himself for one hell of a bumpy ride! Ha ha that's funny as he is a cycling nutter in Lycra . Fuck him and the bike he rode in on, and he still is riding her apparently.

Hobbitwife001...sending you hugs and strength, this is a horrible path we all walk, it really is. Take good care of yourself x

Lots of and and to all you lovely ladies who are currently in various stages of shedding some truly rotten men!!

Hello WWK - lost you again, and have now re-found you.
Your posts continue to inspire but the depths of moronicity to which your nstbxh sink still beggar belief.

Practically and Hobbitwife - sorry to hear you're in a similar position and hope that things go more smoothly for you than they have so far for WWK!

and KOKO all round. :)

Thank you lovely mumsnetters, I am new here but have found it very helpful to see that I'm not only only one going through this painful process ( unfortunately there are plenty of shite husbands out there). But I do gain strength from reading your stories and realising it will get better, the pain and feelings of rejection and abandonment will ease, and I will be much happier without him. At least I won't have to listen to him boring the arse off me about cycling any more will I ?

Hobbitwife001, that's the spirit! I and many others completely understand the ordeal you are coping with. I am just over a year down the line and while I am no longer "vibrating" with pain and shock, I do think it scars you. So, you pick up, do what you have to in terms of children (if you have them), legal, financial. I strongly believe in karma, I have seen it at work already in my STBXH's life...you reap what you sow I believe. On the positive side, like you with your cycling twat, I don't have to deal with OCD twat anymore. Good. KOKO as WWK would say x

Thank you for your kind words Mrs C , I do have two sons at home, one is 23 and the other one is 19, the younger son has Aspergers and has come out with some choice comments which made me laugh such as, 'why has he left you now? You look slim and pretty at the moment, why didn't he go when you were fat and frumpy! Ha ha , that did cheer me up. Going for my first counselling session later, a bit cynical but will try anything to get my head sorted out a bit. It's been seven weeks since he left,but he is still staying in our small village and carrying on his relationship with her, someone I thought was a friend by the way, another cycling nut job!

Hi, I was here about 2 years ago only not with the humour. I like you was horrified at the £1000s spent by both legal teams and the judge looking at the "income" from my tiny party plan business. I think reported profits were £36 that year. WTF. I recognise many of the games. Sadly however I am still going through all this shit because once the finances were settled ex started after the DC. I hope you don't have children with this man because they will stop at nothing to totally take everything from you. I don't have your faith anymore that the judge will see through the games and the lies. They really cant be arsed. But please keep writing - it lifts the spirit chezspring.

*Springalong", bless you, it does make me sad to read things like this. Similarly I can see a long road ahead. My husband left me on income support but as soon as put in an application for ancillary relief, he has gone after our son. It is a game to them, I have no idea why. I also have the most spiteful bitch of an OW to deal with for whom there really are no words. It astonishes me every single day the amount of women coming out with the same old story. I will never understand it for a long as I live.

Hobbitwife001 bless your son, mine is only 3 and about to receive his statement, Aspergers too it seems. Please keep on with the counselling, I had 17 sessions and it was the best thing I could have done, frankly it saved me. What an utter bitch the OW is. What is wrong with these people? I am so sorry you are having your nose rubbed it in. I hope they get catapulted over the handlebars of their feckin' bikes, pair of twunts.

WWK sorry for the hijack...although so good that others feel they can relate to your tale...:-) x

Don't worry about hijacking, I don't mind.

Dear NSTBXH,

I take it you've got my narrative statement then?

I take it you don't like what you're reading. Well I don't like what you're doing.

Mutual loathing is not a good enough reason for behaving badly.

I have in my hand a substantial invoice for some arrangements you have made. It appears that you wish me to pay for it since you have put it in my name.

It doesn't mean I have to pay for it though. There is a legal system, it's not difficult to understand and it's not very easy to manipulate.

So just fuck off and get a grip.

Wife, irked.

Oh crikeys, WWK!! Every time I think he's reached the limit, he manages to find a new way to reach even higher heights of absurdity! I hope I never have to deal with even 1% of what you are going through!

DH just walked in the room and I just told him that the only way out of our marriage for him is in a pine box!! He's , and .

Went for my first counselling session and I thought it went well, only cried twice! She was a lovely lady, £ 60 though, maybe I would be better going to Boots and spending it on anti -ageing serum.

KOKO, WWK, you are amazing as always, when is the man going to give up And realise you have conquered him at every turn, or will he just carry on and on.