Dear NSTBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Dear NSTBXH,

I was safely met at the court and walked up to team WWK's room, led by my solicitor, and followed by yours, who actually is a nice, smiley woman - good with children, I'd expect.

She has selected a barrister, who also has a face suitable for children, which is good, I think, given her specialism is y'know them little beings and what not.

But the bad news, the judge was a fellow barrister, and not a judge, just deputising for one. He specialises in...well you guessed it. Quite a cosy team they made too.

The lovely SHB, who is an attractive enough woman, but definitely would 'frighten the children', is just lovely (to me) was already there to meet me.

"Why I am here?" She asked as we entered the room.

'Cos I is getting divorced, innit?' I said, hopefully.

So off she popped to find a more sensible person.

But sadly came back with the news that the 'shb' doesn't know why she's here either.

Anyway off SHB went to do her thing in the corridor with 'shb', which is mostly just standing around chatting over our respective positions.

Mine was sitting down drinking tea, back to the door. I never got to see yours.

Your 'shb' submitted today was just a waste of time, so we should all just prepare for a Final Hearing. My SHB submitted that if you would like to make a reasonable offer, than something could be salvaged and we could spare ourselves the stress of litigation.

Ever pessimistic, SHL and I decided to attack your fourth Form E and start preparing for a Final Hearing, whilst we had SHB on board (and paid for).

Then 'shb' called out 'SHB', the latter being a very wise woman, may be a secret Mumsnetter. Well, Who knows? But she does know 'No' is a complete sentence.

Would I revise downward the maintenance?

No.

Apparently this was the wrong answer.

Would we treat this as a Fuckwits Demonstrate Reasonableness Session?

No.

Don't think you were overly chuffed at that either.

Would I at least discuss the maintenance pending suit being unfair?

No.

Seriously? No. Fuck off.

Would I provide the answers to the questionnaire today?

No.

It transpires you are very pissed off indeed, and feel very badly treated. Do I care?

Nope.

We asked that you would consider paying something towards the costs you have forced on to me.

Apparently, not.

We suggested that we ask the judge to grant a Legal Services Order, and informed them that we had proposed to submit a Wasted Costs Order.

So you agreed to release all the capital tied up in my solicitor's account to help me overcome the on-going problems you have been dumping on me since you left, and also to fund my legal fees.

Hallelujah!

So I can at least pay for today's waste of time.

So six hours sitting in a stuffy room, lots of giggles were had, and just one near cry.

The realisation that by you effectively spending all my Spousal Maintenance each month, and leaving me in a hell of a hole: all you have done, is pushed up my needs and proved it's inadequate, and left me sleepless for days at a time (including last night).

So SHB then went to tackle this.

You have agreed not to apply for the absolute until at the earliest next year. Should either of us feel the need to do otherwise, we go to prison.

It seems we are now in a forced marriage.

And one you must continue paying for until a court decides otherwise.

I bet you're furious.

Secondly, your spending is excessive. Your shifting of the assets and hiding them, has raised lots of questions. You have now signed undertakings to cease this 'master of the universe' behaviour.

Or go to prison.

Well done. You agree to unfreezing mine, and then got your own frozen.

We have agreed to have minimum contact, and only on very specific points. No more nonsense.

I can finally sleep at night knowing I can pay the bills in the short term, and your pestering of me must stop.

So there was lots of to-ing and fro-ing between the barristers (all three of them) whilst I drank tea, worked on your Form E v.4 with SHL.

It's entirely predictable that a Fuckwits Demonstrate Reasonableness is not going to be fruitful, and so finally your 'shb' informed the court that this was one of those 'exceptional cases' that doesn't get to have an FDR. But still we pushed for one, in the hope you would try and co-operate with this divorce you instigated.

But nope.

And so we now head into a Final Hearing instead. For me that's a good result (cheaper), but SHL and SHB not so much - they have to cancel their holidays.

The only winner of today was little old 'me'. The judge couldn't give a fuck, and the legal teams aren't happy at all with the proceedings. As for you?

I don't give a fuck.

We have a very strict timetable. Given we have met the previous timetable exactly as prescribed, and yours haven't - good luck with that. One deviance and the Final Hearing will be delayed. You have to rely on 'shs' now getting her act together.

Not.my.problem.com

Talking of whom, your smiley shs was pretty pissed off by the end of the day though, opening the door and slamming down paperwork. But the most amusing part was your barrister shouting at mine in the corridor.

Amazing how you make so many women miserable and antsy. Isn't it?

SHL and I were in fits of giggles. I only nearly broke down once today, and I can assure you it wasn't about you. It was about the hell of the last five months, the shocking way you left, and the endless misery of having to cope with it, the stunts you have pulled.

But the undertakings are so extensive, I know what I have to do in the five months to survive. I know what you can't do anymore. And I imagine you are furious you are going to have to keep me in my lovely home until at least then.

So I didn't see you today, other than the back of your head, as we were in a proper court room, which I didn't expect. The 'judge' asked you some questions and you spoke, but just like the last hearing, your disembodied voice isn't really that bothersome.

And so neither are my feelings about you these days.

And hilariously, the song on the radio as I came home:

I came in, checked my emails, and have received an email from the police regarding the other idiot who has caused me some grief this year, and who has been dealt with by the courts this week as well. It says,

Victim Support are able to offer you emotional and practical support, they can be contacted on 0845 6121 900

Thought you might make better use of it. I'm doing okay all things considered.

Wife, still getting divorced.

(Sorry good people of MN...I may be ranting on here for quite some time).

Which just so happened to be the financial control and the psychological abuse during the marriage. The way decisions were made and why, and how that had on-going effects on my ability to get out of the mess he had left me in.

And then finally we got to the numbers – which is what a Final Hearing is all about.

I mentioned I’d lost 2.5 stone in 8.5 months leaving me with nothing to wear, and the amounts in pounds sterling he had dumped on me post the SM hearing. How I’d had to borrow endlessly to sustain the legal fight, and what that meant for BIL’s mortgage, and how the impact of Mr SW wilful and continuous refusing to co-operate with full and frank disclosure had doubled my anticipated costs. And that he continued to refuse to co-operate as recently as Friday.

And so I was asked about the financial investments that I could prove as well as I could allude to.

And which point, Mr SW shut the fuck up.

Because Mr Grumpy Gudge checked with SHB and CC whether this court could be satisfied that there had been Full and Frank disclosure.

CC confirmed that there had been wilful non-disclosure.

SHB reminded Grumpy Gudge that it was WWK’s case that there had been wanton and reckless spending of marital assets post separation.

So, having been so rudely interrupted, I was then asked by to balance what I had sold assets for and why there was a gap between what should be in the escrow account, and what actually was in it. I was also asked to explain the debts that I had v. the substantial bank balance (pre-separation) Mr SW had. I was asked about how I felt about the huge sums of money that had seemingly vanished since the SM hearing. “Nothing” was not the answer. I was asked about why I was so overdrawn, and I was asked to explain how I had managed to keep things ‘ticking over’ to get to this point: and admitted it was because I had been selling chattels to just keep my head above the parapet. I was asked roughly what this ‘income’ had been. I told the truth, and nothing but the truth on this matter.

I was asked to describe my standard of living during the marriage and how I was adjusting to living without an income.

I was directed to agree that I had selected some properties that I would like to live in, the prices they cost but I was not invited to discuss these further.

And finally, SHB said ‘nothing further, sir’.

Whereupon, CC was invited to cross examine WWK.

Whereupon, WWK decided she needed the loo.

You are amazing, WWK. I hope it's cathartic getting it all out like this.

WWK, Im emotionally exhausted just reading that...I hope that the fact that you are still writing so beautifully means the outcome is to be positive. Looking forward to the next installment.

Holy Crapoley!!! Three hours!?! My goodness, that's longer than some accused criminals spend in the dock! Absolute madness.

But, sore bony bum aside, I'm sure you were fantastic!

OOOOHHHHH (again)

Now I need a wee......... my bladder can't cope with the suspense, you must have bladder and nerves of steel WWK, my hat is doffed.

Delurking to say well done wwk have followed for months and can't believe the Day is here,

Cheerleading here for you WWK, pom poms are waving rhythmically!

And now, of course, we get to the point that WWK has to deliver some disappointing news.

That up to this point, the reasonable, charming, almost pleasant, nay civil and kindly CC ceased being her ordinary self and put it upon herself to be a little bit, shall we say, cantankerous sounding in order to deliver some very convoluted questioning.

And I said 'eh' as only a dumb blonde can.

Or when I tried to answer, she interrupted to say that I didn't understand her question.

So I'd ask her to repeat it.

And then, clearly, not quite understanding it that time she'd interrupt with 'just' answer the question.

And I'd say "I'm trying but you keep interrupting what I'm trying to say"

And on and on this argy bargy went.

For 1 hour, 15 minutes.

Type faster, damn you!

Ooh, I just knew that was going to be a cross-post.

So, as expected, his so-called experts were a shower of shite on the day then?
I don't know how GG kept his temper (unless he was giving them enough rope to hang themselves).
96%? Good result.
You up to doing this tonight though? As much as I'm gagging to know, I also know what my 'day' was like - and that was without the cross-examination etc that you had.
Off to get a bottle of wine to sip while reading....

Crikey WWK! Watching with avid, invested interest but you MUST be in need of a stiff drink love!

I am on the edge of my seat WWK...

I agree with mine whilst I am dying to know what happened to SW, you must be exhausted! please take care of yourself xx

goes back to lurking

Baited breath...and wondering how many of us are watching this unfold?

I haven't slept in 24 hours and I just can't sleep now until I know what happened!

Breath is bated!

I have followed and cheered you from the sidelines but not posted. Tonight I am delurking to take my hat off to you for going through all this and still being able to make a coherent sentence.

I'm here lurking, as I have been since the start. I'm on tenterhooks, but already, well done WWK.

I'm here, waiting patiently for your updates x

Also waiting with baited breath

I have been following this thread from the start and I'm delurking just to say I love the way you write and hope things went well. (turning blue with baited breath)

I had my gallbladder removed today and am lying in bed trying not to giggle at your account.
You are a wonderful strong woman and with this behind you your life can be amazing.
Sending you but please don't make me laugh!

And so we got to the end of that. Whereupon, Grumpy Gudge, who was no longer Grumpy (I think he likes having a ‘very interesting case for a change’, asked me a couple of kindly questions but insisted I remain seated, with my now very numb arse, on the wooden bench.

And Grumpy Gudge said: given the disclosures and submissions of WWK, CC and the case made by SHB, I am giving Mr SW one hour to remedy the “Bull and Pollyanna” disclosures.

And so SHL and I went for a fag and neither of us said or thought . In fact, SHL said in future I could consider being a ‘professional witness’. I said ‘funny that’, I was thinking of becoming a professional writer…

But as a contingency, perhaps, just getting married several times over might suffice…

SHB, CC, shs and Mr CC had to remain to make some telephone calls. Which is odd because he claims he has telephoniphobia…

And so SHL made up for not supplying the tea, and instead bought me a sandwich. Yep, £300 pound per hour got me a £2.99 discount…)
And then, of course, we had to return…

And then came the utterly, totally, amazingly shocking news. Mr. SW wishes to make a new offer.

Apparently, there is no loan. There is no repayment schedule. WWK can keep all the assets in her name. And we can all go home and ‘forget about it’.

And I thought what happens if that’s the best deal of the day?
And then little blonde me asked…So what happened with the telephone call?

And then, although I was told by SHB, I shall keep that a secret…until we get back into the room de Grumpy Gudge…