Dear NSTBXH,
I was safely met at the court and walked up to team WWK's room, led by my solicitor, and followed by yours, who actually is a nice, smiley woman - good with children, I'd expect.
She has selected a barrister, who also has a face suitable for children, which is good, I think, given her specialism is y'know them little beings and what not.
But the bad news, the judge was a fellow barrister, and not a judge, just deputising for one. He specialises in...well you guessed it. Quite a cosy team they made too.
The lovely SHB, who is an attractive enough woman, but definitely would 'frighten the children', is just lovely (to me) was already there to meet me.
"Why I am here?" She asked as we entered the room.
'Cos I is getting divorced, innit?' I said, hopefully.
So off she popped to find a more sensible person.
But sadly came back with the news that the 'shb' doesn't know why she's here either.
Anyway off SHB went to do her thing in the corridor with 'shb', which is mostly just standing around chatting over our respective positions.
Mine was sitting down drinking tea, back to the door. I never got to see yours.
Your 'shb' submitted today was just a waste of time, so we should all just prepare for a Final Hearing. My SHB submitted that if you would like to make a reasonable offer, than something could be salvaged and we could spare ourselves the stress of litigation.
Ever pessimistic, SHL and I decided to attack your fourth Form E and start preparing for a Final Hearing, whilst we had SHB on board (and paid for).
Then 'shb' called out 'SHB', the latter being a very wise woman, may be a secret Mumsnetter. Well, Who knows? But she does know 'No' is a complete sentence.
Would I revise downward the maintenance?
No.
Apparently this was the wrong answer.
Would we treat this as a Fuckwits Demonstrate Reasonableness Session?
No.
Don't think you were overly chuffed at that either.
Would I at least discuss the maintenance pending suit being unfair?
No.
Seriously? No. Fuck off.
Would I provide the answers to the questionnaire today?
No.
It transpires you are very pissed off indeed, and feel very badly treated. Do I care?
Nope.
We asked that you would consider paying something towards the costs you have forced on to me.
Apparently, not.
We suggested that we ask the judge to grant a Legal Services Order, and informed them that we had proposed to submit a Wasted Costs Order.
So you agreed to release all the capital tied up in my solicitor's account to help me overcome the on-going problems you have been dumping on me since you left, and also to fund my legal fees.
Hallelujah!
So I can at least pay for today's waste of time.
So six hours sitting in a stuffy room, lots of giggles were had, and just one near cry.
The realisation that by you effectively spending all my Spousal Maintenance each month, and leaving me in a hell of a hole: all you have done, is pushed up my needs and proved it's inadequate, and left me sleepless for days at a time (including last night).
So SHB then went to tackle this.
You have agreed not to apply for the absolute until at the earliest next year. Should either of us feel the need to do otherwise, we go to prison.
It seems we are now in a forced marriage.
And one you must continue paying for until a court decides otherwise.
I bet you're furious.
Secondly, your spending is excessive. Your shifting of the assets and hiding them, has raised lots of questions. You have now signed undertakings to cease this 'master of the universe' behaviour.
Or go to prison.
Well done. You agree to unfreezing mine, and then got your own frozen.
We have agreed to have minimum contact, and only on very specific points. No more nonsense.
I can finally sleep at night knowing I can pay the bills in the short term, and your pestering of me must stop.
So there was lots of to-ing and fro-ing between the barristers (all three of them) whilst I drank tea, worked on your Form E v.4 with SHL.
It's entirely predictable that a Fuckwits Demonstrate Reasonableness is not going to be fruitful, and so finally your 'shb' informed the court that this was one of those 'exceptional cases' that doesn't get to have an FDR. But still we pushed for one, in the hope you would try and co-operate with this divorce you instigated.
But nope.
And so we now head into a Final Hearing instead. For me that's a good result (cheaper), but SHL and SHB not so much - they have to cancel their holidays.
The only winner of today was little old 'me'. The judge couldn't give a fuck, and the legal teams aren't happy at all with the proceedings. As for you?
I don't give a fuck.
We have a very strict timetable. Given we have met the previous timetable exactly as prescribed, and yours haven't - good luck with that. One deviance and the Final Hearing will be delayed. You have to rely on 'shs' now getting her act together.
Not.my.problem.com
Talking of whom, your smiley shs was pretty pissed off by the end of the day though, opening the door and slamming down paperwork. But the most amusing part was your barrister shouting at mine in the corridor.
Amazing how you make so many women miserable and antsy. Isn't it?
SHL and I were in fits of giggles. I only nearly broke down once today, and I can assure you it wasn't about you. It was about the hell of the last five months, the shocking way you left, and the endless misery of having to cope with it, the stunts you have pulled.
But the undertakings are so extensive, I know what I have to do in the five months to survive. I know what you can't do anymore. And I imagine you are furious you are going to have to keep me in my lovely home until at least then.
So I didn't see you today, other than the back of your head, as we were in a proper court room, which I didn't expect. The 'judge' asked you some questions and you spoke, but just like the last hearing, your disembodied voice isn't really that bothersome.
And so neither are my feelings about you these days.
And hilariously, the song on the radio as I came home:
I came in, checked my emails, and have received an email from the police regarding the other idiot who has caused me some grief this year, and who has been dealt with by the courts this week as well. It says,
Victim Support are able to offer you emotional and practical support, they can be contacted on 0845 6121 900
Thought you might make better use of it. I'm doing okay all things considered.
Wife, still getting divorced.
(Sorry good people of MN...I may be ranting on here for quite some time).