Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

[thenamehaschanged]

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

I hope there's a hell and I hope he's there.

:( poor little girl.

Gather your strength Name, rest up and be ready for what is to come. I had not heard the news of Oscar P till I read your thread tonight, I am shocked and horrified I really thought it would be a guilty verdict. However (shoot me down but...) I trust this judge- she is following the line of the law absolutely and much of the evidence is circumstantial. No matter what we think we really do not know what happened that night apart from the fact that he did kill her and he will be held to account for that; Judge Thokozile Masipa is a woman and a black woman in a country where women have to fight for everything. She is wise and hard as it is for us to accept, I think she is right about the evidence.

What you have to do now is get ready for your next phase. Hold steady, stay strong and stay determined. Freedom is within sight but it is not a battle easily won when dealing with a manipulator of your H's type. I am rooting for you, I think of you daily, wondering how your day has gone and if you are out of there yet. You will be free, this, like all things will pass and you will see the light again with your daughters and in safety.

Oh god name don't watch the news- it is too awful.

Oh Thank you Orange

I think I will stop watching the news, I've got enough on my own plate although just harking back to old oscar, yes agreed I think (hope) he'll still get a harsh sentence tomorrow, I reckon manslaughter with like a 12 year sentence or something? Not harsh enough clearly obviously but if he walks free tomorrow I will be truly gobsmacked and so terribly disheartened.

H full of the usual joys tonight - Gaslight got switched off in favour of CBB although he has just had a bit of a go at me over something I said in reference to the programme - apparently I an 'always' like that - I think I know something when I don't.

Ho hum you won't have to put up with me for too much longer then will you! [ grin]

not [ grin]!

I watched BB once - I think it was the first series (?) and a lot of people at work were raving about it. I haven't seen it again though. I would much rather watch Gaslight.

Hope you are OK, despite having to watch crap, reality tv with your abuser. There really is a better life waiting for you, Name.

Last night I casually brought up the story of the little girl who had been shot by her father, hoping to evoke disgust in H. I was on my computer reading the news while he watched big brother.

He muttered under his breath very matter of factly and with a mild hint of arrogance words to the effect of 'well she was taken away from him'

I in a shocked tone then asked him 'did you just say her and her mum deserved that because she was taken away from him'?

He then, quite a bit louder said 'Name, can I give you a fiver to not have to talk about this please'

So I didn't. He was fakely cheery after that.

I don't for one second believe he would ever hurt his children. I truly don't. That comment was meant to scare me.

This morning he slept in and took the DD's to school on his way to work - I'm sensing his mood shifting to negative again.

I tell you I feel very strange - a bit like I've got an exciting secret - I'm looking forward to it and not at the same time, will have loads more to say on Monday morning obviously after I've seen the solicitor and it looks as if my parents will be moving out on Friday. I'm just going to avoid as much contact with him as possible this weekend - he's out tonight thankfully.

This morning he slept in and took the DD's to school on his way to work - I'm sensing his mood shifting to negative again Of course he is his mood to the a negative because A) he can only keep up being nice/happy for a short while as it consumes so much energy to be false. And B) you not playing his game, he keeps asking you out 'for a drink' so he can 'prove' you are an alcoholic but you keep blocking him so he is now having to find/think of new ways to make you live hell.

LIFE not live

Yes you're right clutter, thank you - that's twice he's tried to get me out alone for a drink since the AA incident

It is completely and utterly baffling why anyone would tell their partner that they were an alcoholic, seek 'help' for them on their behalf and then ask them down the pub twice in the space of 2 weeks since - it's very, very unnerving.

Name please be careful That comment hes made is very very worrying. And a bloody cheek considering that hes chosen to spend most of his time away from the DC

And yes as I've been saying no and not getting into that situation again then there is likely to be a shift in tactics.

Jesus Christ - he's a through and through Monster!

Thank you Darkest, I will tell it all to my solicitor on Monday, don't worry

I'd wonder (???) if its worth logging that comment with the police too, let them know you think its an empty threat, but he said it nonetheless, knowing you want to leave him.

Yes I think I will. I have emailed my solicitor just saying ahead of our meeting on Monday, incase I forget I just thought I'd let her know that he said that last night and that he keeps asking me out alone to the pub after contacting AA about me (shudder)

I keep having an attack of nerves and then calming down!

I have spoken to 101 before so I will call them after I have seen the solicitor and know clearly what will be happening - it's going to be next week. It looks like my parents will be moving out earlier than Friday. I think I might blub when they go - I feel protected with them here even though we don't really talk about what's happening and my dad was on at me a bit about not selling the house yesterday.

I will call 101 and WA after the solicitor and then I will be at the freedom programme on Tuesday.

That was a chilling comment, name, about the crime.
This seems less of a scare tactic than a reflection of his thought processes; which he hastily tried to deflect. 'This happened, so that is justified'.

Urgh. No words..

I know you'll call WA when you're ready, I just can't help wishing that was now....

And the pub thing.. if you see him as a nice person acting with the best of intentions, it is very baffling. If you see him as someone trying to weaken you, discredit you, or trap you into looking like something you aren't, it makes a lot of sense. He really is that bad, name, and then some. :(

I know trackr :( I am a little bit of a bag of nerves today. Jittery legs that won't keep still when I'm sitting down and absolutely zero appetite.

It really is happening. It's going to happen next week.

I totally agree with you on the drinking thing. It isn't baffling, it makes perfect sense and then reality hits of what he is.

I'm really glad you've notified your shl of his comment and his invitations. Neither are nice, and say an awful lot about how he operates, more than he would really want anyone to know. If he were challenged, he would claim he was joking (and no one would actually believe him).

KOKO, Name. Nearly there now.

Thanks Jux, I thought it best to as well, sod if it looks like telling tales.

He just called there, his mate has blown him out so he was just going to come back tonight....unless of course I want to do something. To which I said no. He then said he doesn't want to seem like he's abandoning me by going out anyway and I said no it's fine PLEASE go out if you want.

So he's going to have a couple of beers and then come home for the big brother final.

I felt light headed and like I had a ton weight on my chest as I walked to school to get the girls. Proper cracking up a little

Not cracking up, not at all.

You're doing great, Name. Just hold your nerve.

See how far you have come, the nerves are understable, just keep going freedom is in your reach

Thanks Wini, thanks Larry

I've been naughty and have had a couple of wines with my mum (I'm supposed to be keeping sober) I'm not drunk and will be fine when he gets in but I can't keep up the detox thing tonight, I can't, I need wine, fags...the lot! Don't care, I'm serving H with divorce papers next week

Thanks Random X