Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

[thenamehaschanged]

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

Ahh hi everyone thank you for checking on me

I'm ok thanks, my bloody papers still aren't back from court yet! Should be end of this week she says but she said that last week. My parents are still here though - they're not behaving too badly actually and are doing some decorating for me, earning their keep haha!

I went to my first freedom programme session yesterday - it was really good. I must admit it's a strange feeling looking round the room and you know everyone's been through shit - I'm actually glad I've taken up smoking again because it meant I could do some bonding at break time! The girl next to me has also just recently started the habit again after 5 years off.

I felt a bit of a fraud though - I haven't been punched in the face or dragged down the stairs by my hair and raped in the garage - towards the end though they were touching more on psychological aspects and that's what H has been doing - so I do have a place there I think.

Love to you all

Oh and H? Well he's being mr fucking lovely at the moment - his old self

Sorry one other thing I registered with the temp agency and my last employer and last agency both gave me glowing references haha I felt really touched

Of course you have a place there, abuse is just that whether it's mental or physical.

I know, thanks ATM it's the old minimising at play again!

Gosh that thread about that kid getting head butted by his Dad is a bit of a shocker isn't it? If anything told me how far I've come and that I'm doing the right thing it's that!

Glad to hear things are staying on an even keel. You wouldn't have been accepted in the course if they didn't think you needed it. Let him be Mr Niceguy you know it's an act he's got an incling your trying to get out and he's desperately trying to lull you back. You know that now which is the difference to previous times, this time it won't work and he's having to work twice as hard at being nice, at some point he'll snap and you need to be ready to flee, do you have your go bag sorted ?

KOKO you're doing brilliantly

Ah thank you Petunia

I've head my head buried a bit about it all these last couple of weeks because the papers haven't been ready - but thinking about it all today has made my chest feel a bit tighter. Life just seems so normal at the moment, even happyish, h full of all these plans for the house and for our lives moving forward and here I am about to drop a bomb on it all.

It doesn't feel like my life, it feels like someone else I'm talking about.

But I know my version of what's happy and what actually really is are two very different things and of course it will continue to be so so shit if I stayed.

Yes I have a bag sorted

KOKO

Just letting you know I'm still here, waving my pom poms for you :)

It doesn't feel like my life, it feels like someone else I'm talking about
I'd say that's a pretty normal feeling name.under the circs.
You are doing the right thing X 1000 and just keep trying to focus on your freedom, you're doing brilliantly Xx

Glad you are hanging on in there and have started on the freedom programme, onwards & upwards

I've just read through your threads and I just wanted to say that I am so impressed by your ability to maintain your sense of humour, keep yourself going and generally DEAL with all this shit. You are so strong and your kids are lucky to have you - I hope everything is sorted with the paperwork soon so that you can have the happy ending you so obviously deserve.

Name im glad you have started the Freedom Programme. Hes being Mr Happy to try and confuse you. You are doing fantastically and i really admire you You are a great role model for your DC

Thank you thanks carbe, random and dojo

H called tonight asking if I wanted to meet him for a drink the answer was no obviously!

I've just got off the phone to MIL who's all happy things are finally working out for me and H, we're all settled and the kids are happy

I know, I've been here before in my last thread worrying about her and her reaction, I know I shouldn't, but this is all just so surreal.

I'm sitting out here smoking and H has just waved at me.

Honestly this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I really hope that by the time the papers are ready to be served he is being shitty again

Dh and I very nearly seperated earlier this year. Very long story but he'd shut me out for years and refused to try and be different.

I had to keep up the pretence for months as I saved money to leave, changed to a cheaper to run car, waited to pay off debts and for childcare to go down. It was absolutely horrid, I felt dreadful but I think when I told him it was over and that I was going to move out he knew I meant it - not a lame threat at all.

Fortunately we have a happy ending (so far) it was the shock to the core he needed to accept I wouldn't accept our marriage as it was and he's really changed. He was never an abusive arse though.

I suppose I'm just saying it is awful being so calculated because it's just not in your nature to be deceitful whereas it drips from his every essence.

Aw thanks random I'm so glad it has worked out for you in the end, I know how difficult that must have been for you. I really do feel like a scheming, calculating bitch but he hasn't left me any alternative really.

I've come in now and very, very randomly indeed he has been watching old BGT auditions on his laptop of Susan boyle(?) and some other kid who gives a belting performance, and he has been crying while watching them

My best friend used to say to me 'Name, how come he sits there blubbing away at shit like family fortunes or something, but treats you with zero compassion and empathy'?

I honestly have no idea. He's perked up now that big brothers on

Because unpleasant men can be sentimental...

I guess so Twink. Just sentimental at the wrong things - no tears for example at our wedding or at the birth of our two children, but definitely tears for Susan Boyle haha!

Hes blubbing crocodile tears.

Yeah probably darkest (hope you're ok lovey x)

It was fantastic buttocks that was so right - it's ok to end your marriage if they're being nice to you, it's ok - just got to keep that firmly upfront in my mind

You're not schemeing, calculating it a bitch, you're an amazingly strong, intelligent woman who is being a fantastic Mum by ensuring her kids will have a safe and consistent home and future and you deserve to be out if there, living the life you want and deserve. Damned paperwork takes far too long, but hold on, really not long to go now. Hugs

I've only just seen this so am not fully up to date but wanted to say that you are most definitely not a scheming, calculating bitch. What you are is being practical, sensible and looking after your's and the DC's interests. Bloody well done.

As for his crocodile tears, how does anyone know he cries at TV shows? Do they see it by any chance? His display of compassion for some random stranger he's never likely to meet? Highly suspicious IMO. Reeks of "look at what a wonderful compassionate person I am when it suits my purpose aren't my family lucky to have me "

Onwards and upwards Name, hopefully those papers will be ready very soon.

Hi Name just caught up with your thread. Don't forget the nice guy act and the crocodile tears are just more manipulations to reel you in once again. You've seen through that pattern now, and recognise it for what it is. You are doing brilliantly.

KOKO

^^^
This x100. You know it's all bollocks now. It's an act to lull you back. How many times in your married life has he done the same?

Evil, bearable, v evil, (name says she's had enough stop it) super nice, bearable then back to evil. It's a cycle of behaviour to keep you on your toes but under his control.

KOKO with plenty of

KOKO, name. And of course you need a place on the Freedom Prog as much as anyone else there. When you've done the whole course you will see that so clearly.

Thank you so so much everybody I really appreciate your support

Well - the papers are now ready...GULP

I got the email from the solicitor just now, alongside one from H with a snapshot attached of us all on a holiday 2 years ago.

He sent it because he wants us to sign up to a dog sitting agency where you can borrow people's dogs for the weekend and you need to send in a photo - the girls love dogs and he's painting a picture of wonderful family weekends.

I feel sick.

My solicitor wants me to go in and see her next week to talk next steps and also she said in her email to talk about H's recent behaviour which will no doubt be the AA thing.

I'm scared!! He's pulling out all the fucking stops - cigarette consumption today 6 already.