Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

[thenamehaschanged]

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

Hi name! Just voicing my support from sunny Berkshire which feels a bit dull compared to your international fan base!

The irony of his latest email listing all of your good points is, I have no doubt that every one of them is true. Your sense of humour and quick wit shine through even on your thread about ending your marriage. I'm sure you are beautiful, and a great cook, and everything else he said...

Shame he missed it at the time and treated you like shit instead ey....

Aw thank you xxx I just wanted to say something because I know there are lurkers in the same position.

Well I've said it to him straight now, because divorce papers weren't enough he emailed trying to turn tonight into some kind of mediating session, me talking things through with his brother, him talking things through with my friend!

I was like err no! You're coming here to collect your stuff and that's it! The reason we have a third and fourth party present is to stop you things descending into nastiness, that is all. It is over, my mind is made up, there is no way back and I only wish to communicate via email in regards to the kids.

That was a while ago and considering he's been emailing all day, I haven't heard anything since so we shall see!

Koko name!

And even if you wanted to mediate (which you don't!!) - at home, at night, with the kids asleep and two non neutral parties involved would be the wrong way to do it!

I wonder if he'll turn unpleasant now you've laid down the law, but at the same time he must know that wouldn't do him any favours.

Anyway, bugger him. What a day you've had, you must be shattered. Well done; you rock.

You have to give him top marks for sheer bloody minded determination. I think it's getting near time to tell him that any further contact will be considered harassment, in which case he will be collecting his things strictly by appointment with the police there. If that isn't convenient you have no objection to packing things up for him and leaving them outside for collection.

The next time he mentions your talent for organiation, reminding him that it wouldn't be such a necessary talent for you to have if he was able to do the simplest thing (eg filling out a time sheet) for himself would be very tempting, but probably not wise.

for Name!

Name this is your achievement. And its a huge one. from me too. You amazing woman

I'm in awe of your strength Name. You're a ruddy inspiration. Stay strong, no matter what comes your way over the next few days and weeks. He won't let you go easily, so just be prepared for the full range of approaches - flattery, begging, pleading, apology... sooner or later they'll turn to anger and bitterness so keep your wits about you. Always keep in mind what he's put you through and what he's capable of, and don't lose focus of your dream for you and the girls.

Hope you have an uneventful, calm evening my love, xxx

You go girl! It IS all you, all you're own hard won brilliance that's got you this far, so you'll just have to accept all these embarrassing messages praising you!

Oh seriously! and more and all good-things for your triumphs today. Not sure what the tennis ball's there for, but have one of those too

I could just hug you for your response to the saccharine "reasons why I love you" email. I daresay all those things he wrote are true of you, but coming from a man who knows he's used them as sticks to beat you with, they're an insult at the very best, and a veiled threat at worst. And you read it as a reminder of all the reasons hy you have done the right thing!

Go-go-go TheName!!!

The thing that gets me about Email 4 is that the stuff he has written, is the sort of stuff I would say about someone I have known for less than a year, not someone I have been in an intimate relationship with for nearly a decade. It just shows what a shallow person he is, that he doesn't know you any better, and that he hasn't taken the time and effort to understand who you really are. What a knob .

Hi name, yet more brilliance from you.

Argh! Get those bloody E-mails - poor poor hard done by little lamb that
he is
I particularly liked Email 4 - point no10 - You are so dependable. :)
Not any more FUCKER!!
You can almost hear the straws being clutched at in his words. WTF does he think his 'reasons' will accomplish. Like you said - you've heard them all before and as my Gran would say 'Promises are like pie crusts = easily made and easily broken'

Well done with shooting down his suggestion of mediation and putting him in his place. What an absolute arse.

Take care Xx

His setting up this "mediation" rather dipped his hand. Can't you pack his stuff and set it outside the door (the moment you see his car approach)?
If he comes inside, then he may insist on "adult communication" before he will leave. I know that you can call the police at that point, but wouldn't it be better to avoid that by not letting him in at all? He is entitled to his things, but imho, that does not equate with him having access to enter our home.

Your home

Awwww, email 4! I've changed my mind. Go back to him. What a catch he is!

Juuuuussssst kidding.

(and where'd we come down with that leftover pizza? ...)

Seriously, though, hope tonight went as serenely as poss for you. We're all (still) on tenterhooks.

Your silence is worrying! Hope it didn't all kick off. KOKO you are amazing

Yes, getting worried. >fretful-icon

Hope you are ok Name x

Hope you're ok name. Please do let us know

Hope you're OK, Name. Hope the evening worked out peacefully, and also hoping that you had a lovely time with your friend

You OK Name ?

how are you this morning?

Hey name, just checking in. How was last night and how did it feel waking up this morning? Let us know you're OK...

Hi name, hope last night passed without incident and you had a restful night. Hope you and the dc have something nice planned for this weekend