Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

[thenamehaschanged]

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

Hes trying to play Happy Families. Be careful Name.

Yes I know, thanks Darkest.

Have had a really good chat with my solicitor while he went to get the kids.

He's getting served on Tuesday! (Because he's out Monday) we talked about orders - she said she would rather I have a non mol because OO's are about regulating occupation of the house and don't carry much weight.

She has said that in order to get one I need to be at risk and that does mean locking the front door and calling the police - she doesn't want H to have any pre warning of getting an order - if she takes me to court to get one she wants to say 'this is all his past behaviour, this is what he's doing now, I am not safe'.

I told her he's playing happy families and talking future plans and she said there's a difference between me being polite and being encouraging. Politely take the kids out (not unusual for separating couples) but don't get drawn too much into happy plans. Say 'let's just have a nice weekend and not talk about this now'

And she's going to call me on Monday to check how I've been over the weekend and that we're still on for serving Tuesday.

I'll be at the Freedom Programme when he gets them - how ironic!

Damn, that is a woman who's never been through emotional abuse. She just doesn't geddit. >sigh<

It's all going forward, though - best of luck.

She doesnt get it AT ALL

Urgh I don't know. The only other way to get an order she said is to apply to the court now while I'm not in immediate danger but then H will be notified and will need to attend where he can say this is all bullshit, the woman's mad - there then may be a chance I don't get it. This may well also be aggravating.

I'm stuck with her for now though. I had to send her a picture of H to give to the serving agent!

That is fucking ridiculous Name.

What should I say to her - she's a senior solicitor and does seem to know her stuff but that's only because I don't know anything about this stuff. Plus the ncdv sort of echoed it by saying you can't get an order on the basis that someone 'might' turn nasty

I going to have to get one because there is no way we will be able to live under the same roof, absolutely no way.

I.e you have to wait and see what happens

Oh Name im so sorry. The fact that you are worried hes going to kick off should be enough for the solicitior IMO.
Im sorry i cant be more help.

You CANNOT be expected to live under the same roof as this man. He is emotionally abusive and unpredictable.

Hi Name All you can do is head down and carry on. Irrespective of what the not so shit hot lawyer says, go with your gut feeling over your own and the DDs safety. Don't try and stick to some vaguely spouted protocol if you think he will lose the plot and abuse you! I suspect he will either just roll over completely or go doolally completely. He doesn't seem to have anything but polar behaviours.
Thanks for asking....
DH is waiting for an op but is on loads of pain killers and can't do much. We are positive mentally though and just want to get to mid October when it should all be sorted. We are lucky we discovered he had the cancer as it was silent apart from weight loss. Just have to hope it hasn't spread. We are, as Pink Floyd said, 'Hanging on in quiet desperation, it's the English way'.

Tuesday is the beginning of your fabulous new future name , we'll all be thinking of you on Tuesday!!

Best wishes to you and your DH Dinnae

I posted a lot earlier on this thread, you are doing so so well, I am thinking of you

Aw bless you Dinnae thank you - I'm thinking of you too lovely xxx I really really really hope he just rolls over, the fact I have a solicitor might be enough but I don't know obviously.

Thank you Darkest I really appreciate your support and hope you're ok too xx

Thank egg

I would register with the non-emergency police number 101 that you're leaving a man who's emotionally abusive and you don't have an injunction in place.

If he kicks off call the police immediately, and that will help you get your injunction.

Bloody hell I have a few hectic days with work and it's all on again. I agree I'm not happy with your lawyers advice. Keep strong and don't let happy planning dh steam roller you.

We'll I'm back from meal out at pub. 'Twas interesting - he was quite horrible, didn't like me not drinking and his rationale is that he believes I should have one or two and then home for tea. I'm too extreme apparently, either no off switch or teetotal. He brought up the phoning AA night - I couldn't help but bring up the fact I thought it odd he has been trying to get me out for drinks after that - to which he Denied!! And reminded me for good measure that he has a 2:1 degree and therefore a far more logical thinker hahaha

Let's just forget for a moment that a 2:1 is effectively a 'B' - because he then went on to say any accusations from me in the past about his abusive behaviour have always stemmed from him just asking me nicely to do something and then being met with stubbornness from me such as making and living by lists, correctly ordered house, supporting him fully with his madcap ideas and ambitions.

Feeling good anyway and sure of my path.

Thanks Twink I will do, thanks Petunia hope all well

Ha! Fucking gaslighting 101 The 24 carat cunt!!!

Name think of it as him just rubber stamping the fact that you have made the right decision.

Haha thanks Darkest I am! I'm glad he pulled some shite tonight

Still waving those pompoms for you, Name.

Me too

God, me too!

And I! Poms poms a-waving here! Roll on Tuesday.