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Original poster

Given a set amount of money - wrong?

202 replies

whynowblowwind · 22/05/2014 18:05

DH gives me a set amount of cash every week for expenses (SAHM.) it is a perfectly generous amount, and if I want more I can ask for it.

All the same, I don't like it. It feels largely demeaning in a weird way.

He thinks I'm being ridiculous - am I?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 22/05/2014 18:10

I wouldn't like it. When dh wasn't working, I transferred a sum of money to his own account each month for spends, and an amount to the joint account which covered the household expenses.

That your dh says that you are ridiculous speaks volumes tbh

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 22/05/2014 18:12

How else do you want to organise finances?

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 22/05/2014 18:13

I'd like my own debit/credit card as part of the joint account.

I hate having to ask all the time.

OP posts:
TheDudess · 22/05/2014 18:13

How would you prefer to organise it?

kentishgirl · 22/05/2014 18:14

Different families do this in different ways, when there is a SAH parent.

Sometimes the working parent runs the finances.
Sometimes the SAH parent runs the finances.
In some families both run the finances jointly.

This may result in a set or variable amount of 'housekeeping' or 'spending money' allowance being handed over to one of them with the remainder under the control/spend of the other.

Or, some families put all the bills money into one account to pay all household expenses including groceries, that one or both has access to, but it's strictly for family spending. And then whatever is left of the income is divided up between the two of them, equally or not.

I wouldn't like to receive 'housekeeping' either.

When I was married bills were paid by direct debit, an amount was taken out cash for groceries/kids stuff to be used by whoever bought it, and the rest we split between us so pretty equal spending money/control.

Anomaly · 22/05/2014 18:16

I'd find being cash demeaning I can totally understand why you wouldn't like it. If it upsets you then your feelings are valid and just because he doesn't understand why you feel the way you do doesn't mean you don't feel it. I think you need to discuss it again.

Joysmum · 22/05/2014 18:16

That's how we work. I get more than enough for everything plus savings too. Incidentally he gets the same and the rest savings. If he needs extra he can ask and the same for me.

In the old days when things were tight, the amount would be worked out monthly. Now it is the same every month and the amount going into savings varies instead.

I'd hate to have a joint current account, I'm better with money than he is.

kentishgirl · 22/05/2014 18:16

Sorry, it's a joint account but you aren't allowed access to it? Angry.

Oh yeah, and when we did it, any money left over at the end of the month from the bills/household/groceries money, was put into a joint savings account.

Is your husband visiting from 1950? Or is there a reason he shouldn't trust you to take a role in the finances? Or does he think it's 'his' money and you shouldn't get it on an equal basis with him?

Joysmum · 22/05/2014 18:17

Oh and it's not cash it's a monthly standing order

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/05/2014 18:18

If you haven't got access to it - then it's not a joint account.

BertieBotts · 22/05/2014 18:19

Just talk to him. Nothing wrong with the arrangement if it works but if you're not happy or feeling demeaned by it then it's not working. Change the arrangement :)

Obv if he refuses to discuss that would be wrong.

BauerTime · 22/05/2014 18:19

Hmm tricky. Depends on whether you have asked for equal access to money and been refused it or not, or whether this is hypothetical financial control.

Our household finances work sort of like this, in the sense that we transfer a set amount into an account for expenses each month so that we don't overspend. If we just spent directly from our main account it would be difficult to keep a handle on how much we have spent and runs the risk of there not being enough left in there to cover bills etc. But we do allow ourselves more if we need it.

From your OP it sounds like this is how its working for you except that DH 'controls' the flow of money and is responsible for keeping on top of it.

redandchecker · 22/05/2014 18:20

As it's more than enough it wouldn't bother me as long as I could go and get the cash toms elf or it was transferred automatically. I wouldn't want to have to ask every time, that is demeaning.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 22/05/2014 18:20

It's only got his name on the cards, I don't have a current bank account. I have a savings account somewhere with money my dad left me in it. It's not a lot really as he mostly left me property.

I do a fortnightly shop online and am given the card then.

Maybe it's best this way, I'm not great with money and it stops me overspending.

OP posts:
jasminemai · 22/05/2014 18:22

Ours work like this. Dh gets given money when he asks for it but would never take money out without prior asking me so I always know what we have in there.

LettertoHerms · 22/05/2014 18:24

You not having access and being given cash is the weird part to me.

A set amount of money agreed upon for the sahp to spend/run the household on is perfectly normal, but it should be established together as part of the family budget, with both having shared control over the money, with an agreed upon amount for each to spend.

What would you do in an emergency with no cash and no access to more?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/05/2014 18:24

You've never had your own bank account? Shock How did you run your finances before you were married?

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 22/05/2014 18:25

I don't have a current account now. I did when I was working :)

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/05/2014 18:31

I dunno I'm reading you get a generous (your words) amount but you have to keep asking for money.. then say you're not great with money. Would having unlimited access to the main account be a good idea? Have you told him you want your own card?

You really should have your own bank account though.

BauerTime · 22/05/2014 18:33

If you admit to not being good with money and running the risk of overspending then it seems like a good set up, provided that you daren't being controlled with money. It doesn't sound like you are if you 'allowed' more if you need it and the original amount is plenty anyway.

Sometimes it does need one person to be more in control of overall finances, but that doesn't always mean the other one has a raw deal.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 22/05/2014 18:34

It's definitely generous in terms of that I can afford to go out and about, and have a hot chocolate in Costa and get in the bus and mooch about a bit.

I dunno, you're probably right :) I just feel at times a bit like - a pet!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/05/2014 18:37

Why did you close your personal account when you stopped working? Doesn't the Child Benefit go into it? Tax Credits? What happens if someone gives you a cash gift in the form of a cheque? Are you planning to return to work in the future?

BauerTime · 22/05/2014 18:37

OP do you mean household expenses or is this your 'pocket money'?

jasminemai · 22/05/2014 18:38

Maybe you should get a joint account just in case but if dh is in charge dont take money out unless he says its ok. Then you know where you are, but are covered for emergencies etc.

Ewieindwie1 · 22/05/2014 18:40

Don't get it. You need a current account surely, for you to have some money in?

Why did you close your old one?

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