Given a set amount of money - wrong?

[whynowblowwind]

DH gives me a set amount of cash every week for expenses (SAHM.) it is a perfectly generous amount, and if I want more I can ask for it.

All the same, I don't like it. It feels largely demeaning in a weird way.

He thinks I'm being ridiculous - am I?

The best way to stop feeling like a pet is to go back to work and earn some money for yourself. Personally, I'd find the whole idea of being financially dependent on a partner unsettling, no matter how it was dressed up. I'd have to have other sources of income

No way could I live like this. I work full time, keep my own money and we split bills

I don't know why I closed it really. Things were really very difficult at the time.

It's easy to say go back to work in theory, it's not as easy in practice with no car, a school age DS and one month DD.

We don't get CB or tax credits. We just have DHs salary which is paid into his account. It's my 'pocket money' yes although I pick up bits and pieces we need. I do an online shop (using the card) once a week, and this covers most household grocery items and cleaning. If we need something in the week I can generally buy it.

Why don't you get CB? Even if DH's salary is over the threshold for the extra tax, you should still claim it for yourself. Of course it's easy to say go back to work... :) Not suggesting you do it tomorrow or next week but, if you really don't like being dependent on DH and having a spending allowance, you can make it your goal to find something by the time DD is, say, 1yo. Just a few days a week, a bit of your own cash in your pocket, get DH to pay for any child-care.... think it would boost your confidence.

So... He has spare cash allocated to spend and you do too? Same amount? Both in cash?

If he's allowed numerous cards and free access to family finances but you are given cash and no access it's woefully wrong.

If you both have similar, then no issue. You need to get to similar basically when there's only one pot.

whynow,

re your comment:-
"It's only got his name on the cards, I don't have a current bank account. I have a savings account somewhere with money my dad left me in it. It's not a lot really as he mostly left me property.

I do a fortnightly shop online and am given the card then".

He is not supposed to do that at all, that card too remains the property of the bank. You should have a card of your own to do the shopping on.

"Maybe it's best this way, I'm not great with money and it stops me overspending".
Did he tell you that and is that also your way of sugar coating his power and control over you?. Its wrong on so many levels.

It all smacks of financial abuse on his part; what is he like in other areas of your relationship?.

What has been his response upon you asking for joint access and an additional card to his account?.

I didn't know I could claim it for me, I thought if the household income was over a certain amount, you couldn't? :)

I'd LOVE to go back to work but in all honesty I don't know what I want to do! I'm definitely on it though

How did you work before?

Sheer madness to have no own bank account and it's a very risky game having no income of your own.

I don't see anything wrong re him sharing his salary in this way. I wouldn't give somebody bad with money access to my earnings either.

If it's a generous amount to spend on yourself that's fine. I wouldn't say no to a generous amount transferred to my account every month.

Of course you can keep claiming CB. Means DH has to complete a self-assessment and pay a bit more tax but you'd get the money no problem

BTW.... define 'not great with money'. Are you a bit careless/ thoughtless with money? Don't understand finances generally? Run up massive credit card bills and been in IVA territory in the past?

Well, we had a joint bank account and I worked and DH worked.

Then I stopped work, and DH decided to switch bank accounts anyway so closed down the joint one and opened the new one. And as I say just gave me money.

There's no reason for you not to have your own bank account, even if you don't have an income or poor credit rating.

DH used to give me cash when we first got married, and the inconvenience of cash annoyed both of us (he used to forget to go to the cashpoint, I preferred to have money in my account to pay for things online and didn't want the trouble of going to a bank branch to pay it in.) We specifically didn't want a joint account or for money to be transferred into my account though (long story) but have worked it out now.

DH transfers money across monthly now and we don't have a joint account, and I'm fine with it. The amount he transfers is more money than my income was before we got together, and I never spend all of it despite being quite extravagant sometimes, so that is fine for us. I don't see it as being financially dependent on him, as we both contribute to the household, and I know if I needed more money for anything it wouldn't be a problem.

I doubt he'd want to do it if it means paying more tax he moans about how much he pays as it is!

Definitely no IVs or anything but I am careless I will admit that and I don't know much about finances either.

That's new information and it makes a big difference. If you had access to a joint account when you worked, you should have access to one now you don't work. Do you regularly monitor the balance in this new account, have the account passwords online and could you trot out the sort code and account number?

It's nice you get pocket money. Buy yourself something pretty.

Reading between the lines, op is a spender, her dh is a saver who looks after family finances. As long as you're
SpeSpending fairly and equally I reckon he has the family's interests at heart.

I say this as the tight one. All money is family money but I hold the purse strings. We both have a debit card though.

Cogitos comment brings me to what I asked re your earlier comment:-

"Maybe it's best this way, I'm not great with money and it stops me overspending".

Did he tell you that and is that also your way of sugar coating his power and control over you?. Its wrong on so many levels regardless.

So he basically closed down the joint account and opened one in his sole name thus giving you no direct access to it. That is awful behaviour on his part if that is indeed the case.

Has he also sais anything previously along these lines to you as well:-

"I’ll take care of all the bills – you don’t need a bank account".

"I earn enough for both of us, so you don’t need to work now: I’ll look after you".

I wouldn't give somebody free access to my earnings if they were not good with money. Try earning some money and perhaps you would not be so careless with it. This post has annoyed me a bit I'm afraid.

Dh has no clue on sort code, account number, any log ins, who our mortgage or any of our bills are with including his own car insurance. I agree with farmanimals if your just going to waste the money whatIis the point Iin you having It

How careless exactly have you been about cash or is this mainly him telling you that you're somewhat a spendthrift?.

Agreed Viviennemary... but the OP had access to the joint money when they were working. She may have got into more trouble than she's admitting and caused the DH sleepless nights wondering if there was anything left to pay the gas bill, we don't know... but it seems wrong on the face of it that, purely because she stopped earning, he closed the account, opened one in his sole name and is guarding the bank card.

What happens if you need to write a cheque? School swimming, after school clubs? Meals out with the girls? Window cleaners etc.
What about if you see something for the home? How do you buy clothes? Furniture, etc etc. pay pal for the odd eBay purchase ...all needs a bog standard bank account?. Mobile phone contract,

I work FT, but don't earn any where near as much as DH, so he tops up my account so we are more equally balanced. I have several accounts. OP take control, it's your life, have a bank account if you want one!

yeah fair enough. Can I just say though, I have NOT ran up huge credit card debts or anything. And for a long time I worked full time as well and I earned a reasonably good salary, not like DHs but significant.

We also don't have a mortgage on our property cause I was able to buy it outright with the money I got when my dad died, so I'm not just some spoilt princess demanding DH goes out to work while I sit and spend the money, that's not what this post is. Sorry if it's annoyed anybody. I don't see why, really, other than me not having a joint account and that was all arranged after I lost my dad and to be honest if someone had said the sky was pink I'd have gone along with it then, I was numb for ages. Then I thought I wanted to leave DH, then I got pregnant but that ended in a late miscarriage. Then we decided to try again.

You should be having full access to that account of his.

I think he took advantage of you; was this joint account closed around the time of your dad's passing?.

cogito she didn't say he closed the account because she stopped working. I think if you are bad with money then its better DH looks after it - I don't see an issue with having more money than you need...