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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is this classed as cheating?

208 replies

alix300689 · 09/04/2014 09:55

OK, here we go. Me and my partner. have been together 2 years and have an 8 myth old son together, I recently went for a holiday with my son to my mothers up north. While I was away my partner propositioned the town bike for sex 5 days in from me leaving and he got rejected but kept harassing her for days after, I came home he seemed different and I asked him if there's any explaining to do and carried on normal. He goes to work I stay at home and look after bub. We live in a small town of probably 100people mind you. I went to the shop Sunday afternoon for ice cream and movies and while there I had this woman approach me and ask to have a 'word' outside. She proceeded to tell me that my partner had drove to her property and coersed her into sex but nothing had happened, I couldn't look at her and got in my car and went home. Immediately confronted him which he denied all and he then got in the car to confront her, apparently she wasn't there. All was well and I just thought she is a delusional beeexh. Monday I got her number and rang her and she had said she seen my partner yesterday and he threatened her to not say a word because he would lose his family. He was at work so i asked this lady to send the messages to me and Iforwarded them to him, and told him he was guilty due to lying to me already about Sunday. I packed my bags and sons stuff and wasn't far off leaving. He came home and I agreed to stay on the terms we seek counselling and work thru this. I'm devastated and he has admitted it and remorseful and sorry but using the excuse that nothing happened so iys OK?? Arrrrgh

OP posts:
Logg1e · 09/04/2014 09:56

"town bike" or "bub"? I can't decide.

Jan45 · 09/04/2014 09:57

Nope, he was trying his best to cheat on you, that's definitely not nothing, that would be it for me, he's already looking to replace you or at the very least have sex on the side with whoever will have him, in fact, he's harassed this woman by the sounds of it, you sure you want to be with a man like that?

BuzzardBird · 09/04/2014 09:58

Yes, ok Hmm

CalamitouslyWrong · 09/04/2014 10:00

He sounds like an excellent catch!?

FabULouse · 09/04/2014 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BuzzardBird · 09/04/2014 10:02

"Small town of probably 100 people". That is about 30 houses in a town. [confuses]

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 09/04/2014 10:03

Tries to get women into bed and threatens them.

What a fella!!!

FatherJake · 09/04/2014 10:03

So you decide to have a kid with this bloke 7 months after starting to go out? I do wonder sometimes.

The whole situation sounds a bit like a bad Sunday evening ITV drama - town bike who hangs out in the ice cream shop etc.

Best get rid I think.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/04/2014 10:05

Cut your losses. Whether anything happened or not, it wasn't for lack of effort on his part by the sound of it. You'll never be able to leave the house without wondering what he's up to when your back is turned. You won't be happy about him going out on his own for the same reason. When someone has made it so blatantly clear (he didn't have the intelligence to be subtle about it) that they can't be trusted, if you've got any sense, you'll decide it's game over.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 09/04/2014 10:05

Bike-lovely.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

HecatePropylaea · 09/04/2014 10:08

'town bike'? Nice. And apart from anything else - she rejected him! Clearly she has higher standards than that.

And he harassed her for days? And threatened her? And attempted to 'coerce' her into sex (is coerce a nice word for tried to force her?)

If it was here on here, I'd be really strongly advising her to report him to the police.

He was not successful in being unfaithful to you but not for lack of trying. He attempted to harass a woman into sleeping with him, tried to force her to sleep with him and then threatened her and you are calling her names and find yourself unable to look at her?

She's his bloody victim for crying out loud. She's done absolutely nothing wrong and from the sounds of it had a lucky escape.

He may not have cheated on you, but he has shown himself to be the type of man who is happy to attempt to force women to have sex with him.

I am baffled as to how you can know all that and act like this poor woman is in any way at fault here.

HecatePropylaea · 09/04/2014 10:08

if it was her on here that should read

meditrina · 09/04/2014 10:08

So he'd definitely be unfaithful given the chance, and is not above using undue pressure on a non-consenting woman?

Does he have any good points?

Groovee · 09/04/2014 10:10

You should have gone when you wanted to. You deserve so much better than someone who cannot just wank and chases other women for sex while you aren't there.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/04/2014 10:11

BTW.... I think, if we're being accurate, it's your 'partner' that is the town bike... Hmm

quietlysuggests · 09/04/2014 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzardBird · 09/04/2014 10:19

I would get 'the bike' to report him to the police and get back to my homework.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/04/2014 10:24

Easter hols...

Gimmesomemore · 09/04/2014 10:27

Tell him to fuck off.

keepcalm111 · 09/04/2014 10:28

a town of 100 people? That's a hamlet!

BingoWingsBeGone · 09/04/2014 10:30

My hamlet only has 21 people #truefact

BuzzardBird · 09/04/2014 10:34

IAFST keepcalm Grin

HecatePropylaea · 09/04/2014 10:35

iafst?

StackALee · 09/04/2014 10:38

yes.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2014 10:39

He's not actually done anything. Go to the movies and get another ice cream and forget all about it.