Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2014 14:14

It's a bit ironic that you're both yelling at her to stay away from you when you were the ones that confronted her

Neither of you covered yourselves in glory did you? And you certainly lost a fair bit of dignity too I'd say.

IMHO it's never a good idea to confront the OW - no matter how tempting

handfulofcottonbuds · 26/01/2014 14:16

Oh dear. How did you feel after?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:21

I don't know. I'm glad he told her to fuck off. I can't stop replaying the confusion on her face and the 'I've not done anything's

OP posts:
Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 14:23

I was just reading your other post. You had some great advice but I could see why posters were getting frustrated with you.

This woman isn't the problem. Your partner is.

Now that you've assaulted her in full view of witnesses, you'll be lucky to escape without a visit from the cops.

Nasty way for your partner to treat the woman he was having an affair with too. And he so was.

I'm sorry he did that to you, but you're punishing the wrong person here.

She gets assaulted. You might get a police file.

He gets to live his life as if nothing's happened.

Neat.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:24

I didn't assault her?

OP posts:
YoBitch · 26/01/2014 14:25

what's your confusion about what she said/ look on her face?

Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 14:25

Yes you did.

You shoved her in the arm.

That is assault.

To add you were shouting at her, which is harassment.

handfulofcottonbuds · 26/01/2014 14:25

Hopefully that will help you move on.

If it is a case that she lives in the same town as you and you are likely to bump into her again, I wouldn't say anything. She could take it further if she wanted to if you were both shouting at her and you were prodding her in the arm, with witnesses there too. Please just be careful and look after what you need.

Your partner betrayed you, she had no loyalty to you.

tinyturtletim · 26/01/2014 14:26

Shoving her in the arm is assault.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:26

YoBitch - I'm not confused, I mean I keep replaying the confusion on HER face and how all she said was 'I've not done anything'

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 26/01/2014 14:26

X post with ton

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 26/01/2014 14:27

You were shoving her. And hate to say it, but what he said to her in front of you might not be what he is saying in private to her. (Been there, done that)

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:27

It wasn't really a shove, and doesn't it count that after we started to walk off she got up from her seat and followed us, tapping my partner on the arm?

I just poked her more than a shove

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:29

Also we were in a club so someone shouting at someone is hardly harrassment is it? I'm worried now, I was just so angry she was even there

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2014 14:30

OP you went up to her, harangued her in the street, and poked her. If I were here I would have called the police

No wonder your DP didn't want you talking to her - you might have found out some home truths about him from her. I bet he was shitting himself at what she would say

Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 14:34

No it doesn't count. She's entitled to speak to the person who set her up for this nastiness. Your husband.

Shouting at someone inferring that she is some kind of predator in your marriage is defamatory and harassing, especially in a public place. The fact it's a club doesn't matter.

Why shouldn't she be there?

handfulofcottonbuds · 26/01/2014 14:35

I don't know the backstory but she might have looked confused because your partner had still been in touch with her right up until last night.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:35

You really think she could have called the police after what she did to me?

Only the womans friend heard any of it and it was a loud club environment so no one probably paid any attention beyond at the time...with no witnesses nothing could be done with the police/me, could it?

OP posts:
str8tothepoint · 26/01/2014 14:38

Have you actually ever talked to OW before?? You only know what your DP told you??

For you to act like that shows you have not moved on and really played into her hands. Sorry but violence solves nothing and its your DP deserves the shit not OW.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:38

I don't know if she only had one person there with her, but I walked past another couple of times, the woman sat with her saw me and we made eye contact but the other woman didn't. She just sat there looking like she'd been crying

OP posts:
DingDongRabbitFromAHat · 26/01/2014 14:38

Hang on, from the other thread there was actually no indication they were even having an affair, bar some thirdhand stirring from another person.

You have not covered yourself in glory.

Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 14:39

Yes.

She didn't do anything to you.

As she was having an affair with your partner and from the look of your other post that's still going on, she might not call the cops.

But she might, especially after the way he spoke to her.

Unless he's smoothed things over with her since.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:39

Str8 - No, that's the first time I've ever seen her to speak to. I only know what she looks like after putting her name into Facebook

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 26/01/2014 14:41

I have just read the other thread. You think your husband loves this woman. You might be right, that doesn't mean she wants him enough to break up your relationship. Maybe she just enjoys the attention from him, after all it sounds like he is the one seeking her out. Leave the woman alone and deal with your partner. If at the end of the day its just a silly crush he'll get over it, if not, let him go, unless you want to play second fiddle always wondering if he thinks that he can do better.

TurnipCake · 26/01/2014 14:41

I don't think you've done yourself any favours, OP. What is your husband doing among all this?

Swipe left for the next trending thread