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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:46

I don't understand why you're analysing all this so much, despite the obvious that you're fighting mentally the realise that you have two kids with a man who is immature and dishonest at best.
It's obvious what has happened. These two had a thing, probably nothing physical but a couple of crushes, lots if fantasy and flirting. And you found out and the lass was mortified and had tried to stop it. And you're bloke has acted like a dick in the headlights.

The more you analyse it , the more you're smokescrebibg yourself.

hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:47

Apologies for ridiculous amount of typos

Chyochan · 31/01/2014 20:48

It seems to me these two are getting their jollies out of involving you in their sex life, ehuww, is all I can say to that.
Quite where you go from here I really dont know, seeing as he is actually supposed to be your partner.
All I can say is you deserve a hell of a lot better.

Chyochan · 31/01/2014 20:49

So do your and his kid btw, but he too much of a fucking baby to ever get that.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 21:00

'It seems to me these two are getting their jollies out of involving you in their sex life'

I really don't understand this? Again, I'm not one to defend her, but how does she play into the above?

OP posts:
Chyochan · 31/01/2014 21:15

Well letting you know (through your friend admittedly) about the incident when she 'accidently' showed your partner a picture of herself in underwear, and then describing how he went off for what was obviously was a wank.
if shes so good looking why does she need to get her kicks this way?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 21:21

If you read the post you'd know that he told me about this, then my friend called her to ask her her side of things...it's not as if she a) wanted to tell me off her own back to humiliate me all the more b) she knew he'd told me 'something' about it anyway...I don't see how thats getting kicks?

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 21:22

That should have also said that she was being asked about it under b) too

OP posts:
rainbowsmiles · 31/01/2014 21:51

That is one of the creepiest stories I've heard. Your partner, who also happens to be the boss of an attractive younger girl in the office, brings said girl and expensive coffee -no-one else in the office, just this younger foxy girl - as he approaches her desk he spots a phone with a picture of a girl in her lingerie and GRABS the phone, see's that the picture is of his young junior female colleague, makes sexually inappropriate comments then announces he is euphemistically off for a wank and then actually goes for a wank openly so the office knows. I am eeeughghghghg. Your partner is a sex pest. And he is 35 with 2 kids and a partner. Fuckin hell. Where and what does your partner do?? I don't believe any of it. If you believe that story then you must believe your partner is a sex pest and a bit of a beast. If I were you I'd prefer he was just a cheat.

HelloBoys · 31/01/2014 21:51

Who on earth shows someone a pic of themselves in their lingerie unless its sexual and him dashing off to the shower of course it's for a wank!

Either something has happened or will happen or idk. But the more it plays out the more she isn't Little Miss Innocent either.

For me the deal breaker would be the lying.

HelloBoys · 31/01/2014 21:54

Was she really innocently browsing lingerie pics of herself?! I know whether on phone or at work I'm v careful who sees what and if it could be seen on my phone it goes in a pocket not on show.

Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 21:54

Is it half term or something? All of these Ewwww and Yucko posts are quite surreal. This is someone's life, people. Please let her figure this out without acting like teens watching a friend french kiss for the first time!

Chyochan · 31/01/2014 21:58

'its not as if she a) wanted to tell me off her own back to humiliate me all the more'
she did'nt exactly spare you the details either did she.

What I'm saying is, if someone phoned me to ask me about the time I showed my married lover a photo of myself in undies, knowing it was on behalf of the wife and going immediately back to her, unless I was seriously trying to stick the boot in, I would deny it happened or at least omit any details like he went off for a wank.
(but then I would not be fucking someone else's partner)

if b) she did not know he had already told you about it, why was she even mentioning it? If I was her the decent thing would be to keep quiet unless she wanted to boast.

Sorry, you dont deserve any of this and this is only my opinion.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 22:02

Lion - thank you, I really appreciate your support. I'd like to have posted similar but thought it would just get more of that type of response

OP posts:
Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 22:02

As I said earlier OP, as far as you are concerned, this is about you and him. Focusing on whether she is an angel or not won't help you decide that. He has not been honest with you and has some quite odd character flaws that seem wholly inappropriate in the workplace, especially towards a junior. You just need to decide if you can have a life with this man, and if you do; would it ever really feel the same knowing what you now do about how he acts at work and how he can be when you are not there?
I'm not sure why your post has attracted such odd behaviour and swearing, etc. I think you seem to have calmed down and digested all of this info pretty well since your first post. Keep going and just look after yourself, as I said. Kids need a mummy and mummy needs to be kind to herself.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 22:05

Chyochan - again, I don't relish defending her but the more this week has sank in, the less I have against her. In my above post I said that she did know, not she didn't. As Lion said, her story checks out with his but not in a way to make him look better.

And why would she boast/lie? My friend said she sounded 100% sincere and drained, 'just like you', so although I don't feel sorry for her, I'll accept that she was lied to just like me. To me it would make no sense to lie to my friend, she's got nothing to win/lose over it, unlike my 'partner'

OP posts:
Chyochan · 31/01/2014 22:25

Sorry, I read that as she did not know he had said anything about the underwear pics, my mistake.
If you trust her, and how she sounds on the phone to your friend then, good for you. Time will tell, I think it shows you in a good light anyway.
And I think at the end of the day it will always come down to you and him and your relationship.

rainbowsmiles · 31/01/2014 22:26

Lion you are kidding right? You don't know why this is attracting these types of reactions. Did you read the bit about him grabbing a younger and more junior's phone off her desk and then on realising it is a picture of her in her undies making the situation even more grotesque by going for a wank??????? WTF. If his own partner isn't horrified by that behaviour in the context of her partner being an office sex pest quite separate to whether he's a fantasist stalker or mad shagger then well WELL it illustrates a level of denial which requires real visceral reaction rather than a gentle pat on the head muttering "there there"

HelloBoys · 31/01/2014 22:29

Why did he grab her phone?! That is so suspect and I'd be beyond mad at anyone who did this to me man or woman.

Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 22:31

Thank you, yes, I am quite aware - as is OP - of what he has done and how disgusting it it. I simply don't find the need to be harsh to OP and swear and literally type 'eeuuuuw' and other faux American teen speak to her. How is that helping her? I am not here to gawp and judge, I would actually like to help OP, whose life has suddenly become very complicated and has come on here for help. If you aren't going to do that and are simply here with popcorn pretending this is the latest episode of Eastenders I suggest you look at your own moral high ground.

HelloBoys · 31/01/2014 22:32

Oh he spotted her in lingerie. He's a perv she's a prat having that on full view as I'm sure she knows what he's like. Silly woman.

HelloBoys · 31/01/2014 22:32

Li

HelloBoys · 31/01/2014 22:33

Lion hope not directed at me.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 22:33

HB - He said it was in a 'lets see what you're looking at' type context

OP posts:
Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 22:36

If she has issue with all of this as his junior it is up to her to take it up with HR. She would have a strong case, but has certainly muddied her own waters by flirting and openly being woo'd by her boss in front of colleagues. However, she is not OP's concern, her partner is.
Please OP, just have a break from it now. I am sure more will out but I don't think you need to hear confirmations from OW now. You are being very strong and I think you should be very proud of how you are doing. You must feel a bit like a rabbit in headlights at the moment, but the clarity you have already had should only get better. I'm off for the night here, try not to over-think tonight and get some sleep.