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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
Whocansay · 26/01/2014 15:22

You assault someone with no provocation and are now looking for ways to put the blame on her? There is something very wrong with you.

Your ridiculous 'stalking' analogy also works both ways, by the way. Your DH knew she was likely to be there.

MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 15:22

x-posts, too late, the moment has gone...

Pollydon · 26/01/2014 15:23

Yes, he didn't want to make it worse by the truth coming out.
Are you all in your teens ?

Mamafratelli · 26/01/2014 15:24

No. She came after you and said that she hadn't done anything.

rainbowsmiles · 26/01/2014 15:24

Okay listen to the chorus of opinions. Your partner is a cheat. Sort your own life out. Figure out why you accept such awful treatment from a partner. Chuck him out. Get some therapy. Stop thinking about this woman.

Doha · 26/01/2014 15:25

sounds like you and your partner are well matched.
Leave this poor woman alone.
You only have your DP's side of the story-perhaps he was puling you away as he didn't want you to hear what she has to say.

MiniTheMinx · 26/01/2014 15:26

Maybe she said she hasn't done anything wrong because its him after her all along, maybe he pulled you away because he didn't want you to hear the truth and maybe he told her to fuck off because he panicked thinking she was just about to tell you the truth.

DragonMamma · 26/01/2014 15:26

I'm pretty sure I know what club you went to last night and I hate to tell you that if it was this place then everything was being recorded for a closing DVD.

MsWinnieBaygo · 26/01/2014 15:27

You say you work for the emergency services. Does your workplace offer a free counselling service? You sound like you could benefit from getting some tbh.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 15:27

I suppose deep down I know you're all right, as well as my friend, though she didn't say it so directly. My head is fried, especially having to go home to our 4 year old and 2 month old baby

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 15:28

Look, we have no idea whether or not your partner has had an affair with this woman, currently or in the past.

But if he has, HE is the one who has betrayed you, not her. All this he-said-she-said work gossip about whether or not people felt guilty or looked bad is totally irrelevant, stop blocking up your head with it.

MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 15:29

x-posts, counselling (for you individually) sounds like a good idea.

HarrietSchulenberg · 26/01/2014 15:29

From what you said in your OP, you were all in a public place and you were the one who approached her.
You were the one who started last night's unpleasantness and you were the one who assaulted her.
I seriously think it's you who needs to get a grip.
Also, to imply that your husband's position at work is more secure because he is better liked by his employers is rather dismissive of their statutory obligations regarding sexual harrassment. I wouldn't rely too heavily on his remaining in favour if this situation continues.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 15:32

Harriet - I meant more than he is much harder to replace than she is, only one person can do his job whereas anyone can do hers and she knows that. Also if she does have feelings for him, she's not going to want to get him sacked and the backlash she'd get for it...

Dragon - Are you serious? :s They wouldn't have been filming the chairs/bar though, surely?

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 26/01/2014 15:32

I expect your head is fried because you don't know if you are on your head or your arse, living with a liar effects people that way.

Have you spoken to him much since last night?

Blistory · 26/01/2014 15:33

Are you confused because her behaviour was that of an innocent person ? If she's the wronged party it may well explain her confusion and insistence on clearing things up with your partner.

His behaviour clearly suggests some wrongdoing on his part.

Either way, he's the one you live with and he's the one in the wrong regardless.

Pollydon · 26/01/2014 15:33

Take time.
Get your head straight.

KringleCandleLover · 26/01/2014 15:34

I wouldn't be scared if I were you. You acted as you saw fit at the time so you must have believed in yourself when it happened. Every action has a consequence and unless you're thick as shit then somewhere, some part of you must have known this.

I'm all for standing by your convictions be they right or wrong. Worrying won't help you, I'd try and forget the situation until such a time when anyone comes knocking.

You poked her and unless she bruises dead easy, I doubt you've marked her.

Though I am surprised that with such a responsible job, you didn't think about repercussions.

If I were you, I'd be more concerned about your partners actions. They speak louder than words. Me thinks he's not all he's cracked up to be.

DragonMamma · 26/01/2014 15:35

If it is the same place then I know they are definitely making a DVD of the night, how much they'll be filming I don't know

rach2713 · 26/01/2014 15:39

By the sounds off it your partner has more to hide then you think cuz why would he pull you away and not let you speak to her and sort it out if she had done anything wrong she wouldn't be confused your making out she has done all the wrong when in fact its your partner and yourself that has

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 15:40

Mini - only for him to repeat that he had done nothing and she won't leave him alone

Blistory - I think her playing dumb and not saying anything bar that enraged me all the more which is why I poked her away twice after she followed us. What specifically - I'm not disagreeing, just trying to arm myself as best as possible - would you say suggests he has done something wrong in his behaviour of last night?

Kringle - what again as above, do you think his actions last night suggest? Also I AM scared because the amount of nice people on here saying she should/they would call the police if they were her, maybe she thinks like that too

OP posts:
WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 15:40

you can access counselling through work even when you are on maternity leave, I suggest you make use of it - you have a new baby, there is all this going on, you could do with some independent experienced RL support right now.

KatieScarlett2833 · 26/01/2014 15:41

What feelings?
The only feelings here are your toad of a partners towards her. She shrugged him off ages ago, doesn't she now live in another country?
Imagine this AIBU
So I'm back home, out with my friends, having a nice time catching up. Then this random, screeching harpy comes over, talking a load of jumbled shite and assaults me!
Only when I notice she's with that married tosser who tried to manipulate me into becoming his OW did I begin to understand, even though I'd done nothing wrong since I knew he was taken, I live abroad FFS.
Then HE swore at me? I've no bloody idea what that was about, I've texted him but no joy.
AIBU to think she's a nutter and he's a lying cunt?

AwfulMaureen · 26/01/2014 15:43

I really doubt that the OP poking or pushing on this woman's arm could result in a charge of violence. I can't believe the hysteria over it. Of course she should not have gone and spoken to the woman but really, she poked/pushed her in the arm when the woman followed to confront...that's all. Waste of police time that would be.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 15:46

KatieScarlett - the mutual is the one who lives in another country. This woman still works with my partner

OP posts: