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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH caught masterbating

310 replies

Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:22

I know most ppl on this board are going to say this is no big deal but I walked in on my DH wanking in the shower today. Door was open I walked in to put some stuff away.

Naive maybe but we have talked about this before and he's always maintained he never does it and doesn't need to as we have sex regularly. We have been married 3 years, together 7 and have a dc aged nearly 1.

So now firstly I feel like he has been lying to me all this time. Fine if when we'd talked about it he said he'd always done it etc. but now I keep thinking back to times when he's been off taking super long in the shower....

Also, we have just come back from holiday together, if he was feeling horny why didn't he just get me, our lo was sleeping at the time.

I feel hurt.

OP posts:
BonaDrag · 29/12/2013 20:22

They all do it. All of them. Those who don't are lying.

Original poster
Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:24

And I especially feel hurt because having dc has made it harder for us to have time together but even now we usually manage 3 or 2 times a week same as before dc. So the opportunity was there today for us to be together but he chose to do that instead.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 29/12/2013 20:24

Its an entirely normal thing to do.

Have you asked him why he lied? Because to me that is the only thing I can see he has done wrong.

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 29/12/2013 20:25

Bless.

hootloop · 29/12/2013 20:25

If you feel hurt you have to tell him, but for us no big deal. We have been married 12 years he mastubates I masterbate we do it together some times.
He He sometimes tells me he needs to and sometimes sneaks a secret one as do I.

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 29/12/2013 20:25

Sometimes my DH has a wank, sometimes I do when I'm in the mood. Doesn't mean we don't have sex or whatever together. It just means he fancied having a wank, a clean one at that!

ChoudeBruxelles · 29/12/2013 20:26

He's a man. They all do it. Do you never do it?

Methe · 29/12/2013 20:26

He would be a freak if he didn't wank.

Why should any person have to declare the fact that they masterbate?

Original poster
Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:27

Yes sometimes but I have never lied that I don't

OP posts:
BunnyLebowski · 29/12/2013 20:27

Don't be so bloody daft.

You are married to him. You do not own his genitals.

Get a grip.

Tinkertaylor1 · 29/12/2013 20:27

I climbed back in to bed this morning after putting dd down for her morning nap , dh was having a lie in

I think I'd just missed him having a wank. I could smell it. Sad

ShatnersBassoon · 29/12/2013 20:28

This is so normal, I really hoped thought you were going to say it was at the dinner table or when you were watching the Queen's speech.

Leave him alone. He's lied because he thought it would upset you. He was right.

Vivacia · 29/12/2013 20:29

He would be a freak if he didn't wank

No. No he wouldn't be.

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:29

Maybe he lied because he thought you would make a big deal out of it?

But it's really not a big deal.

WarmFuzzyFuture · 29/12/2013 20:29

It's his body, he is allowed to have a wank if he wants to, he doesn't need to tell you. Xmas Confused

Some people don't want to share that side of themselves even with there OH. Perhaps your reaction is partly why he sought to keep it private.

You are having sex regularly, do you feel that you are being neglected sexually if he decides to masturbate rather than have sex with you?

Methe · 29/12/2013 20:29

What makes you think you have a right to know?

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:30

Now Wanking over the queens speech would make him a freak Grin

NachoAddict · 29/12/2013 20:30

I can see why you are hurt about him choosing to self service over spending time with you and if it was a regular thing I would agree you have a problem. However if you have a good sex life then I wouldn't worry about it.

Sometimes you want a quick release without worrying about pleasing someone else and sometimes the opportunity just comes up.

Masturbation is natural and I can't see a problem with it. Its nit a reflection of his desire for you.

dyslexicdespot · 29/12/2013 20:30

Wow, it is normal and healthy for adults (male and female) masturbate.

Methe · 29/12/2013 20:31

Vivacia, has your husband told you he doesn't wank too?

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 20:31

Hurt?that mastrubates?im suprised youre surprised.they all do it

Original poster
Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:31

Do get me wrong. I know it is normal.

The hurt is more prevalent I guess because I was home and available at the time. We have busy lives I would understand if I wasn't there but I thought or hoped he'd want to make most of time with me while we are together and one of us not working etc

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:32

Why didn't you get in the shower with him?

Original poster
Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:32

I was too shocked LOL

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 20:32

The mood took him he bashed one out,it's not a reflection or rejection of your marriage