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Relationships

Hand holding ? He's leaving... Again...

212 replies

Catwoman12 · 31/08/2013 10:39

NC as I know a few people in RL on here, I don't yet want to discuss this situation with them...

DP just home from his holidays, 2 days ago, he seemed distant, I asked him why, he says he loves me but isn't happy, que me having a melt down and a massive panic attack... This then lead him to tell me we will discuss it tomorrow in fear I will lose control again.

Now I've been up since 6am, unable to grasp the current situation, trying to entertain my DC, while he is STILL sleeping.

I'm pregnant, due in over a month, and can't seem to deal with knowing I will be a single parent again, this is his first DC and I feel he feels trapped, responsibilities have gotten too much for him? Now I'm waiting on him to wake up, no doubt to start packing and leave me for good...

How am I going to cope? I emotionally don't think I can, the thought of single parent life again with a baby in toll freaks me out, I'm scared, labour myself, Christmas myself, night feeds myself, emotional stress with no one to hand hold, god I don't want him to go. How can we make this bbetter? Did he have that much of a good holiday that he has realised that is the life he would rather have

Please give me some advice, what do I say when he wakes up? (Worried he will flip if I try address the situation as soon as he gets up, and then make it worse) how do I deal with this? Can we make it work? He is holding all the cards and I can't deal with it

Help, lovely mnetters xx

OP posts:

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Bogeyface · 02/09/2013 23:42

The tradition goes back to when women and children were considered as the property of the man of the family. Even a widow could lose her children to the head of her husbands family.

They were given the male heads name in order to identify them as part of him and his possessions. A woman could not represent herself in court, own property (except by a trust that would pass to her eldest son) or get into debt.

When Charles Dickens left his long suffering wife for his mistress, he took their children with him and allowed very very limited visiting rights. This wasnt considered in any way morally wrong either for the children or the mother. It was right and proper because as a man he was far better placed to ensure their physical and spiritual well being than a weak and morally corrupt woman (it was a woman who offered the apple to Adam, after all).

Bearing all that in mind, give him your name whatever name you damn well want.

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Enb76 · 03/09/2013 07:49

I gave my child her father's last name because my last name is not important to me. I am fully confident that she is part of my family, she came from me and I am not insecure about where she belongs. It has however given his family a definite link to her, she has their name. Her father's family, while not my cup of tea, have also been brilliant. It's hard for the non-resident parent and frankly whatever makes it easier I will do.

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MrsMinkBernardLundy · 03/09/2013 09:22

If he is going to be there for your child that is a good thing. You will still be you doing the majority of it but I am glad he is going to pull some of the weight both emotionally and financially.

please don't feel judged OP because he left you. It still says far more about him than you that he would leave you at this point having been on his fecking holidays got you pg in the first place. He is obviously not ready for grown up relationships.

If it is not to be it is not to be. What is for you will not go by you
Good luck with your imminent arrival.

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mammadiggingdeep · 03/09/2013 10:14

Enb....I feel the same about my dd's having their fathers name. I'm from a very close, very loving family. They don't need to share that family name to know they're part of the team. I have my dads name (ok, so parents are married) but I just see it as they have their dads...us no longer being together doesn't affect how I see it.

Op....hope you're ok today and looking after yourself. It is no reflection on you that you find yourself in this situation. You seem so strong and dignified....it's good that he is saying he will be involved with the baby. In many ways perhaps its better that he did this now rather than when baby was few months old. At least you can get over tje shock and once baby's here focus on him and not lose any of those precious early times dealing with your ex.
I know it's not easy but hang in there, you're doing brilliantly xx

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Catwoman12 · 03/09/2013 12:11

Thank you for your kind words mamma,

I feel like there is some void in my life and I await for the initial pain to go, tough times don't last, tough people do, just need to keep reminding myself that. He will be coming this evening for the rest of his things, then once he's gone, he's gone...

When I do finally move on and get over it, and meet someone else, I will make sure when I see I red flag, I don't brush it off, and I act on it, all those tiny red flags that popped up in the beginning all seem so clear now, and I should have known better...

X

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mammadiggingdeep · 03/09/2013 13:31

Yes....telling myself the same thing with regards to red flags . Only this morning I was having a go at myself for ignoring those red flags and getting myself in this situation.....but then I turned it around and thought, well at least I'm out of this situation. I asked him to leave and haven't let him back so at least I've put it right. Same with you....you're it begging and pleading you're already being practical and looking to tje future.
A very dear friend once told me "making a mistake doesn't make you fool....but to know you've made one and not put it right, that makes you a fool"......xxxxx

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mammadiggingdeep · 03/09/2013 13:32

not begging and pleading...

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Catwoman12 · 03/09/2013 19:22

I hear you mamma, couldnt agree more.

he came for his things, we spoke, he was kind but firm and I guess that's what I need, he's not mucking me about, or telling me what I want to hear, so I suppose he is being decent in that sense, he has set up a direct debit and I hope he sticks to his word, to be there if and when needed, so hard to see him go, and it makes it hard because he is being so nice about it all, he's making it hard for me to hate him, he said "please can I still be at the birth, I really want to be there and support you through it" tbh if things stay on good terms I won't deny him that, baby will also have his surname, I will pick his first name, myself.

So, tomorrow will be Day 1 of the start to my new life, single, it's daunting, but I will soldier through!!

I am going to continue writing on here, it gives me somewhere to express my true feelings, and I think it will be good to look back on in time, once I have moved on appropriately, thank you all for your support and experience!!

XX