Hand holding ? He's leaving... Again...

[Catwoman12]

NC as I know a few people in RL on here, I don't yet want to discuss this situation with them...

DP just home from his holidays, 2 days ago, he seemed distant, I asked him why, he says he loves me but isn't happy, que me having a melt down and a massive panic attack... This then lead him to tell me we will discuss it tomorrow in fear I will lose control again.

Now I've been up since 6am, unable to grasp the current situation, trying to entertain my DC, while he is STILL sleeping.

I'm pregnant, due in over a month, and can't seem to deal with knowing I will be a single parent again, this is his first DC and I feel he feels trapped, responsibilities have gotten too much for him? Now I'm waiting on him to wake up, no doubt to start packing and leave me for good...


How am I going to cope? I emotionally don't think I can, the thought of single parent life again with a baby in toll freaks me out, I'm scared, labour myself, Christmas myself, night feeds myself, emotional stress with no one to hand hold, god I don't want him to go. How can we make this bbetter? Did he have that much of a good holiday that he has realised that is the life he would rather have

Please give me some advice, what do I say when he wakes up? (Worried he will flip if I try address the situation as soon as he gets up, and then make it worse) how do I deal with this? Can we make it work? He is holding all the cards and I can't deal with it

Help, lovely mnetters xx

[MissMarplesBloomers]

You are worth 10 times that manipulative bit of shit, you WILL survive , you WILL cope, not saying it won't be difficult but you deserve better & IMHO being on your own but not at his emotional beck & call would be much better for your mental well being.

Remember Eleanor Roosevelts wise words

?A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.?

AND
?No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.?


It's a bloody terrible time for you, but HE needs to start thinking about his family or get out.

Wake him up and get him to pack his bags.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Stop blaming yourself....please......even if you are crumbling you need to appear strong in front of him. Dignity is your friend. Get you and dc sorted and head out for the day......find a friend who'll spend the day with u (preferably looking after you)...or just go somewhere you can try to relax, park or whatever.
Dont ask him to stay.....let him go if he wants to......there is nothing wrong with you, apart from you've chosen a dick as a partner.......he is a shit and you deserve far far better

[Catwoman12]

Update, so I've just woke him up, I can't handle the not knowing, he is annoyed I have done this, I said "what's happened, did you have a taste of single life and enjoy it? Reality is you have a family and responsibilities" he replied "yes too much responsibilities" me "can this work" "no"

[harverina]

Catwoman I don't know any decent man who would drop a bombshell like this to a pregnant women so close to her due date. I do not believe in staying together for the sake of children, but for him to say this to you now is appalling.

Don't beg him to stay, let him go if this is what he wants. Begging him won't make your relationship any stronger, even if he stays now the uncertainty of the situation will only make you feel worse. You can't live life walking on egg shells.

Hope you are ok and you have someone in rl to give you support - don't be afraid to tell friends and family, you have done nothing wrong.

[peggyundercrackers]

catwoman he sounds like a shit - I understand why you don't want a life on your own with a baby as a reminder all the time. I don't understand any person who walks out a relationship and leaves their kids behind and blames it on too much responsibility - its utter hogwash.

[LillyGoLightly]

I am so sorry you are going though this

A few other posters have said that if he really wants to go, you must let him go (I know this is sooo hard especially with a baby due soon) because you will only be delaying the inevitable...Much better to just rip the plaster off and let him get on with it, so that you can make a start of focusing on yourself and your little ones.

If this is his first child then yes I think you may be right that he is panicking and feeling trapped by the responsibilities that are going to come with fatherhood and being a supportive partner. When I was pregnant with my first DD my partner went off the rails, didn't come home, was argumentative, when he was home never came to bed, stayed up on PC instead...and eventually he cheated!! All this in the name of panic!!! It hurt beyond words, especially being pregnant and like you I felt like I had failed, and I felt immense guilt that my poor baby was going to be born into this mess with a father who was having second thoughts about being a Dad! It truly was one of the most if not the most shocking times of my life, he did/said things I never imagined he could do/say, but you know what I did things I never imagined I could do either....I got through it, I stayed strong...I didn't feel it at the time, but looking back I was strong, I still managed to bring my baby into the world and care for her. You will do the same and you will also get through this, you are NOT a failure, you ARE stronger than you think or give yourself credit for, none of this is your fault!

I know you fear ending up as a single Mum again, but if that ends up being the case then you were too much woman for him, and he was NOT MAN enough for you!! It is you that deserves better...YOU deserve better than him!

[Catwoman12]

No question about it, he's leaving he says. This won't work and he needs out. He can't go on, unhappy.

I wish I could change this, god life is so tough

Can't stop crying, my heart is broken

[Ebayaholic]

I'm so sorry for you. The worst thing you can do now is weep and wail in front of him however much you want to- the sooner you start acting like you agree it's a good idea as its better for you, the sooner he will start to question his decision. Falling apart in front of him will just delay this process. I know it's hard but please, fake it until you make it. I am thinking of you.

[iloveweetos]

I agree with anyfucker.
Pack his bag and tell him to go. It's sad but you need to put yourself in charge

[FannyMcNally]

"If you're going, go now. Lucky you, I don't have that option. I'll be in touch when the baby's born and hopefully we can sort out the maintenance payments and access amicably". Then walk away with your head held high. Don't let him be in charge, he doesn't deserve you please try and understand that. On no account cry and plead in front of him. Thinking of you x

[Catwoman12]

He's sitting on the edge of the bed, I ask " what now" he says "don't know I've never left someone before" god, today is going to be the hardest day of my life...

Think il go look out the suitcases

[littlebunnyfriend]

He's a vile, vile man.

One day, when your self esteem is a bit better, you will see how much more you deserve.

He'll regret it, believe me. He's going to have a horrible life, with that kind of attitude. He'll soon get a bit older, nobody will want to shag him anymore and then he'll be really, really alone, as even his DCs will think he's a dick. You'll have a beautiful family, one day a new partner and he'll have nothing.

Have you slept with him since he got back? Perhaps mention to your midwife as they may want to do an STD check (not sure what things can be passed on vaginally to baby during birth).

Thinking of you - please believe that you deserve better, because he just makes me sick.

[Chubfuddler]

I am very sorry for your pain but honestly, someone who can let you down like this is not a life partner worth having.

[Chubfuddler]

And when he comes crawling back in a few weeks even though you may want him back say no because given the opportunity he will do this again and again and again

[AnyFucker]

Please, OP, hold onto your dignity. Do not beg him, and do not allow him to drag this out over the next few hours.

I expect he wants his brunch cooked before he goes, yeah ? Asks you to find his clean undies and suitcases ?

Love, get your kids and go out. Tell him you expect his sorry arse, and everything that belongs to him, to be gone when you get back

Seriously. The more you cry and make it clear you want to keep him at any price, the more he will despise you.

[Xenadog]

Whatever you do, OP make sure you have either a friend or family member with you; don't be alone at this time. You need support. As for this vile man - let him go. He is a cowardly piece of shit and in time you will see this but for now you need to let him go and maintain as much dignity as you can.

You WILL cope alone, you WILL be fine, it WILL be difficult but you WILL be happy without this loser in your life. x

[Chubfuddler]

You're eight months pregnant. He can find his own suitcases.

Cunt.

[mammadiggingdeep]

I repeat......dignity is your friend.
Don't be there to watch him go. Get your dc and go out.

[ladymariner]

I don't usually post on these sort of threads but oh op, my Hirt goes out to you, you poor thing, you don't deserve any of the shit this pathetic excuse of a man is throwing at you and one day you will look back and realise this and treat him with the contempt he deserves.

For today I echo the sentiments of so many others on here....do not lose your dignity here. Gather your kids, handbag, phone, money and leave him to it, go to a RL friend/family and let it all out. It will be horrendous coming back to find him gone but we are here to help you through it, but even more horrendous would be trying to make things work with somebody as weak as him who doesn't deserve you and your love. Xxxx

[ladymariner]

Hirt??? heart x

[LJL69]

Exactly what AnyFucker says. I feel for you so much but short term strength is key I think. Tell him you are off out and when you get back he better not be there. Head high then go round to someone in RL you trust and then you can let go of that strength. Look after YOU and your needs...not his xxx

[skyeskyeskye]

What AF says above - go out and ask him to be gone by the time you get back.

This man is a total bastard to walk out on a woman who is 8 months pregnant with his child, a planned for child presumably. Your main concern now is to look after yourself, your baby and your DC.

Then when you have got yourself together, ring the WTC and put in a claim as a single person, ending your joint claim (assuming you have one).

When the baby is born, make sure that you contact the CSA regarding maintenance, as you cannot trust him to pay you.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

[Catwoman12]

Hi, thank you all so much, your kind words are so heart warming at this horrible time, he seems to be talking the talk but not walking the walk, I got my things together and am now watching DC play at the park, fighting off the tears, I'm going to visit my grandmother after, have dinner with her, not sure if he will be in when I get home, I am starting to become angry... I will soon resent him I guess...

God life can be a bitch eh, I must have been evil in my past life?

Again thank you ladies... Xx

[Catwoman12]

He also said when I had the panic attack last night, I seemed somewhat unhinged and it's not "normal" and he feels slightly worried what may happen if He does leave... I made a sark comment about how I am now needing severe medical attention, as i am clearly mentally incapable without him etc he seemed miffed. God I wish I was able to control that attack, no doubt it will be used against me somewhat