Hand holding ? He's leaving... Again...

[Catwoman12]

NC as I know a few people in RL on here, I don't yet want to discuss this situation with them...

DP just home from his holidays, 2 days ago, he seemed distant, I asked him why, he says he loves me but isn't happy, que me having a melt down and a massive panic attack... This then lead him to tell me we will discuss it tomorrow in fear I will lose control again.

Now I've been up since 6am, unable to grasp the current situation, trying to entertain my DC, while he is STILL sleeping.

I'm pregnant, due in over a month, and can't seem to deal with knowing I will be a single parent again, this is his first DC and I feel he feels trapped, responsibilities have gotten too much for him? Now I'm waiting on him to wake up, no doubt to start packing and leave me for good...


How am I going to cope? I emotionally don't think I can, the thought of single parent life again with a baby in toll freaks me out, I'm scared, labour myself, Christmas myself, night feeds myself, emotional stress with no one to hand hold, god I don't want him to go. How can we make this bbetter? Did he have that much of a good holiday that he has realised that is the life he would rather have

Please give me some advice, what do I say when he wakes up? (Worried he will flip if I try address the situation as soon as he gets up, and then make it worse) how do I deal with this? Can we make it work? He is holding all the cards and I can't deal with it

Help, lovely mnetters xx

[Lioninthesun]

Oh and the 'oooh you had a mental reaction there' is a typical stance of a man who has already decided to leave and is too much of a wimp to simply admit it; they have to blame you to make them feel better about their decision. Of course you were upset, it would be much more worrying if you hadn't been!

[comingintomyown]

Well your self esteem is better than you thought

At 8 months pregnant it would have been easy to latch onto his dithering and saying he wants to fix things but you didnt you made him follow through and leave.

This shows strength and I think once the awfulness of this subsides a little you and your new baby will be just fine.

As everyone has said any man that can behave like this at a time like this is one you are well rid of

In your OP you said you didnt want to tell people but now I think you should and start building support for yourself

[AnyFucker]

Well done, OP. You have shown strength here. When he comes back with his tail between his legs (he will) make sure you tell him you have moved on and are no longer his FallBack Girl.

[Catwoman12]

Lion- yes I think he felt so guilty about what he has done to me, it made him feel better about doing it by putting the blame on me... I hurts so much to know I didn't make him happy, I wish I could have,


One day at a time... It will be sad going to bed alone every night, and waking up myself, but I will get through it, somehow, I'm just scared. I just want to be happy...

His mother will welcome him back with open arms, she's not a bad person but she cried when he moved out

[Lioninthesun]

You may feel like you want to make him happy now, but the way I see it ( admittedly after 2 years!) even Michelle Pfieffer couldn't have kept a man like these - for them the grass is always greener, they will never be ready for commitment on this level, no matter who with. The only thing you can hope for is a small amount of an increase maturity after baby is born, but even then I don't know if it makes much of a difference. These aren't like most men, they are the exception. You are better off waiting for a man who is able to be a man, not a boy in disguise wanting a mummy figure to focus solely on him. My ex was remarkably selfish, I think that is the first thing to be aware of - his DM will pander to this which is secretly what he wants from everyone; a baby takes that attention away from him.

[Catwoman12]

I hope he doesn't try and get back with me, or give me any hope, I feel too vulnerable for it and I may possibly be swayed, the best he can do, even though I wish it was different, is stay away, and let me deal with it... God this is going to be an up hill struggle.

I have told my DM and Dsis, and will obviously have to start telling my friends, I'm embarrassed, how many times can this happen to one person?

Thank you all again, It makes me feel better putting how I feel in writing,

[doingmyhead]

I am so sorry for you OP, you are so vulnerable, he has awful selfish timing.

As for his mother, she is also a disgrace! If he was my son, I would not be letting home come home and treating him like a king! He does not deserve to be treated like that. I would be saying, you made the child, you go and raise the child. Not saying that every marriage works, but the excuse that it is too much responsibility it absolutely pathetic. Too much responsibility when he has you by his side, but fine to leave you to have all the responsibility alone.

You will survive, you will be happy and he will always carry the shame of leaving you at this time.

And hugs

Xxx

[MadBusLady]

Well, you say you feel vulnerable... but you've demonstrated some pretty impressive strength of character over the last couple of days. Like I said, the self-esteem thing is about acting in a way that's good for you, choosing the path that you know is better - not necessarily walking around feeling like you're invincible. You can do the choosing the right path thing and still feel like a complete mess when you're doing it. That's ok. That's being human.

And the embarrassment is all his.

[AnyFucker]

I have a son. If he ever acts like this, I would tear him a new one and certainly not welcome him back with open arms.

[mammadiggingdeep]

So many women allow their sons to get away with shite behaviour....friend of mines partner goes back to hid mummy after police involvement for dv.....that was my son I'd ask the cops to throw away the key.

Op.....you're doing brilliantly....that little baby in there is lucky to have you as it's mummy. Your strength and dignity are admirable.

[doingmyhead]

Too bloody true any fucker! I have two sons, no way would I act like that mother. I remember my brother arriving on the doorstep one evening, having had a tiff with his wife. My father told him to go home, grow up and sort his marriage out. Needless to say that situation never arose again.

xx

[Vivacia]

Sons have fathers too! (Sorry, I get annoyed at women being blamed for the behaviour of men).

[doingmyhead]

Who is blaming the mother? I have only said she is acting disgracefully, which I think she is! I didn't say it was her fault. It's the OPs partner to blame, but the mother should not condone his behaviour by welcoming him like a king.

[doingmyhead]

Who is blaming the mother? I have only said she is acting disgracefully, which I think she is! I didn't say it was her fault. It's the OPs partner to blame, but the mother should not condone his behaviour by welcoming him like a king.

[AnyFucker]

Well, Viv, we were giving our opinions based on what the OP said about her exP's mother

So let's keep it on topic, eh

[AnyFucker]

and FWIW, my husband would do the exact same thing to our son too if he ever behaved like this

[mammadiggingdeep]

Eh?? I'd say the same thing if the op had said he was going to his dads. Didn't mean to rattle your cage!

[Catwoman12]

Thanks ladies, his mother would welcome him home with open arms, his dad wouldn't say anything, they will comfort him, make him dinner, wash his clothes, give him what he wants, he is spoilt, which was always half the problem...

I have the urge to contact him, I don't have anything to say though, just hard realising the man I've had in my life for so long will no longer be there, I will have to have will power and keep the urge at bay...

[doingmyhead]

Stay strong OP, don't contact him, in the long run it will be better.

Have a nice warm bath, early night and rest, rest, rest.

xx

[AnyFucker]

Keep talking to us instead

[Lioninthesun]

Yes, loose yourself on MN if you can - I seem to while away hours

[Lioninthesun]

Alternatively sign up to Lovefilm or similar and watch Prison Break and other series in quick succession. That gem has kept me from doing even moderate housework when DD is in bed!

[MrsMinkBernardLundy]

Op so sorry you are going through this. you are dealing with it better than I would.
Don't bet on his mum being that impressed with his antics.she will be missing out on his first born and as a mother she knows how hard having a baby is. doubt she will respect him much for being such a wuss.

Practical things- have you got someone who can be there for you fir the birth? Who will look after the dcs? Can you get a doula? Can a relative come and stay with you?

If you get some support in place to minimise your stress it will help.and i am sure when your friend/family hear what has happened they will be falling over themselves to support you.

Wishing you courage and strength.
You will grow stronger for this. your little family will be a team.

He will always have to look back on this as the time he was tested and found sorely wanting. What an enormous disappointment he is. a weak and useless excuse for a parent.

[Vivacia]

Didn't mean to rattle your cage!

No problem mamma as I said, it really is a stick which rattles my cage at the moment!

[Vivacia]

I have the urge to contact him,

In similar situations I used to write emails and texts and then not send them (really important to actually delete his number from your phone - write it down somewhere). I am one of those people who wants to do things even more once I'm told I can't though!