What is the ettiquete regarding who pays of a first date?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just went on a nice date. No major fireworks but he was sweet and with a good, intelligent sense of humour! I have come feeling good apart from the fact that I payed for my own, coffee, cake and entrance to a tourist attraction. Is that ok in this day and age although I like the thought of being romanced....(spoilt princess emoticon).

It's a first date, you should both just pay your own way.

Not fair for the man to have to foot the bill!

Yes, of course it is ok.

Really? I always go halves / pay for myself on a first date. Hate the feeling of "owing" something. I wouldn't expect/want to be "romanced" on a first date either - he's still practically a stranger! If I were you I'd be basking in the niceness of having had a nice date!

I've always paid half infact on my first date with dh I paid the lot as he forgot his wallet!

How long have you known him, and how well do you know him?

If not well/just met, then imo, you both pay your own way.

I'm one for paying halves but I know if I didn't want to see the bloke again I'd insist on it.

I have asked a lot of men about this (men from work or friends) and they have all said if they really liked the woman and wanted to see her again, they would pay.

It's a difficult one.

I think it sort of depends on the type of date. If it is a first meet from an internet dating site I think it sounds fair to split the bill.

If it is a date where you have known the man a while and he has randomly asked you out I think it is nice if he then pays as he invited you. If that makes sense?

female expecting a male to pay is antiquated
I certainly wouldn't want or expect man to pay.no way
if I couldn't go halves I wouldn't go

DH paid for "everything" on our first date but to be fair we only went out for some drinks and shared some olives and nuts!

I think if we went somewhere and did something that cost more money I would've offered to pay my half.

It is outdated to expect the man to pay. You should pay halves.

At the same time, I wouldn't want to go on a date where the bloke was expecting me to pay for everything. It's nothing to do with money; I'd feel like I was his mum!

Only ever gone halves, why on earth would you expect a man to pay.

"Being paid for" does not equal "being romanced"

That's a weirdly materialistic view.

"...I have come feeling good apart from the fact that I payed for my own, coffee, cake and entrance to a tourist attraction..."

You poor thing. I can't believe he had the audacity to make you spend your own money on yourself ...

If he had offered, that would have been nice and kind of him. Just as it would have been kind if you had offered to pay.

Other than that, best to go halves, I think.

Halvsies

That's put my mind at rest thank you. I guess my ex paid for everything at first....then I ended up paying for everything.

This way is better.

romanced!it sounds all very frank butcher,I like to romance the little lady
my pwincess she is a laydee
and you get your bat king coke with laydees by saying for everyfink

you go halves. Feminism and equal rights work both ways.

you make sure you are going somewhere that you can both afford.

Its pretty old fashioned to object to paying half on the first date, in fact I prefer it. I'm a person, not a princess, and I want to be treated as an equal, not a golddigger in the making. A first date is getting to know you, then the man might invite you somewhere more expensive or something, and offer to pay.

As a man who has been though the internet dating mill process I'm all for each paying their own way, at least initially and before -if- it goes somewhere. I grew up in an environment and country where women were very self-consciously equal and feminist and would have otherwise thought it patronising or an attempt to set up a obligation situation for the man to have paid. I have found in my recent experiences though that women usually expected me to pay. One basic objection I have to this is that I am not wealthy, I pay maintenance for my children and the women I met were my social and professional equals and on a like financial footing. I felt I was being taken advantage of if the first meeting was a restaurant or similar which blew my budget for an experience which neither might not want to repeat. The best first meet is a coffee shop or similar, for all sorts of reasons -it can be as short or as long as the mood takes both of you, and the financial damage is low if each meets his/her own bill.

See I've just come home from a first date where I didn't pay for anything and I feel a bit bad. I did offer, but he got the coffees and then the meal we went for. I did double check but he insisted. Worried he thinks I'm a scrounger now!