What is the ettiquete regarding who pays of a first date?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just went on a nice date. No major fireworks but he was sweet and with a good, intelligent sense of humour! I have come feeling good apart from the fact that I payed for my own, coffee, cake and entrance to a tourist attraction. Is that ok in this day and age although I like the thought of being romanced....(spoilt princess emoticon).

Agree with DonutForMyself

It's surprising for me to see these responses. I guess I'm a little out of date. If a man invites me out to dinner or coffee, I prefer if he pays. I went halves with a new date to a music concert. We had a good time. Then he said he'd like to see me again for lunch a few days later. It was his invitation, but when the bill came, he divided it up and told me what to pay. It really killed things for me. I thought he was treating me to lunch. Meanwhile, he told me what a great job he thought I was doing as a single parent. I don't see him anymore.

I don't consider a man paying for me chivalrous.
its antiquated and I wouldn't want it
man can get a huffy as he wants,I'd assume him a dinosaur

Paying for you is an opportunity for a man to show you that he is generous and caring.

Artandtravel, what was the problem with him telling you you were doing a good job as a single parent?

I'm staggered in this day and age to see people talking about date 'ettiquette'. I would never expect to get a free meal out of someone just because they asked me out and I wouldn't be interested in a man who was offended by me wanting to pay my share.

Surely you go halves these days? (long time since I dated anyone)

artandtravel are you generally for sale or do you think he should 'treat' you because you're a single parent? Either is abhorrent.

If a man insisted on paying on a first date I would give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was just trying to be chivalrous. If it happened again on the second date that would be the end of it for me.

good,that what he'd get measure of you too
asone who thinks their entitled to a free lunch
leaves you free to seek out men who think women need bough things

Don't you ever pay for someone's meal, scottishmummy? Or are kindness and generosity not features of your life?

oh I guess I just a husk of a woman,life bereft of colour
as I haven't a date to buy me dinner or treat me like a pwincess
are you saying I'll never feel the the warmth of sun on my face,or kindness or generosity

boofuckinhoo

bonsoir its1 not the paying, it's not the offering/refusing, it's the expectation that you will be paid for or 'treated', and even not seeing someone again because you're expected to pay your own way that is either scrounging or selling yourself.

To be honest, if some chap wanted to treat me to dinner or drinks, I'd think he was lovely. But I'd also be very aware that it was my turn next time and would be more than happy to pay.
Now to find a decent single chap in his 30s...

donutformyself interesting that you quote your DP's opinion at length before your own. And not a coincidence that you think men should buy women. Oops I mean buy women dinner.

Your DP thinks that a woman who wanted to pay her own way would be 'argumentative' and therefore he wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with her. Does it not worry you that he is so repulsed by an independent woman who has her own opinions and retains her independence? ...er no. I guess it wouldn't.

If I went on a date with a man and he didn't at least offer to pay for the meal there wouldn't be a second date. But I am unashamedly a princess....

in that case maybe you'll meet a nice real man who'll treat his pwincess

you'll measure your worth by what he buys you
he'll regard himself kind and generous that he splashed the cash

ashoething no, you're not a princess, women that have to be bought have a totally different title. And it's also sad when so called grown women use the word 'princess' to describe themselves.

@ CVSFootPowder

"I'm currently dating my exDH."

Expand on this a bit please?? nosy emoticon

@ futterby

"I was once seeing a guy who wouldn't let me pay for anything, ever. I felt like he was trying to own me, it was awful."

Agree, total pain.

Years ago I used to be a holiday rep. There was a legend among us of a rep who had a couple of real pain in the arse guests who wanted endless stuff done for them because "we've paid for service from you you know". Eventually, so the story goes, she said to them "do you know how much I am being paid to serve you? 50p." - reaches for geldtasche, takes out 50p and says "I'm refunding you, here's your money back, now fuck off". this is what I would love love love to do....

my bloke pointed out fairly early on that he makes about 4x what I do so we split everything that way. we went to Abu Dhabi in April and he put in £1200 and I put in £400. He insists this is fine because he only likes doing things with me and I might not come if he made me spend at the rate he does.

on a first date I dunno. our first "date" was at his so he did the food, then next time we went for a local cheapie so I paid because I asked him, but he then provided the drinks back at his. I provided the condoms....

I kind of think if the money doesn't resolve itself you are on / with the wrong date.

Im having my first date in 5weeks with a man who lives 250 miles away, so i'll be paying for myself on this date.

lol,did the tiara slip of the royal head

Surely the point of a treat is you don't expect it and sit there refusing to get your purse out?

Oh well, I suppose this is just a giant sorting hat. The princesses can couple themselves up with the old fashion men and leave the rest of us to it.

Also, always makes me laugh when people say "he's not a misogynist, he's just old fashioned". Err yeah, because misogny is such a modern thing?

scottishmummy Are you always so condescending and confrontational?

Hotcross

Yep, she is