What is the ettiquete regarding who pays of a first date?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just went on a nice date. No major fireworks but he was sweet and with a good, intelligent sense of humour! I have come feeling good apart from the fact that I payed for my own, coffee, cake and entrance to a tourist attraction. Is that ok in this day and age although I like the thought of being romanced....(spoilt princess emoticon).

Hmm. I've never done online dating and I can see how that's a bit different, but tbh all the men I've ever went on first dates with insisted very strongly on paying (and they were just regular, nice guys, not some chauvinistic and/or filthy rich wankers bent on showing off or securing your favours or whatever). I think if you know a guy a bit and he then asks you out to dinner, it's nice of him to want to pay (even though of course you can decline).

I always, always paid half. Certainly offer to do so, even if declined.

The worst first date I ever had was with a bloke who insisted we went to a Michelin starred restaurant. I had suggested the local pub but he was adament. When we got there he insisted on champagne. I'd asked for a G and T. He made a bug fuss about ordering three courses off the chef's menu.

When the bill came out I proffered my VISA card in the usual fashion -expecting to be batted back.

He accepted my insincere polite offering without batting an eyelid.

He knew I was a struggling single mum in a low paid profession.

Needless to say, I never saw him again

You paid for the whole thing, cat?

I think if you want to be treated as equal you should act it.

On our first date DH paid for lunch and the cinema, he insisted. I paid for dinner, my insistence.

I always used to pay halves on first dates in case I didn't want to see them again (usual) and so didn't feel obligated to go out again. I think getting men to pay every time when you rarely go on a second date is pretty cheeky. However, on a second date, it's nice for someone to offer to pay for you/take turns and this can then be a good way to keep going!

I would expect the person who did the inviting to pay for the tourist attraction. Once in, I'd pay for tea and cake.

Well my 16 year daughter went on her first date last night and the boy paid for Nandos and the cinema! She did offer to go halfs but he insisted, I thought that was sweet.

I used to give my son the money to pay for both, Fairy, but give my daughter the money to pay for herself so that nothing would be expected of her - it's expensive when they start dating!

My boyfriend and I just take turns paying. I'll pay one month, he'll pay the next etc. Although, he likes to be the "man" so to speak so whenever I'm paying I give him the money to hand over :P

It's perfectly acceptable for you to pay your own way. I was once seeing a guy who wouldn't let me pay for anything, ever. I felt like he was trying to own me, it was awful.

Going against the grain here - I think the man ought to pay for the first few dates. After that you can go dutch or treat him.

why ought a man pay?given women have own monies,why ought man pay
such things are usually etiquette .etiquette is strangled to do's list borne from habit
manners is considering someone else.its good manners to go halves

When I was single, I would offer to go halves but wouldn't force the issue if the man offered. I would only have insisted if I wasn't enjoying his company and didn't want to see him again on a romantic level.

Of course, this was before internet dating existed.

If one has asked the other out then they should expect to pay
If its a mutual thing like Internet dating then each pay their own

do some of you carry pomanders and expect your date provide an umbrella in case it rain

It's staggering and depressing that this gets asked. How in 2013 can anyone think men should pay to date. There is another term for paying a woman by the hour

Whoever extends the invitation should pay. You then choose the activity you can afford.

Well it is about a trillion years since I last dated but I prefer to go halves for the first few dates and then take it in turns.

woman expecting man to pay on date is graspy and entitled
it's v well widdle pwincess is deigning to go out with man,he pays its using illusion of etiquette to blag a free dinner

I would expect the man to pay, it's so unromantic going dutch. Then on the second date, etc i would go halves. But first date, the guy should pay. I've been OD for a while and so have my friends and we all are of the same opinion; guy pays the first date. V off putting if he accepts my offer to pay on the first date (and i always do). It's not about 'grasping' or being a gold digger!! It's about romanticism and to me I find it just so unromantic going halves on the first date. Unless I've asked him on the date, then I should pay, but invariably, he has been the instigator. It' s possible to be independent and modern thinking, and be romantic, I hate all the 'equality' nonsense when it comes to relationships, sometimes a man likes to provide, it all comes down to being a hunter gatherer!

When I met DH I bought a drink before he arrive, he paid for food (chain pub) then I bought drinks. I find it sits easier if you each pay for things rather than halving the bill. I don't know why though

Why on earth do you think the man should pay, umiasha? Are you for sale?

I agree it shouldn't be expected of the man to pay for everything. However, as I'm going to go on my first online date soon hopefully, I was wondering about the practicalities.

For example, we're going to a pub just for a drink. So I assume we'll initially go to the bar together. I'm not great at taking the initiative and being bossy, so I assume he'll ask what I want to drink. How do I make it clear at that point that I'm fine with paying for my drink? As presumably he'll order both.

It's a minefield! Don't want to seem anxious over a drink, but also don't want him to think I'm expecting him to pay.

But if you went to a bar with a friend, you'd swap rounds, presumably? If he asks what you want to drink, just tell him and thank him, then when you've both finished your drinks, get the next round.

DeepPurple, I agree - there is nothing friendly or romantic about each splitting a bill, finding the right amount of money etc. It's easier to each treat the other to something.

And ScottishMummy, do you drink a lot? Often it is almost impossible to know what you're saying.

This makes interesting reading as my brother has been Internet dating and one of the things he's found is that all of his dates have expected him to pay.

Not one of them has even done the token ''shall I pay half?' Slowly gets purse out in the hope that he will say 'no don't worry, I've got this'' thing.

He obviously hasn't dated any MNers!

Yes, absolutely, but with a friend is know there would be the chance to take turns. On a date I don't know if we'll get on well enough to have a second drink!