What is the ettiquete regarding who pays of a first date?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just went on a nice date. No major fireworks but he was sweet and with a good, intelligent sense of humour! I have come feeling good apart from the fact that I payed for my own, coffee, cake and entrance to a tourist attraction. Is that ok in this day and age although I like the thought of being romanced....(spoilt princess emoticon).

@ Bogey

well lets see,I didn't get a message deleted
so,I'll so no to the confrontational
condescending?no.i just don't think I'm entitled to free dinner because I'm laydee

I'm rather strident in some of my views about female equality, but I don't think we can say a man who wants to pay for a first date is a misogynist. It can equally be a sign of a generous personality. It should, however, be an indication that you should look out for signs of benign sexism, which can indicate a deeper-rooted problem with women. For example, some of the most misogynistic men out there can be appear extremely respectful to women - opening car doors, pulling out chairs, admiring their parenting skills, indulging their every whim - as long as they know their place and don't challenge him. They're the most dangerous kind.

I asked for my own post to be deleted Scottish-so wheesth.

I wasn't commenting on your opinion about who pays on first dates.

I was referring to your bizarre outbursts to posters who have a different opinion to you.

But you didn't get a message deleted, so I suppose that's something.

IMO,this is not so much about him.a lot about my preference,my comfort
I'd not be comfortable man paying date,nor do I expect it
date is testing out compatability,sexual attraction.i don't feel happy putting money in mix too

Grabs popcorn

I fear it's you who's had an attack of humphy faces and nippy is you always like that
bizzare comment?i presume you disagree.conversely had you concurred wouldnt be bizarre

we all chew the fat,we all opine that's the point.if its bizarre to you,we'll so be it

I'm struggling to understand what you are saying, but I assume it's probably arsey.

I'm genuinely appalled that any woman would expect a man to pay for them in this day and age, you're a disgrace to your sex and doing nothing to advance the cause of equality (or even liberation, if you don't believe in "equality").

I think a first date which involves any substantial outlay, such as a meal, you should definitely go halves on. I'd be a bit cross with a man who tried to insist. It's especially rude when women have no intention of going on a second date with the person but they let the man pay for everything. I'd say it's fair enough to let someone buy you a drink, as it's likely you'll be staying for another and then you can get the next one in.

I have a male friend who's been doing a bit of dating recently and I was quite appalled to hear that most women seem to routinely expect the man to pay, even if it's drinks, i.e. they will let him get drinks in all night and never offer to so much as buy a round. That is just rude, princessy behaviour and I'm sorry it should have no place in current etiquette.

What is dating etiquette though? A set of rules as to how men and women behave. Who wants to follow rules? I'd rather make up my own.

your funny.oh dear struggling you say?
but you know you definitely no likey the content
glad we cleared up. you read my posts in a presumptive manner

@ Scottishmummy

Ok, I'm feeling very guilty now. This guy offered me a sip of his Irn Bru, and I took it, should I have contributed to the cost seeing as he already nicked it had it? I feel princessy

Would it make a difference if it was Buckfast?

I have no idea.is Bucky your usual tipple

Not really, Bucky gives me the HUMPHY FACES and I once punched Rabbie in the face after, I'm more of a Stellah drinker myself.

It's difficult to read your posts in any manner.

Do you read over them before you post?

curious
you don't understand the content,such a struggle?
but you grasp enough to be know what you don't like.funny that

My current bf paid for the meal on our first date, I bought the next drinks then we did rounds. I thought his offer was very kind, and certainly not an attempt to buy sex. He got that for free a few dates later

Since then we generally take turns to pay, and sometimes go halfers, so I don't really feel he owns me.

lol,at current boyfriend,that'll keep him on his toes

Futterby I couldn't help but WTF? at your comment, 'My boyfriend and I just take turns paying. I'll pay one month, he'll pay the next etc. Although, he likes to be the "man" so to speak so whenever I'm paying I give him the money to hand over :P'

In your case, if he wants to be the 'man' I'd let him put his hand in his own pocket every month. I just find that weird, sorry! If he's happy to go 50/50 why would it bother him what some random waiter/waitress thinks?

Eccentrica I quote my DPs opinion because I thought it added another viewpoint to this discussion and he is not a MN member, so won't be posting himself.

I share his opinion which is why we are well matched.

I appreciate that he enjoys treating people (not only me, but my DCs, his DCs, his brothers & friends, his grandad).

He's just a generous bloke and I wanted to share the experience of our particular relationship dynamics to support my own view that there is nothing wrong with a man paying for dinner. I make it up to him with home cooked meals which cost me time rather than money. I have more time, he has more money so we 'treat' each other according to our resources.

It's been yonks since I dated, but I would have gone roughly halves - eg the one who did the inviting would pay for the entrance to the tourist attraction and the invitee would pay for coffee and cake, something like that. I'd feel a bit weird paying for our own things as we went around - that (to me) would make it seem more like going out with a mate rather than a date.

Oh, and I have quoted my own opinion several times up thread, I added DPs after discussing this with him last night.

Incidently, anyone watching Dates on channel four? Drama about first dates from internet dating...

Yes Smokinaces and all the characters are bonkers and waving more red flags than a carnival, so I'm not taking any dating tips from it!