Engagement ring

[milkybar28]

I'm looking for advice on engagement rings and hope the learned ladies of Mumsnet can help.

I should start by explaining that I'm a 28 year old man who has devoured the talk boards, in particular AIBU and relationships for a number of years. I am not a parent (or a troll!) but began reading out of curiosity after a story in the Times. The trials and tribulations, sometimes hilarious, sometimes shocking stories and invaluable advice offered, taken and ignored have fascinated and truly educated me over the years. I am proud to say I consider myself a feminist, in no small part because of the education I have received on here. I'm also sad to say that some of the stories have made me truly ashamed to be a member of the male sex.

But now to business! After a number of short and long term relationships I have finally met the woman I wish to spend the rest of my life with. We met in July and moved in together in November and we both know that this is "the one".
I am considering proposing at the end of the year because I don't want to wait any longer before committing to the one I love. By October and a planned holiday abroad I will have saved around £2,200 for a ring.

Do we think this is enough, or as I suspect, I should wait to save a little more?

For the sake of clarity I earn £40,000 a year, my girlfriend is not materialistic, and I can save around £100 a month. I know that many will say the price doesn't matter and of course I know this but we live in the real world and I want to give my true love a suitable token of my feelings. The old adage of 1 months salary would mean a ring worth £2,500.

A ring for £2.2k?! I'll marry you

£800-£1000 tops, save your money for the wedding! I'd be happy with something £200ish but then I wouldn't anything too dear as I have horses and would rather have something that was more wearable then something I would I have to worry over.

Well done for finding your one!

It's not an "old adage" - it's a De Beers advertising slogan.

I think 2.2 K is fine. You know your girlfriend best and whether you should buy the ring to propose with or propose and then pick a ring together. I recently lost my engagement ring and got a replacement here and am really happy with it and found them to be very good value.

mine was about that, and I love it.

but that doesn't mean you will have to spend that much if you don't want too. its more about what your partner likes, lots of digging and looking in her jewelry collection for inspiration.

Get the best diamond you can for your money! If you are spending that much might be better to choose together?

Really, I don't know why you'd delay the engagement just to save for a fancier ring. Actually, if you're sure she's "the one" I don't know why you'd wait at all, but you didn't ask that! Just propose, discuss the budget and pick something together. Not that romantic, but she'll have something she loves ( as well as you if course), and it's important to be able to discuss money openly.

I think that's lovely,

Thankyou for your responses!

She's not in the slightest bit materialistic but she does have excellent and particular taste- think kitting out her house solely from car boot sales - and I wanted to also ask whether going to Hatton Gardens and buying a diamond and then designing the ring with her would be romantic or just a cop out? Can anyone recommend a ring designer in London or the South east perhaps?

Costypop thankyou for your advice. Without wishing to be crass, the wedding costs would be covered by our parents so I'm lucky enough for that not to be a worry.

It's much more important that it's a ring that she loves than that it costs the earth.

A good quality ring designed to last a lifetime is not cheap but you don't need to spend 2.2K on it, and you might well find that, if asked, she would prefer to put the difference towards the honeymoon, the wedding rings, or things for setting up home together.

I personally wouldn't want a ring that cost that much, for the reason Natasha gives above. Mine was pricey but not to the point where I thought someone might saw my finger off for it :) I would judge by her taste in jewellery and Casmama is right - judge for yourself if a surprise ring is what she'd like or the chance to choose it together.

And congratulations!

Good point about choosing together, or at least suss out what will she like first.

Personally, I'd worry if I knew my engagement ring had been 2.2k. Better invested in a honeymoon, for example.

Personally, I'd have been happy with something around 500 maybe up to 1k, and I am in your salary range.

£2k is enough to get something really lovely. Mine is insured for more than that, but DH paid £2k for it because it was in an antique jeweller.

A second-hand engagement ring is not to everyone's taste, of course. But that amount will definitely get something she'll love :)

Bonzo- I have considered that and I know she'd be more than happy with it. But we both know that we will marry and I want to give her the fairy tale engagement she deserves.

I think you actually need to ask her about her ring preferences; she might have always dreamed of a particular style, or respond really well to the idea of designing one together.

But you can't really find that out until after you have proposed. So how about buying a different piece of jewellery to mark the (one hopes successful) proposal? Then go shopping together.

The jeweller I linked to above is based in Hatton Garden.

Go to the auctions. You can pick up a wonderful ring that will become your family heirloom. A few carat diamond or a large mixed stone ring, sapphire and diamonds or such like. 2k, if you have, is awonderful demonstration of the beginning of you lives together.

that sounds like a good amount to me - a nice sized diamond but not big enough for her to worry (well, it wouldn't worry me).

i chose my own ring - DH wouldn't even attempt to choose for me, he knows me too well...

what about a cheapy fifty quid job to propose with, and then a trip to Hatton Garden together? That would be my preference if i was your GF.

(congratulations!)

Toby- she did secretly post an antique Opal engagement ring on her Pinterest which I found and considered perfect. I tracked down it's origin and was trying to find something similar......only for someone to tell her that Opals are bad luck! Back to square one!

if she's not into diamonds - my friend had a large obling very pale pink emerald
it was properly gorgeous...

It does seem she'll like an antique ring, though.

opals go cloudy and aren't hard wearing either, not a good choice imo

Thankyou for the link Casmama and thankyou for the congrats Badgers. We are both constantly smiling at the moment!

I had a figure of £4k in my head initially but I think advice here and elsewhere suggests that's perhaps over the top.

I'll take the opals off your hands. I love opals.

Just to give a different point of view for the sake of balance, If my dh spent that much money on a ring I would be very cross indeed. I would rather that money go towards something we could benefit from ie house deposit, honeymoon, car etc I never wanted an engagement ring and my wedding ring is a £19.99 job from a jewellers in soho. Its not how much the thing costs its what it symbolises. I know I'm probably the only one to think so but hey.... nothing wrong with diversity.

If however you think your girlfriend would appreciate it then go for it. Congratulations btw