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Original poster

Engagement ring

178 replies

milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 19:15

I'm looking for advice on engagement rings and hope the learned ladies of Mumsnet can help.

I should start by explaining that I'm a 28 year old man who has devoured the talk boards, in particular AIBU and relationships for a number of years. I am not a parent (or a troll!) but began reading out of curiosity after a story in the Times. The trials and tribulations, sometimes hilarious, sometimes shocking stories and invaluable advice offered, taken and ignored have fascinated and truly educated me over the years. I am proud to say I consider myself a feminist, in no small part because of the education I have received on here. I'm also sad to say that some of the stories have made me truly ashamed to be a member of the male sex.

But now to business! After a number of short and long term relationships I have finally met the woman I wish to spend the rest of my life with. We met in July and moved in together in November and we both know that this is "the one".
I am considering proposing at the end of the year because I don't want to wait any longer before committing to the one I love. By October and a planned holiday abroad I will have saved around £2,200 for a ring.

Do we think this is enough, or as I suspect, I should wait to save a little more?

For the sake of clarity I earn £40,000 a year, my girlfriend is not materialistic, and I can save around £100 a month. I know that many will say the price doesn't matter and of course I know this but we live in the real world and I want to give my true love a suitable token of my feelings. The old adage of 1 months salary would mean a ring worth £2,500.

OP posts:
CandyCrushed · 27/03/2013 20:52

Diamonds are nice because you don't have to worry about them as long as they are set in a solid setting and not sit too proud. I don't take mine off for gardening or DIY etc (the only exception is biking and tennis)

They won't get scratched unlike sapphires or other stones. Diamonds are four times harder than corundum (sapphires/rubies etc)

I love old cut diamonds. They are less sparkly but they are often very beautiful. My favourite shapes are rounded cushion cuts or asscher cuts. Princess cut is lovely too.

WhatAGoat · 27/03/2013 20:56

I recently went engagement ring shopping with soon to be bil. For that much money you can get something amazing as long as you do your research online about grading and do not go to a chain store if possible go to a jewellery quarter such as Birmingham and go further in off the main roads you will get a massive rock. Good luck

CandlestickOlder · 27/03/2013 21:03

I hear the Birmingham jewellery quarter is very good and cheaper than hatton garden and I assume Brighton.

I would hate it if my DP asked/told my parents before me but each to their own.

I would also want to choose the ring together so I agree with the other posters about proposing with a cheapo ring.

Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 21:06

Candlestick- Confusingly I agree with that too- I want my girlfriend to be the first person in the world to know!!!! So hard!!!

Birmingham seems to be the consensus. But I'm a very soft southerner and going north of London scares me! (I realise I may have alienated myself in one fell swoop so that is slightly tongue in cheek!)

OP posts:
Beaverfeaver · 27/03/2013 21:07

My DH has used Blue Nile for diamond earrings and necklace before.

Much cheaper than on the shops and you can choose based on quality or size and then choose the setting.

For £2k on there you would get something that would've sold on the high street for over £4k easily

CandlestickOlder · 27/03/2013 21:08

Birmingham isn't north!! Grin

Couple of first class Virgin train tickets, nice hotel... Nice weekend away.

Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 21:11

BRB- she's on her way home from drinks and if I don't tidy the kitchen there'll be no wedding!

OP posts:
emsyj · 27/03/2013 21:11

Ooooh my engagement ring is from Berganza too, PragmaticWench! Grin I seem to spend a lot of time on their website drooling over the antique diamond bracelets....

I personally think you should spend the most you possibly can - but then I am not a fan of holidays (bizarre, I know - I just don't enjoy them very much) and we already had a house when we got engaged etc. I wanted a super duper special ring and it was a big deal to me, although I'm not generally 'showy' or a big spender and I don't wear designer clothes etc - I just have a thing for bling...

I do agree with other posters who suggest she chooses herself - DH chose my ring and it's lovely, but not what I would have chosen if I'd had the opportunity. I do love it, but I would have wanted something very different given a choice and I think I would have enjoyed the browsing and trying-on. Yes, I would have tried on all the biggest, flashiest and most expensive rings and would have loved it! I am currently in love with this one. Grin Grin Grin I think a proposal with a fake/joke ring, followed by a romantic weekend in London trawling Hatton Garden would be perfect. Go for dinner at the Bleeding Heart too.

Wigeon · 27/03/2013 21:23

Yet another person whose DH proposed with a cheap silver ring, then we went ring shopping together at Hatton Garden. It was definitely the right thing for him to do - I absolutely wanted to be able to choose the ring I was going to wear every day for the rest of my life. Not that we discussed that in advance - DH just knew Grin.

I really enjoyed ring shopping with him - it was very romantic. And that way the whole proposal was romantic twice - once for the actual proposal and then again, a week later, for the ring shopping.

Dinner at the Bleeding Heart, round the corner, is a fab idea. Tres romantique. Please propose to me! Grin I think we went for a bagel half way down Hatton Garden when we needed a break from ring shopping!

Personally I think £2k is a huge amount of money - I think mine still looks pretty wonderful / not at all stingy /good quality diamonds and was less than that. If you go ring shopping together with a maximum idea of budget, it may well be that the ring she loves best is less than that.

Good luck!

Skygirls · 27/03/2013 22:02

Like cocoa, my DH bought a lovely stand-in ring from Tiffany's, with which he proposed. We went shopping for the real engagement ring later on, but went for the 'choose the stone' and then the 'setting' route, to make sure we got exactly what we wanted.

It was very nice to be able to choose, although DH has great taste.
Hatton Garden was great!
Congratulations and good luck. Smile

jenny99 · 27/03/2013 22:14

Congratulations. I think it is lovely that you are taking so much care and putting so much thought into this.

Personally I don't think it is an excessive amount to spend on a special piece of jewellery that will last forever.

Is there any way you could perhaps go to a jeweller with a wide range and take home one or two on approval (leaving a credit card/cheque etc?) with the understanding that you will keep one or exchange it for something else?

My husband proposed first and then we went ring shopping together.

It sounds as tho you would plan a special proposal so I would do that and explain how you want the ring to be perfect and special.

Sheila · 27/03/2013 22:24

I always had my heart set on a Tiffany diamond - very chic and so romantic.

Sheila · 27/03/2013 22:29

Sorry just noticed that ring is over £8k - no wonder it's fab (expensive tastes!)Grin

Cosmosim · 27/03/2013 22:41

I got mine at cool diamonds in Hatton gardens. They don't negotiate on prices like most others, so it takes the pressure off knowing the prices are set. I picked out 3 designs I would be equally happy with and fiancé made final decision (secretly the one I liked best). I disagree the certificate is a piece of paper. They set their prices according to it!!! I went for a bigger stone that was less perfect because frankly I couldn't tell the difference with the naked eye enough to pay double for a less flawed one. We looked at antiques but none came with a certificate (one lady who was selling a £7k ring told me it was just too expensive for her to do as it cost £300 for a certificate... I thought heck, I'd be happy to pay that on top to know what exactly I'm getting.). My point is their prices were competitive to new rings but you didn't know what stone you were getting.

Arisbottle · 27/03/2013 22:55

Just to give an alternative view if your girlfriend is not materialistic will she even want a ring and will she want one costing that much , regardless of what you can afford .

austenozzy · 27/03/2013 22:57

I agree with scaevola - it's a bit of a gimmick and takes no account of modern cost of living.

At the risk of sounding a bit like Delboy, I'd ask around and find out if there's anyone who knows anyone who works in the jewellery business. My friend's friend was a dealer on Hatton Garden, and he sourced a very good quality diamond (just under a carat) and two identical platinum bands (one for engagement ring, other for wedding ring) for my wife's rings.

I got the ring made to measure to my wife's design ideas, all in for about £1800. They're insured for either £5000 or £6000, can't remember off the top of my head, or rather they were 7 years ago. Should get them revalued really.

You can then spend the rest on something else, or bring forward the date of the big day! :-)

MrsHoarder · 27/03/2013 23:10

£2.2k is a lot! Try to get change from that rather than saving up more.

A bit shocked that on £40k you can only save £100/month though. Or is that just for the sneaky engagement ring fund?

ATouchOfStuffing · 27/03/2013 23:12

You sound lovely OP.
I do think she may want the fun of choosing/designing it herself.
I don't know if you had thought about an empty box with a note in it with 'an invitation to accompany you to X/Y or Z to peruse and acquire the perfect symbol of your love that she can cherish for the rest of her...' (blahblahblah)
I think it is always a little risky when spending a decent amount to go on guesswork. Also the finger size and shape can make what you may think is a wonderful shape look odd or squat etc. Hope that makes sense - not saying your lovely lady has squat fingers, just that certain styles can make them look...oh, i'll stop digging now.

A99Sing · 27/03/2013 23:14

It's a lovely thought to design a ring for her but you need to be really sure it's her taste. My DH bought my diamond and had the ring designed but I don't really like the ring. I love the effort that he went to and will always treasure it for that, but I'd rather we chose it together which makes for a fairly romantic day and a ring I'd enjoy wearing more. I don't mean to sound ungrateful.

Also if your lady has a strong personal style I think the antique ring could be a go-er. My friend had a beautiful emerald in a really unusual setting.

Oh and the colour wears off of white gold over time. We didn't know that. Maybe we were a bit dim?!

Original poster
milkybar28 · 28/03/2013 09:26

Thanks for all of your excellent advice. I think the general consensus is that, as much as I would love to surprise her with the perfect ring, involving her in the design/search is the best way to go. Now it's just to decide how to propose without a ring
£2.2k seems to be agreed as a decent amount but I might just redouble my efforts to save money and try to get up to £3k.
Bleeding Heart is an excellent suggestion but I've been there for several client lunches recently and it always reminds me of work so I might have to find somewhere to create new memories.
Oh and TouchOfStuffing - thankyou for the advice re.squat fingers!!! She has beautiful hands so I definitely want to avoid that effect!!

MrsHoarder - Trust me I wish it was more but once London rent, bills, Oyster card, pension, credit card, etc. are taken care of there's not much left!

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 28/03/2013 09:40

I reckon you should do the proposal and take her to choose the ring on the same day. That way she at least has a chance of showing off the ring when she tells people.

My DH did it in the jeweller's shop! We were idly looking in the windows -- we'd talked about getting married and knew we would do it, but we weren't engaged. We saw a couple of rings we liked and he asked me if I wanted to try them on. Tried them, didn't like them as much. Then the lady in the shop (Fidra, Brighton) said they had a sister shop just down the road, and that they would run rings between the shops for me if I wanted, so we could compare. The sister shop had a lovely 1930s ring in the window. I tried it on. We both loved it. He said "do you want it, then?" Hmm
I said "are we doing this now?!"
The ladies in the shop found it hilarious. They resized the ring while we had a couple of drinks around the corner and some lunch.

Not overly exciting or romantic, I'm sure you'll agree :o

(He did ask me properly later, in Preston Park, and it was all very sweet).

lucidlady · 28/03/2013 10:52

My engagement ring is an antique. We got it from the antiques market beside Bond St station. They have an amazing selection there so it's definitely well worth a visit.

Autumn12 · 28/03/2013 11:36

Definitely get a ring made - it's tons cheaper. Jewellers have a mark up of up to 400%!

Tiffany is a massive rip off - you'll pay thousands but it won't necessarily be a good quality diamond.

My DH paid 3k for my ring to be made and we were able to get a D grade diamond with hardly any inclusions - you wouldn't get that in a ready made ring froma jewellers for that price.

Midwife99 · 28/03/2013 19:48

We designed & had my ring made to a budget (approx £1850 5 years ago I think). It was lovely choosing the diamonds etc. but she might like vintage? I'd pop the question & then choose together.