Engagement ring

[milkybar28]

I'm looking for advice on engagement rings and hope the learned ladies of Mumsnet can help.

I should start by explaining that I'm a 28 year old man who has devoured the talk boards, in particular AIBU and relationships for a number of years. I am not a parent (or a troll!) but began reading out of curiosity after a story in the Times. The trials and tribulations, sometimes hilarious, sometimes shocking stories and invaluable advice offered, taken and ignored have fascinated and truly educated me over the years. I am proud to say I consider myself a feminist, in no small part because of the education I have received on here. I'm also sad to say that some of the stories have made me truly ashamed to be a member of the male sex.

But now to business! After a number of short and long term relationships I have finally met the woman I wish to spend the rest of my life with. We met in July and moved in together in November and we both know that this is "the one".
I am considering proposing at the end of the year because I don't want to wait any longer before committing to the one I love. By October and a planned holiday abroad I will have saved around £2,200 for a ring.

Do we think this is enough, or as I suspect, I should wait to save a little more?

For the sake of clarity I earn £40,000 a year, my girlfriend is not materialistic, and I can save around £100 a month. I know that many will say the price doesn't matter and of course I know this but we live in the real world and I want to give my true love a suitable token of my feelings. The old adage of 1 months salary would mean a ring worth £2,500.

www.bethgilmour.com/

Hello, I'm actually a vintage jewellery dealer. (Not nearby) But thought you might appreciate my tuppence worth.

£2k is a good spend on a ring. It's not OTT and it's not insubstantial. You can and will be able to get a lovely ring for £2k.

Re: Certificated stones/diamonds etc. I wouldn't bother. You get charged extra just because the stone has a certificate- thus paying more than it's actually worth.

I'd look into buying 2nd hand or vintage as you're most likely to get a better deal. Metal prices are high and so jewellers that deal only in 'new' rings will have had to pay the exorbitant metal prices.... whereas a 2nd hand dealer can sometimes get away with paying scrap value for their stock.
As they've bought it cheaper- they are usually able to pass a decent saving onto you! Independents are best obviously.

Shop around, see if anything just screams out her name at you. You'd be surprised!!

And good luck with your proposal etc. Not that I think you'll need it

Jesus Christ please don't ask anybody's permission apart from your girlfriend.

I was chuffed to bits when my (now) DH saved up £1200 (salary about £1900 a month)

He took me to the diamond quarter in Birmingham and let me choose

I got a lot more for the £1200 there than i would have done off the high street!

So personally i think the amount you have could get something stunning but it also depends where you buy it from!

Something else to throw into the mix....how about buying from auction? The prices are often much more reasonable than buying new. We bought my engagement ring from Sothebys, there is an auction coming up that has some lovely antique styles. Estimates start from £1000.

You can go to the viewing, try some things on, talk to the experts who will tell you about the ring and then decide whether you want to go for it!

Just don't get carried away and remember to add on the buyers premium.

We had great fun doing this, it was a real experience.

www.sothebys.com/en/auctions/ecatalogue/2013/jewels-l13050/lots.list.1.html#&fkeys=filter-type%3A-Ring

Toby- whilst they're certainly "modern"parents I do think they'd like a nod to the traditional asking ritual. Perhaps I could couch it more in terms of "I'm going to propose to your daughter and wanted to get your blessing" rather than "permission".

I think your budget is about right for a ring.

Mine was about that and I adore it. It's a simple solitaire

DH proposed to me (a wonderfully independent woman) having had a chat with my parents to make his intentions clear (not to ask permission). He chose to propose in our front room just before we went to collect DS from school so that DS would be the first person we would tell. It was perfect for us.

Erick- lovely link, thankyou

Mrscumber- thankyou for some great advice, would you recommend Hatton Gardens?

And thankyou to everyone else so far- too many replies to keep up, but all appreciated!

My DH proposed with a funky costume jewellery ring, then we went to Hatton Garden to a shop called Berganza and he let me choose whatever I wanted. They specialise in antique and unusual rings, not just the usual diamond solitaires, and all of the rings are clearly labelled with their prices. You could take her there after proposing and let her find something that is just 'her'? Knowing that she'll be wearing it forever means it needs to suit her style.

Also, if you let her know she has a £2,200 budget, I bet she'll be bowled over; you sound lovely, good luck!

Wow really refreshing to see a man so excited about getting engaged and the ring! Congrats!
Anyway, I got my ring second hand, its a solitaire diamond with an 18ct gold band and the diamond is set in platinum. I love it. It was £1600, but I have just had it valued for insurance purposes and it came back as £3200, so worth going second hand I think. x

www.berganza.com/

Hatton Garden is fun. It's always hit and miss to find something that you actually like, but make sure you barter and shop around.

Don't let anyone charge you extra for rhodium plate. It's a bit of a scam and it's an industry standard that new white metal rings will be plated it shouldn't ever incur additional costs for a new ring.

Check what their policies are if there's any issues. We offer a lifetime guarantee on rings ie: if ring deteriorates badly without heavy wear etc we would replace or repair for free. Or if it's heavy wear/an accident we will mend for far below market repair prices etc.

Obviously you don't want to anticipate having any issues but it's nice to know that you're looked after should the worst come to worst!

ThePink- how could I not be excited!? Thanks for the advice but my worry is that second hand means getting her style absolutely correct! And while she would tell me (nicely!) if I got it wrong, I want it to be perfect.

Congrats!

I agree with speaking to BOTH the parents first in a 'just to let you know, I'm going to propose' type of way.

My DP called (they live in another country) my dad first and it was actually my dad (after saying "of course it's ok!" that said "You best check with The Boss though" (meaning my mum!). They love my DP

£2k is a good amount I think, that's what mine was (he picked it but knew my tastes). It's enough to get a flawless diamond too.

Great tips MrsCumber. Could I ask the name of your company?

On a different note- we love "Don't tell the Bride" but neither of us can work out why the couples don't tell each other exactly the wedding they want before applying!!! Can anyone shed any light?

Lovely thread milky, making me all misty-eyed from my own engagement 13 (HTF did that happen?!?) years ago.

DH actually proposed with earrings in the box because he wanted us to design / pick the ring together. So lucky woman that I am, I have engagement earrings and an engagement ring, both of which I wear every day.

DH did the ask the blessing thing as well and it went over very well.

A word on insurance - a ring like that you will probably want to make sure is a named or listed item on your household insurance. Our policy stipulates that my ring is only covered if it is in a safe or if I'm wearing it. I think that keeps the premiums down. And since we don't have a safe (what normal person has a safe in their flat??) it means I wear it all the time.

Congrats by the way, I think your future DW is a lucky woman too

You'd be surprised at what's out there second hand and vintage....

I don't endorse any of these pages/prices etc but these are the styles of rings that my recent brides to be have been excited about....

diamond sapphire

diamond cluster

cushion

I also vote for letting her be involved in picking the ring - though I'm biased, it's what my DH did. He took me to Hatton Garden, I ended up falling in love with my ring very quickly (very unusual for me as I can take days to decide on a £20 purchase!) and the shop served us a glass of champagne to congratulate us. It was all around a lovely day and it made it very special to be able to pick it out together.

One slightly different idea for the proposal: he actually bought me my wedding band. He was pretty sure he'd get that right (very simple platinum band) and he got it from Tiffany's, so it came in the famous duck egg blue box.

Something- good point! Think my mother, bless her, would be upset if she didn't know as we'll!

That's a really good idea Pragmatic. Pretty, but obviously only a token plastic ring for proposing with. If I was presented with a real but cheapish ring, I might think it was meant to be the real thing, and would probably be too polite to say I was disappointed. I might even say I really liked it anda get stuck with it. I'm very glad my DH just proposed with a flower and let me choose the stones and the design for the ring. Had it made to my own design with a largish sapphire and a couple of little side diamonds. Cost £1,500

Congrats Milky!!

I don't think we're allowed to plug on Mumsnet milkybar, but it's a small family business in Glasgow.

Don't tell the bride- I think that they must be in on it to an extent. Friends of mine applied and showed us the application forms etc.

Hearts- thankyou. I'm a very lucky man!

Cocoa- excellent idea to get the blue box in there!!

Take her with you and get something made. She might want a show diamond, but I wouldn't. I'd want a ring worth less than a £1000 and a wonderful honeymoon or money towards a house.

I got married as a student, my engagement ring cost £100 and DH couldn't really afford that. What it cost doesn't matter at all, we choose it together and both love it.

I lost (and eventually found my wedding ring), it's £500 replacement makes me nervous.

You've got a great budget. A good way of doing it would be to take her to either Hatton Garden or the Lanes in Brighton. There are ring designers there and antique rings so she can choose which way she would like to go.

Although it's very romantic to be presented with a ring, personally I would have been a bit upset if my husband had chosen my ring. I really enjoyed us looking for it and choosing it together. Take your time and enjoy it. It's unlikely you will ever have this budget to spend on a piece of jewellery again.

On another note, I've got a diamond ring which I love but I have coveted a rectangular cut sapphire which a friend has. It was very simple and elegant.

Good luck and congratulations

Milky - my engagement ring is opals!

Just because I love them.

We will be married 14 years in June.