Engagement ring

[milkybar28]

I'm looking for advice on engagement rings and hope the learned ladies of Mumsnet can help.

I should start by explaining that I'm a 28 year old man who has devoured the talk boards, in particular AIBU and relationships for a number of years. I am not a parent (or a troll!) but began reading out of curiosity after a story in the Times. The trials and tribulations, sometimes hilarious, sometimes shocking stories and invaluable advice offered, taken and ignored have fascinated and truly educated me over the years. I am proud to say I consider myself a feminist, in no small part because of the education I have received on here. I'm also sad to say that some of the stories have made me truly ashamed to be a member of the male sex.

But now to business! After a number of short and long term relationships I have finally met the woman I wish to spend the rest of my life with. We met in July and moved in together in November and we both know that this is "the one".
I am considering proposing at the end of the year because I don't want to wait any longer before committing to the one I love. By October and a planned holiday abroad I will have saved around £2,200 for a ring.

Do we think this is enough, or as I suspect, I should wait to save a little more?

For the sake of clarity I earn £40,000 a year, my girlfriend is not materialistic, and I can save around £100 a month. I know that many will say the price doesn't matter and of course I know this but we live in the real world and I want to give my true love a suitable token of my feelings. The old adage of 1 months salary would mean a ring worth £2,500.

I agree with the above - a proper independent jeweller will go through the quality of the stones with you vs price. He also bartered with us. A couple of years later he made some diamond earrings to match at a discount price because he also made our wedding rings so we had been good customers.

A little update for all those who gave such good advice.

My girlfriend and I had a highly enjoyable days shopping on Saturday, interspersed with regular stops for food and wine. After about the 5th of these (and by now definitely swaying a little!) we wondered through Burlington Arcade. I decided to grab the bull by the horns and probe a little about what she might like.

Unexpectedly she said she definitely hoped it would be a surprise and wanted to play no part in designing or choosing it, bar chatting about the sort of thing she liked. Which is lovely but makes my job doubly scary and hard!!!!

We then rolled/stumbled into one of the many lovely jewellers and for the very first time told the assistant that we were looking for engagement rings! Cue us practicing keeping a straight face upon being shown a "...lovely vintage Tiffany's ring at a very reasonable £14,000"!

We didn't buy anything but it was a lot of fun and I now have the task of choosing a ring all on my own - wish me luck!

VERY reasonable!
Good luck OP, glad you had fun :)

He or she would, of course.
You have to give them a budget, otherwise they'll push you for the most expensive ones.
Even so, maybe give a budget about 500£ lower than your real one, because they will push it.

Look at what kind of things she likes, what other rings she has. White gold, yellow gold. Modern, vintage. Plain, decorated. Diamond, other stones.

For example, I have very think fingers and told ex that I'd want a small stone, otherwise it would look huge on my fingers.

Also consider more practically, if she might need to remove it for sports or her job.
For example, I wear gloves daily and a large stone would have been inconvenient.

And keep the receipt.

Good luck!

We/I like a bit of a history behind things. We got engaged abroad, on holiday. He went and got me the ring from a local jeweller, a very discreet ring that in that particular culture symbolises protection, with a tiny diamond. The jeweller had his shop in a square I was sort of named after, that's where he proposed too.
Nothing extraordinarily expensive, works with a plain wedding band and an eternity ring stacked together.

Wishing you happiness and please come back, tell us what you decided.

Congrats OP and good luck

FWIW I don't think a big flash proposal is that important, as long as it's special to the two of you.

Very excited for you both

My engagement ring cost £29 From Ratners. 21 Yeats after the engagement, just over 18 since our wedding, I wear it every day! Stop fussing about the money (we were students when we got engaged so had no money - dh was still a student when we married!)

Sounds like a lovely day!

Just thought I'd share my experience. DH & I had been together for 8yrs when we got married and got engaged about 18mths before. We were already living together so DH planned a lot in secret!! I has already mentioned some things I liked in rings - square-ish not round cut diamond, not yellow gold. And provided a sizing guide ring from the jewellery box...

DH had spoken to my parents (& his DM & husband) and let him know he was going to pop the question. He took me to a local castle for their November extravaganza - activities during the day, with a fireworks display at the end, and proposed during the display accompanied by Massive Attack's Teardrop.

The ring he chose was perfect. It was designed and made by a family friend who is a jeweller by trade. It is a princess cut (I think, I can't remember exactly) solitaire diamond in a raised setting on a platinum band. It fitted exactly. It was lovely to be engaged & have the ring to wear there & then.

We then went to my parents, with DH's parents there, & the champagne on ice :)

The advantage of having a friend make the ring (which, incidentally cost about a mth's salary, which DH saved up from his own money) was we could have wedding bands to suit too.

The wedding day was wonderful too. We tried to do it on a small budget, but still ended up spending £12k, but that included the 2 platinum wedding bands, the luxury cruise honeymoon & a fantastic (but expensive) photographer. We both felt that those things were worth the expense, as apart from the marriage cert (top tip, get 2 copies on the day) they were the only "tangible" things from a wedding day. Little did we know, a honeymoon baby is another tangible outcome

Good luck saving up & planning the proposal. A good one (& equally a truly terrible one ) makes a wonderful memory and one to share with the dc.

OP, you sound lovely! With your budget I would, personally, like a bespoke design or antique ring and it sounds like your DG would too. It's nice to have something with a story or meaning. DH proposed to me in Italy so we got my engagement ring and our wedding rings from an independent jeweller in Italy. We then married in Italy too.

I think it's great that people still take time to find out what their fiancee wants!

I would have loathed to have been given a ready-made ring; my bf knew I'd once designed a ring and that I'd have been crushed had I never had a chance to wear it. He was a bit miffed that it meant he couldn't buy me a ring in a design that he had created - so we compromised - I bought him a ring in his preferred design when we got mine!

Do think of her finger size though. Get it measured in advance. And also look at the ring finger length. Eventually she may have three rings on there, so make sure you don't get engagement and wedding bands which are too wide to fit a third one on!

Oh, I'd go for stone quality over size. Mum was told this when she and Dad got engaged, and her ring is fairly small but lovely. They've been married 57 years.

Good luck!

My Husband-to-be recently brought me a amazing engagement ring from www.weddingrings-direct.com, he said the service was great and I think he even popped to their showroom in Brighton, but not sure. I love my ring. Hope that helps, not sure how much he paid.

Berganza is a really good place for antique rings, you will get something a bit more stylish.

this is pretty

As is this

But neither are massively practical if her hands are to be for anything other than opening menus.

I can second the recommendation for Blue Nile - you can buy loose diamonds on there (certified etc) or have them made into jewellery by them.

what does she want? I saw an antique ring in a little fair I liked and two years my bf presented it to me when he asked me to marry him. price was irrelevant - a few hundred I think - it was the one I loved

I think it's wonderful you are putting so much thought into it. For me, it's not about cost but what it represents. My ring, I guess, cost just under 1k, it is my most prized possession, I love it. It is very me, so DH clearly put lots of thought into it. I'd be devastated if it went missing. He didn't spend over 2k and I would never expect him to buy we still had a very special, romantic engagement. I look at it every day and it sparkles back at me. I get lots of compliments as it isn't a solitare diamond. I have a sapphire, surrounded by diamonds. I looks like a little flower, it's very pretty. Why don't you have a day trip to Brighton and see if she points out some that she likes. Good luck and we'll be expecting an update!

We picked ring together as I don't like wearing jewelry and so it had to be something I liked looking at but did not cost a fortune in case I lost it. I think it was around £ 400, very pretty. I'm also into second hand and refurbishing stuff... Congratulations btw.

This is a lovely thread! Good luck OP

I just thought I'd chip in what my now DH did - he got me a simple and classic antique 1/8 carat diamond ring. He knew I wanted something I would always wear and if it was too bulky or more than a few hundred pounds or needed insurance I wouldn't like it.

Then we went and got antique wedding rings from the same place and had them engraved with something personal inside - Andrew Ullmann in Hatton Garden, highly recommended.

Ooh, you sound lovely.

If I were you, I would do a Pintrest board for her of ring styles you like, then let her comment on them - I know she said she didn't want to choose, but it will give you some ideas as to the direction you want to look in.

Choose together. Make a special day of it. Somewhere she would love to go for lunch or dinner or afternoon tea. Perhaps reduce budget slightly and stay overnight somewhere nice?
Auctions, antique shops or jewellers that also sell antiques have lovely selections. Best of luck

milkybar - i think you are being very romantic & a gentleman : ) only you know your gf & whether it would be better to choose the ring yourself, or to choose it together / design it herself - what does your gut instinct say?

my poor dh got comments from my mum before we got engaged (we all knew it was the next step & the families used to joke about when he would pop the question) - she'd randomly slip in to conversations with him that traditionally men should spend a month's salary on an engagement ring, when he was trying to enjoy his sunday roast (she is v overbearing btw). i hated him feeling under any pressure to "perform" with regards to a ring, and your gf sounds v unlikely to hanker after a golf ball of a rock if you say she's not materialistic, especially if she has a love for vintage / pre-loved. have a google of kirsty allsopp's engagement ring, not sure what it is exactly but it looks amazing & is v unique.

but if you want to go down the traditional & safest route then of course a diamond is your best bet. personally i think you should suss out what her friends have, that'll give you an idea - i don't mean this to sound mercenary but girls do compare (well most do).

my dh spent £1200 on my ring, i only know this because months later when we moved house the receipt fell out of his wardrobe! it's platinum with a half carat square diamond & is the perfect size imo. but if you want to give her a rock that stands out (if that's what you think she'd like rather than what you think you SHOULD get) then go bigger & spend the 2.5k, you will certainly get a big diamond for that price. just bear in mind it WILL stand out, would she like that & like others say, would she worry about wearing it out & about?

i say if she would like a big rock & wouldn't worry about wearing it out, and your parents can take care of the wedding costs - then go for it & spend the lot on her! : ) but defo worth looking into other unique options if she's into more alternative styles - google kirsty allsopp! xx

First off; congratulations! My fiancé proposed to me in November, it was a complete surprise and he chose the ring - this made it extra special for me, just the idea of him going round all the jewellery shops and picking it out just for me makes me all emotional! So I assure you, whatever ring you chose she will love because you are obviously a lovely guy who is putting a lot of thought in to this! I have no idea how much mine cost, and I have no desire to know (it was definitely less than your budget though), so you will get an amazing ring for that price! Just keep looking and go with your gut! Good luck!

Congratulations! My dh and I had a slightly unconventional way of doing things: we agreed to get married after a chat in our bedroom one weekend, then had the venue booked, dress bought etc by the time he proposed 'properly' on holiday in Madeira . I chose the setting of my ring and he picked the rest. We got it from samara James upon a recommendation of a friend who knew a lot about the diamond trade, and I love it. Cost about your budget and I went for classic platinum solitaire. So of course I had to have a platinum wedding ring, and fell in love with a diamond one frm beaverbrooks. Also love that.

But totally recommend samara James. All online but fantastic communication (couple years back now).

Have a fantastic proposal and wedding day :)

You are so sweet!!! Good luck!

Check out jwa.ie - john weldon auctions - reputable
O'reillysfineart.com. - also reputable.
Lovely jewellery being auctioned. They have monthly sales.
Why not combine it with a few days in Dublin?