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Original poster

Engagement ring

178 replies

milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 19:15

I'm looking for advice on engagement rings and hope the learned ladies of Mumsnet can help.

I should start by explaining that I'm a 28 year old man who has devoured the talk boards, in particular AIBU and relationships for a number of years. I am not a parent (or a troll!) but began reading out of curiosity after a story in the Times. The trials and tribulations, sometimes hilarious, sometimes shocking stories and invaluable advice offered, taken and ignored have fascinated and truly educated me over the years. I am proud to say I consider myself a feminist, in no small part because of the education I have received on here. I'm also sad to say that some of the stories have made me truly ashamed to be a member of the male sex.

But now to business! After a number of short and long term relationships I have finally met the woman I wish to spend the rest of my life with. We met in July and moved in together in November and we both know that this is "the one".
I am considering proposing at the end of the year because I don't want to wait any longer before committing to the one I love. By October and a planned holiday abroad I will have saved around £2,200 for a ring.

Do we think this is enough, or as I suspect, I should wait to save a little more?

For the sake of clarity I earn £40,000 a year, my girlfriend is not materialistic, and I can save around £100 a month. I know that many will say the price doesn't matter and of course I know this but we live in the real world and I want to give my true love a suitable token of my feelings. The old adage of 1 months salary would mean a ring worth £2,500.

OP posts:
Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 19:43

I think so too Lueji but choosing it would be so daunting.

Mrs Bucket that's what I had read but she did have her heart set on it before being warned about the omens!

OP posts:
Cosmosim · 27/03/2013 19:44

I'm going against the grain here but if you're not paying for a wedding, I'd double the budget. To me, a wedding is one day whereas the ring lasts more than a lifetime (assuming it gets passed on to future kids). Our wedding was a swanky lunch for a small group, so cost less than my wedding ring. And before I get flamed, I bought his band (which was a big fat platinum number almost the size of your budget).

TobyLerone · 27/03/2013 19:46

I love opals, too. They're my birthstone. Apparently jewellers don't like to sell them for engagement rings because they can shrink when they've been in water and fall out of their setting.

Brighton has some lovely antique jewellers, if you decide to go down that route. The one we went to even resized my ring the same day, so that I could go home wearing it :)

Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 19:48

Eatyouveg- I do know what you mean and I can fully understand your advice- it's about love, not a monetary value.

But- and I am very wary of "stealth boasting" so please excuse me- she owns the house we live in, we have a car and we are both very lucky enough to come from backgrounds where those worries can be put to one side.

(Btw, after years of lurking I now fully understand the appeal of posting. People are so nice!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 19:50

Cosmo- those were my my thoughts! But it means waiting at least another year! The impatience of true love!

OP posts:
MatureUniStudent · 27/03/2013 19:50

I was sensible and had a kitchen and a cheap ring. I wish wish I'd have had a bling ring as it lasts forever and when I was happy in my marriage, each time I saw it sparkle it was a testament to love. Blow the 4k on a beautiful ring. If she likes opals, what about a cabochon ruby or a star sapphire? Surrounded by diamonds?

Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 19:51

Thankyou Toby. I'm actually from close to Brighton- any particular jewellers?

OP posts:
GiveMeSomeSpace · 27/03/2013 19:51

Check out CoolDiamonds. They are on one of the side roads off Hatton Garden and have a reputation top quality. They'll have something for every budget. I think you'll be able to design it with them as well.

Having said that if you think an Opal is what she'd like then go for. It's not bad luck, you make you're own luck! I chose an very dark emerald for my wife and found out afterwards they are supposed to be bad luck too! She absolutely loves the ring. 12 years and 4 children later says it wasn't bad luck.

I'd say choose the stone and design yourself and propose with it, but it's up to you. And forget about how much it costs. If she's the right woman it won't matter a jot.

Good luck :)

MediumOrchid · 27/03/2013 19:53

I think you should either buy your ring but tell her she can change it or propose with a cheap or token ring then choose one together.

Do you know how you're going to ask her yet?! That's as important as the ring, I think.

BernadetteRostenkowskiWolowitz · 27/03/2013 19:56

oh bless. ! some lucky woman gets a nice ring from a man who CARES enough to make sure it's just right! i've a heart of stone but i'm smiling.

TobyLerone · 27/03/2013 19:57

Mine was from here. It's a tiny little shop, but in that part of Brighton there are loads of antique jewellers.

Gennz · 27/03/2013 19:58

Hi Milkybar

Congratulations! Very exciting for you. I will go against the grain here and say I think spending a bit of coin on an engagement ring is worth it ... I am not particularly materialistic (I don't own any other jewellery at all really) but I was quite spoilt with my ring and I absolutely love it.

That said, do conisder involving your fiancee in the purchase. My DH proposed with a costume jewellery ring and then we went shopping for the engagement ring together. So you can have the romantic element of the proposal and then get something you know she'd like. (That way if she thinks 2000 quid is excessive she gets a chnace to tell you too!) It was fun (a bit daunting as I've never spent anything like that kind of money on jewellery before, and never will again) but nice to do it together. It is a decent wedge of money and I think it's sensible to make those decisions together once you've decided to get married.

Also another vote for antique rings - you can find something really lovely and they tend to be less expensive.

GiveMeSomeSpace · 27/03/2013 19:59

I can highly recommend GoldCoast in the lanes Brighton. The owner is brilliant and very very helpful. Check out the website. I've bought several times from him (not engagement rings!). He doesn't specialise in antiques, but will be able guide you very well.

InkySkink · 27/03/2013 20:00

My mother actually told me that part of the "bad luck" with opals is the fact that they are composed partly of water. Once they are out if the ground they begin to dry out and will eventually lose their sparkle and/or crack.

Congratulations.

ScentedNappyHag · 27/03/2013 20:01

Nothing of value to add about engagement rings, but you come across as lovely OP Smile good luck and congratulations.

Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 20:02

Mature, Givemesomespace thanks for the advice and tips on alternative stones, good food for thought.

Medium- I had started planning on doing it in Mexico in September. However my sisters wedding (to a wholly wrong man, but that's another thread!) is now possibly set for September so we may have to rearrange the holiday.

Any definite do's and don'ts for proposal time? I want to ask BOTH her parents permission as I think it's ridiculous to only consult her father. But I'm nagged by my feminist head into thinking that its ridiculous in this day and age to be asking anyone for "permission" to marry my wonderfully independent girlfriend.

OP posts:
CandyCrushed · 27/03/2013 20:02

What about buying a stone and proposing with the stone alone. She could then choose the design of the ring.

I would suggest reading up on how to buy diamonds and only buying a certificated diamond. I would only consider diamonds with a commonly recognised certificate.

TobyLerone · 27/03/2013 20:04

It is a ridiculous custom and I wouldn't have been best pleased if DH had thought it was a good idea.

However, some people like it. If you get on with her parents, perhaps you could ask them if theoretically they would think it was a good idea to officially ask them, when the time comes.

munchkinmaster · 27/03/2013 20:06

Leonardo at hatton garden is good and good value.

I have to say 2k for a piece of jewellery you love and will wear everyday is not too much (if you have the money).

I'd let her pick unless you are very confident. In the run up to dh's proposal (may as well have Had 'I'm going to propose' Written on his forehead for a month) I was very careful to casually mention the type of ring I liked.

scarlettsmummy2 · 27/03/2013 20:07

You also don't have to go for a diamond! I would also look at antique rings, my best friend got the most beautiful aqua marine, and another friend has a pearl and emerald ring!

Original poster
milkybar28 · 27/03/2013 20:07

Toby- I know exactly where that is! Very close to SheSaid where I've spent many an hour with the fiancée to be!

Gennz- that's why I'd considered buying just the actual stone/diamond and then designing it together.

Inky, Scented- thankyou both. I shall also be back on here in a number of years to ask for advice as to how to be the perfect father!

OP posts:
munchkinmaster · 27/03/2013 20:07

Oops it's Raphael

Got my painters/turtles confused.

HotCrossPun · 27/03/2013 20:09

Congratulations!

Love this thread, I have an excuse to look at engagement rings :)

Maybe DP will see the screen and take the hint Grin

ErikNorseman · 27/03/2013 20:10

Www.bethgilmour.com
She makes incredible and unique pieces but they aren't cheap. Tbh I have no idea what she would charge for a bespoke diamond ring but she does lots of them. To go back to your original question - that's loads. I'd rather (if anyone was ever likely to spend that kind of money on me!) a cheaper ring and a holiday to propose on :)

fishandlilacs · 27/03/2013 20:10

My advice, blow half the dosh on a swanky weekend in Birmingham and get thee to the jeweler quarter, you will find incredibly talented jewelers on every corner who will sit with you and design something bespoke to both your tastes-you may want to design the engagement ring and wedding band as a package as the two rings do not have to be a straight band and you may want them to nestle together.

My DH has great taste but I wanted control over my own ring