Leclerc - I completely believe you! What a FFW...just ew, ew, ewwwwwww!
So, I'm still fuming from last night and am wondering what to do about it...
Basically, recently we changed when FW was to be calling DS: now four nights a week at 8;30pm right before bed so he could have a quick 5 minutes saying goodnight (recently, FW had changed calling to one night only because DS "didn't seem to have much to say to him so he didn't see the point - yes, he did actually say that to ds) I was concerned that he wouldn't stick to the time and a quick 5 minutes would turn into 10-15 minutes so I explain that it would indeed have to be a quick 5 minutes since DS needs time to wind down in bed and debrief from the day and read stories etc; I also suggested that he sould keep his Monday calling time the same so he could have a much longer talk with DS if DS wanted to talk longer. The past 3 nights FW has called either 15 mintues early where DS was watching his favourite cartoon and FW said he either spoke to him now or after 8;45 (well into the time we should be in bed and reading stories). Last night when he called, after me emailing him to please please call on time he called 10 minutes late and then kept DS on phone for over 10 minutes even though DS kept saying I want to go now, it's my bed time. In that time FW brought up visitation with DS even though he has been instructed to speak with my solicitor, and asked him when he was free in June/July.I hadn't told DS about possible visitation because the last time it was arranged FW changed his mind last minute and DS was upset - I've decided it's best to not tell him about possible visitation until it's actually sorted through the courts.
I sent him an email telling him why it is not oconvenient for him to be calling late and reminding him of our agreement and suggesting we should change the times because obviously this time wasnt' working for him; this man is unemployed and I can't honestly see how anything would take priority over making sure he carries out contact on time (believe me when I say if he called on time and than I said we weren't ready or had been ready but now we're busy it most deffiantely would not go down well and it would be noted that I was being obstructive with contact) I also stated in my email that if he wanted to Skype I was fine with that but that wasn't in invitation for the OW (who he dumped us and left us with nothing for) and her children to come onto Skype - I feel it is a complete intrusion into our privacy (bearing in mind this man invited the three of them to come along to DS and DD's christening that we have arranged in November - no thought for us having to pay extrea for catering etc)
This is the email I got back from him:
Thank you for your email. While it would be a perfect scenario for my calls to be at the stroke of whatever time is predetermined, life does unfortunately have a way of interfering. When I called earlier on Thursday (14 March 2013) by 13 min, I stated when you answered the phone I would not be able to call at 8:30 pm (GMT) but it would have been around 8:45 pm (GMT), this too was inconvenient for your schedule. Unfortunately, an email was not going to suffice for an information delivery vehicle in a timely manner for the existing circumstance. Look, the fact is whenever it is agreed that I am allowed to call, there will be times that I may have to call earlier or later by 10 - 15 minutes. So let me know the precise time periods he is allowed to converse and I'll let you know if our schedules mesh. There's not really too much to add to that.
You stated on 28 Feb you needed a few days to get Skype sorted. Whatever needs to happen for this, ok. I am just asking DS if he is able to Skype; he's the one who said he couldn't and that I needed to speak to you about this. Whether you like it or not, OW and OW's kids are apart of my life and they very much care about and want to meet DS. Your discontent and/or unwillingness for DS to be involved with them, even via phone/Skype is at best irrational. DS is already aware of OW and OW's kids and he will have an extended family here in the US. I however am not aware of any complete strangers. I'll keep an eye out though so as they don't intrude.
Informing DS of my intention to visit him is in no way an arrangement endeavor. I have in fact contacted your solicitor per your request; however she is currently away on maternity leave. As you have previously stated, you yourself are pregnant and don't need the added stress. Please don't create something where there clearly is nothing.
So, am I being unreasonable? Is it unreasonable of me to expect him to call on time, not within a 30 minute window, given that he doesn't have any priorities that should be more important than our DS? Is it unreasonable for me to not want complete strangers peering into our house via Skype?
I did reply to the email asking him to give me times that were better to call...and telling him to stop discussing things with DS that haven't been previously agreed upon. I've had no reply as to when he is now intending to call...so I'm thinking of sending this...
Dear FW
I've not had communication from you when would be a better time for you to call. Please call from now on at 7.30PM on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Please do not be late. Any time that is more than 5 minutes before or after this time may not be convenient and DS may not be available. Please bear in mind that I consistently make sure DS is available at the previously agreed times - I do not expect you to call back later or miss a call because we have been unable to prioritise DS's needs to communicate with his non-resident parent at the previously agreed times and I respect that you have a life outside of DS. Please remember I am flexible and have been more than fair with you these past two years and I expect the same in return. Expecting us to be available for a 30 minute period for you to call is not fair, is not respectful and is not reasonable. You by your own admission are unemployed - what could possible be more important than you making sure you are available for contact at the previously agreed times?
What do you think, ladies?