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Original poster

Would you expect your DH to walk you home after an evening out?

211 replies

BerylStreep · 15/01/2013 09:13

Just been away with my DH and a group for a skiing holiday.

Others in the group are lovely, but very raucous and in to their partying in a big way! I just can't hack the pace. I'm happy to go out for a meal and a few drinks, but I don't have the stamina to party all night.

First night I ended up leaving the restaurant at 11.00pm, and my DH said he didn't want to go home & wanted to stay out, so I ended up walking the 20 min walk through the snow to the hotel on my own. I told him I was really unhappy at walking home on my own. DH phoned me about an hour later, and gave me a hard time for leaving early. He got back at about 2am and crashed drunkenly round the room, switching lights on. We discussed it the next day, and I told him how unhappy I was that I had been left to walk home on my own. He told me he thought I was being a misery guts.

The next night I told my DH in advance that I wouldn't be staying out super late, and would probably be leaving at around the same time. The restaurant was about 5-10 minutes away from the hotel this time. At about 10.30pm we had finished the meal about an hour beforehand, and people were still at the table, but just ordering more & more drink. We had met up for drinks at about 6.30pm, so had been out for 4 hours. I told DH that I was tired, and would probably be leaving in about 20 minutes. He said 'OK'. After 20 mins, I said I was ready to go home. He replied 'OK' then turned and started talking to the person next to him. I asked him was he not even going to walk me to the door, and he huffily got up and saw me to the door. Once there I told him that I couldn't believe he was once again happy for me to walk home on my own. I told him I couldn't make him walk me home, but that it was a measure of how much he cared about me, and he was making it crystal clear he didn't give a shit about whether I got home safely. I didn't expect him to stay at the hotel with me, and was happy for him to go back out again.

I started walking back on my own. He then went and grabbed his coat and walked me back, but complained the whole time that there were loads of people about and I would have been perfectly safe (although in fact we had to walk up deserted dark alleyways to get to the hotel). He then went back out & met up with the others arriving back at about 2am again.

So I can't work out if I am being precious and a misery guts, or whether my DH is giving me a clear message that he doesn't really give a shit about whether I get home safely, and would rather be partying. I asked my friend who was also with our group about what her DH would do, and she said he would definitely have walked her home, without being asked.

No flamings please, but what do you think?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 15/01/2013 09:19

No it wouldn't bother me at all. I am a grown woman, I am capable of walking 20 minutes on my own in the dark. I'd send a text to let him know I got back safely. Although it's hard to know - I don't know whether DP would have insisted on walking me back anyway. But I wouldn't expect him to.

Surely he'd then have to walk back to the group himself, alone? If it's unsafe for you why not unsafe for him?

DP would certainly not give me a hard time for coming home early or phone me half an hour after I had got back in case he woke me.

Flatbread · 15/01/2013 09:20

My dh would have walked me home, no question.

Your dh sounds like a selfish arse, sorry to say.

Flatbread · 15/01/2013 09:22

If it's unsafe for you why not unsafe for him?

Women do have a higher probability of being raped than men...

ShatnersBassoon · 15/01/2013 09:24

My DH would have walked me I think, but I wouldn't be upset if he didn't want to leave the party unless we were somewhere particularly insalubrious.

N0tinmylife · 15/01/2013 09:24

No, I wouldn't expect DH to walk me home. I am not sure what you think is likely to happen? Although it does sound like your DH was out of order giving you a hard time for going home early.

MrsBucketxx · 15/01/2013 09:25

Wouldn't bother me at all, I would be the one wanting to leave so I would walk on my own.

Maybe you shoukd have a nap before you go out so you can stay out with him.

TobyLerone · 15/01/2013 09:26

I wouldn't expect him to, and would say no if he suggested it, but he'd do it anyway.

Mind you, we're both as boring and unsociable as each other, so we'd both be leaving early! We don't even go to bed at different times, so the chances of one of us staying out without the other are slim to none.

BertieBotts · 15/01/2013 09:26

Yes and men have a higher probability of being mugged/attacked.

dequoisagitil · 15/01/2013 09:27

Are you sure you didn't mind him staying out? There was no part of you hoping he'd just stay at the hotel with you?

There's always going to be a bit of a mismatch when one of you is a party animal and the other is more of a sober-sides. He's obviously determined to have a good time, and sees you leaving as being a spoilsport. I think he's probably a bit of a selfish guy.

Booyhoo · 15/01/2013 09:27

taxi?

but anyway, why is he huffing about it? if you asked him to walk you home, he should be able to see that you would prefer the security of having him with you. we can be as feminist as we like but the facts are that as a lone female tourist you are more likely to be attacked than a male. it's fine to say you will text when you get in. intention isn't a guarantee that you will get in.

he sounds immature. does this surprise you? he is your husband, surely you know his personality by now?

TobyLerone · 15/01/2013 09:27

So basically, YABU for expecting him to walk you, but he sounds like an arse anyway.

Original poster
BerylStreep · 15/01/2013 09:27

Being very blunt, I was worried about being attacked / raped / sexually assaulted.

OP posts:
TheOneWithTheHair · 15/01/2013 09:27

I wouldn't expect dh to walk me home. I would text to say I was back safe though.

I think dh would offer but I honestly would refuse.

seeker · 15/01/2013 09:28

Not sure why you would need walking home unless it was a dangerous area, and if it was, weren't you worried about your dh walking back to the restaurant on his own?

However, my dp would have offered, and cheerfully walked me home if I wanted him to. But I probably wouldn't have wanted him to- I like doing things on my own and he knows it.

Why not get a taxi tonight?

AngryTrees · 15/01/2013 09:29

I think I'd be okay with walking home by myself. It would have been nice if he had offered. I think telling him that he doesn't give a shit about your safety just because he didn't jump up to walk with you to a hotel 5-10 minutes away was over the top.

BettySuarez · 15/01/2013 09:32

DH certainly wouldn't give me a hard time about needing to leave early but it might not occur to him to walk me back whereas I think most of my friends DH's probably would.

BertieBotts · 15/01/2013 09:33

I just asked DP. At first he said he'd come back so we could have sex. Then he said that I'm the most important thing to him so he'd always come back and make sure I was okay, unless it was about 2 minutes away or something. I still wouldn't expect him to, but if he wants to, that's fine by me.

Do you know that the chance of being raped by a stranger is tiny?

AbigailAdams · 15/01/2013 09:34

If I had wanted him to walk me home he would have, without moaning. (vice versa too). Because that is what people in a relationship do. They support the other if they are feeling a bit scared/unsure/anxious. They don't mock/moan/call the other person names. That shows a lack of respect.

BettySuarez · 15/01/2013 09:35

I think if you have that level of concern for your personal safety then what steps have you taken to minimise the risk?

Self Defence course perhaps?

Or do you think that your safety is the sole responsibility of your DH?

FestiveWench · 15/01/2013 09:35

Dh would offer.

I would refuse.

IMO his chances of being mugged on way back are similar to my chances of being attacked on the way home. But both are so unlikely that I wouldn't stress.
Unless I was in a high risk area, then I'd get a taxi.

Original poster
BerylStreep · 15/01/2013 09:36

I honestly didn't mind him partying, although it does piss me off if I am woken when he comes in, and then again when he inevitably vomits.

I would have loved a nap before going out, but no time. Even at that, I wouldn't have wanted to stay out super late anyway - we only had 2 days skiing, so I didn't really want to spend them with a hangover.

We normally go skiing just the 2 of us & the DC, rather than with a group, and both of us would be early to bed the night before to make the best of the snow - in fact if anything, he would be the one pushing to get an early night, so yes, I supposed I was a bit surprised that he was busy knocking back shots, but that's not what I minded about.

Booyhoo yes, I suppose I shouldn't be overly surprised. Although generally lovely, he can be a selfish arse at times.

OP posts:
FestiveWench · 15/01/2013 09:36

But your DH was being an arse.

LineRunner · 15/01/2013 09:36

How did they all get up early to ski if they were pissed at 2am?!

HeathRobinson · 15/01/2013 09:38

Dh would be happy to walk me back.

N0tinmylife · 15/01/2013 09:38

I thought statistically men were more likely to be assaulted than women? As someone else said, the risk of stranger rape is tiny.

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