His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

BBB, I think you're supposed to actually put it on your eyes though, not eat it!

Bewitched eating or wearing? Any good for massive black sacks in the under-eye department store

Bogey ponders how long Chutneytwunt chutney would have to mature.....

bogeyface - it's probably your chutney I've got in the fridge then. It was an unwanted xmas present that was passed on...

Honestly, it's lovely

Been away for a while, but the only acceptable jam is strawberry. All others are very wrong indeed.

Don't even get me started on marmalade.

and whether burying it under the patio would speed up the process....

Aaaand we're on the last page! Good work Chutney Clubbers!

Obv. as compresses, haven't tried it yet.

Rhubarb and ginger preserve - my secret vice.

Lou - sorry we've had to do this. Take care.

NorthCountry

I worked really hard on that!

YOu fucking chutney hating BITCH!!!!!!!! BRING IT ON!!!

Gooseberry jam is the nuts. Homemade by my mummy & smuggled out past my dad who guards his stash jealously in order that it lasts for as long as possible obviously

Jam's not really chutney though is it? Unless it's mango flavoured.

Ill see your sandwich spread and raise you 'Toast Toppers' if we are talking dirty secrets!

Chutney is a funny thing on that we're all agreed,

'Tis made of lots of yukky things,mixed up with fruit & seed,

And yet when thickly spread upon your fav'rite cheese or meat,

It transforms into nectar, a really special treat.

I really hope Lou doesn't think this is crappy. It was supposed to negate the earlier crappiness (understatement).

Toast Topper are uber goppin'!

< 13 to go

Mushroom and cheese toast toppers - yum!

My apologies for the crapness of my Brussels Sprouts habit, but thanks for the sweet chilli sauce idea, Betwitched. H F-W has a good recipe in the veg book.

Strawberry Jam is jam, all other flavours are manifestations of pure evil.

No. Honestly. It's great. Home made labels and all. So much better than shop bought clean chutney.

Maybe someone could send her a PM suggesting that she start a new thread and not tackle this one until she's feeling up to it? (Or, indeed, never.)

Monster munch

Quavers