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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In shock

211 replies

stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 00:30

Found out tonight that my DP of over three years bought a house with and has been living with another woman since Feb.They have been together for two years.

I only found out through my mum talking to her colleague and it turns out she knows DP.

He has been leading a double life. To split the time between us he has used his DF's cancer, his asthma, training courses, and his MH issues as excuses for why he needed to be away from home.

I am nearly 35, we had planned on having a family. However, our sex life was dire due to his MH which I was supporting him with.

I feel shell shocked and humiliated :-(

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 15/08/2012 00:35

OMG :( that is awful. I really have no advice. Just couldnt read and run.

Have you confronted him? What did he say?

NatashaBee · 15/08/2012 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyizin · 15/08/2012 00:37

Jeez it's no wonder you feel shellshocked and humiliated, honey.

This is the stuff of the now extinct Screws of the World.

Thank god you didn't try to conceive with this lowlife twunt.

Have you been living with him too, albeit part-time?

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2012 00:38

Oh god how awful. Does he know you know? Must have been a hell of a shock for your mum when she found out.

You have had SUCH a narrow escape, OP.

Was he living with you, too? If not, where did you think he was living and did you go there?

tuckingfits · 15/08/2012 00:39

How horrendous. You poor thing. I can't imagine how awful you feel. Thinking of you..for all the use that is to you.

solidgoldbrass · 15/08/2012 00:40

Bloody hell, how horrible for you. What's the situation with your home, does he have a financial stake in it, or is it all yours? You might need to get some legal advice tomorrow.

FellatioNelson · 15/08/2012 00:41

Does the other woman know? I think you should meet her. It's important that he is not given the chance to fob her off with some story about you being an ex that wouldn't go away. What kind of MH issues does he have? Seriously narcissistic/fantasist/sociopathic ones by the sounds of things.

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 00:45

He knows I know.

Mum and Dad came and confronted him. Was awful.

We were living together - he moved into my place.

The lies he has told just run on and on. He is terrified I will tell OW who knows nothing. I am going to of course.

He even grabbed my phone, locked himself in bathroom and deleted all texts from him - cos they said I love you etc - and will incriminate him.

Any ideas as to whether I could retrieve those?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2012 00:47

You don't need to retrieve them, OP. The fact is he's living with you both - once she knows that, she'd be a fool to keep him.

What an awful shock it must be. Did you suspect anything or did this come out of the blue? Did you know before your mum confronted him?

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 00:48

I can't stop shaking.

It feels so surreal.

I had managed to pick myself up from having my heart broken five years ago when I was thirty. Met DP just over three years ago. Now this :-(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2012 00:48

So do you think he weighed it up quickly, realised he'd lost you and thought if she saw the texts, he'd lose her?

Scarredbutnotbroken · 15/08/2012 00:50

What a fool he is - he has reason to be scared! Tell her and don't look back x

skyebluesapphire · 15/08/2012 00:51

Christ , how awful for you. what sort of phone do you have? I know its possible on iphones etc if its been backed up regularly.....

I cant believe this is yet another thread about a twunt of unbelievable twattishness. how many of them are there out there?

Im so sorry you are going through this. Keep posting and you will get some great support on here.

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 00:53

He must have been spinning her the same yarns he spun me - the penny will drop when I tell her.

He asked me not to ruin it for him :-( then issued a threat re taking me for half my house (he couldn't of course but was panicking and verbally lashing out).

Major punch in gut that his immediate reaction was to protect what he had with her - while I sat there watching my life go down the plughole.

We had a fortnight's holiday booked for next week.

He has been wracked with problems over the past two years and I have gone above and beyond to support him.

What a mug :-(

OP posts:
izzyizin · 15/08/2012 00:56

There's a techie section with some damn fine geeks professionals somewhere on this site.

Did your folks toss him out? Has he slunk off to his ow?

I don't know where these twunts are being churned out but, wherever it is, I'd like to put a very big spanner in the factory works.

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 00:57

I have a Samsung Galaxy.

Everything makes sense now. I can't believe I missed what was staring me in the face all along - but the MH issues and his DF's cancer threw me.

I am gutted he has wasted three years of my life :'(

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 15/08/2012 00:58

I know how you feel. I supported my H emotionally, financially, took care of everything, then got accused of being controlling, organising his entire life, then he formed an emotional attachment to his best mates wife and announced that he didnt love me any more and walked out.

Dont worry about idle threats, get yourself some good legal advice as soon as you can.

Look after yourself. I would tell her if it was me.

izzyizin · 15/08/2012 00:59

He asked you not to ruin it for him? Shock

And threatened to take half your house? What, on his back like a snail? Hmm

What fucking planet is he on?

izzyizin · 15/08/2012 01:01

Don't be too gutted, honey. Just thank whatever divine providence has stopped him wasting the next umpteen years of your life and that you didn't ttc with him because his genes are definitely tainted.

ShesADreamer · 15/08/2012 01:02

You are not a mug. You're the normal one! There's no way we could live our lives on the lookout for this level of deceit - you'd never trust anyone.

So sorry this has happened to you, it must be absolutely devastating.
Please don't think that you are gullible or stupid because of this flabbergasting level of arseholery. It is him that is the abnormal one, not you.

Thank goodness you found out before DCs or any legal rights to your property.
I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you've had a really lucky escape.

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 01:04

He has never paid a penny into the house - just bought food shopping. Because he was paying a fucking mortgage with someone else struggling with debt he had accumulated from compulsive spending.

I also found out she sold her house, moved in with him and his parents for a few months til their new house was ready. And they have a cat together which fucking hurts because our lovely mog died a few weeks back and we were heartbroken.

OP posts:
AlfalfaMum · 15/08/2012 01:07

What an utter wankstain he is!
Thank fuck you found out, imagine if you'd had children with this poxy excuse for a man?

You mention you've been helping him with various 'problems' over the last two years: has he been taking money from you?

izzyizin · 15/08/2012 01:07

We get to read some truly shocking tales on this board but this has got to be a bumper year for horror stories.

There must be, what, several hundred vying for the title of Twunt of the Year, another hundred or so vying for Violent Twunt of the Year, and a further 50 or so vying for Callous Twunt of the Year.

No shortage of candidates here and I'd like to brain crown the lot of them Angry

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 15/08/2012 01:07

Just to be clear, he says his parents thought we were finished. I thought I couldn't see them because he said his DF was too ill and didn't want me to see him like that.

I had sent his DM a few texts though - just 'hope you are ok, pop round for a coffee sometime etc'

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 15/08/2012 01:08

Did his parents not know about you then? or did they just go along with it?

I dont see how he could claim on your house if he has never paid into it. My STBXH lived with me for 3 years in MY house and he paid half of all the utilities and never paid anything towards the mortgage. I made sure of that as it was MY house not his.

Can you prove the amount that he pays you? Is it by standing order or by cash?

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