WWYD DH lending money again

[KatieMorag]

Dh has a long hiistory of lending our money to mostly family and friends without agreeing this with me first. Sometimes it gets paid back , sometimes not. We've had many many rows about this. He promises faithfully that he won't do it again. Then he does

Usually he lends money to his family. I don't mind if (a) we can afford it ( b) we get it back and ( c) we agree it between us. Sometimes we give money to family too, on the same conditions. This is because we are fortunate to be better off than most of our siblings.

About 10 years ago he borrowed £10,000 to lend to his sister. She never repaid it and it took us years to pay off the loan.

Last year he gave her £1,000 because she said she was in debt and couldn't pay her bills. She then took the money and went to Australia for a months holiday.

Earlier this year he lent a large sum of money to a colleague. By large I mean what I earn in a year. Today I discovered by accident that he's now lent this person another £10k.

I am so angry and Upset I can't even talk to him. It's not just the money, it's the lies , the deception and the broken promises. I don't know what to do.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

I wouldn't make any decisions about the business until you've had a few more relate sessions. If you are going to leave him, selling the business would be the cleanest way of doing that.

[CinnabarRed]

Very pleased to hear that you got the 50:50 shareholding back!

If you're willing to PM me the approximate value of your company I can PM back my opinion on what size of accountancy firm would be about right to advise you.

FWIW, I work for one of the Big 4 and our Corporate Finance team certainly works on deals valued in the low £10s of millions. So a mid tier firm may well suit you depending on your size. You know from my earlier posts that I think you've already well outgrown your accountants, so now might be an excellent time to switch. A mid tier firm (or at least one bigger than your current accountants) would also be better placed to give you investment advice about what to do with the sales proceeds.

[ChitchatAtHome]

Cinnebar is right, what a brilliant time (and excuse) for changing your accountant!!

[CinnabarRed]

I'm always right

[HansieMom]

How about getting your loan repaid from employee before any sale takes place?

[fiventhree]

Also, it may be a wider issue than money eg lifestyle change etc, if you had no mortgage. Only you two can decide those things.

Which brings me to another point- what would be the implications of any offer for you personally (taking into account your age etc), if you and dh eventually split for any reason? eg would you still be able to find a well paid and flexible job, or would you not need one?

So the issues are about money/the deal itself, risk as the market changes (eg you many lose your competitive edge as others mature in a competitive market place ), lifestyle and also personal future security.

[KatieMorag]

Fivemthree, if we sold the co Dh woudl have to stay for a while, maybe 3 years as part of the deal, as he makes a lot of our profit. I wouldn't want to stay on and wouldn't need to. Selling the business is part of our retirement plan. We could live off the proceeds . That's why it was so important for me to get my share back, so I woulndt be financially dependent on him after a split.

But I do want to make our marriage work, if at all possible

[blackcurrants]

Katie I've read this thread in increasing shock - I've nothing much to add because I know nothing about your situation and have no experience of it, but just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling alright after the shock of it all, and are taking care of yourself.

[Technoviking]

Sounds like he values other people above you. If he's been like this for a long time, it's unlikely he'll change, or see the real need to.

[SuePurblybilt]

Me too . You're very strong.
I think employee sounds as if he would be the baddie, if this were made up IYSWIM. And I'm not sure how his repayments would work, if you sold? So based on no knowledge whatsoever, I think you'd be well to be cautious.

[plutocrap]

That's an interesting update. I lurked before but didn't have any accountancy knowledge to offer.

However, at this moment, a very important point to considrr is ehat he might do with such a lump sum. If your counselling (joint) is only just getting off te ground, and you haven't mentioned individual counselling for him, it seems like the wrong time for him to "get his hands on" some money, especially "untied" money. After all, embezzlement didn't wirry him before; he could be even laxer about "personal" money. It's too soon for him (and you) to risk that kind of crisis.

I totally agree with other points raised, too!

[chasingtail]

My God OP, have just read through this whole saga & my heart goes out to you!

My situation pales into insignificance compared to yours but similar in that my husband is I believe, about to give lend a reasonable amount of money to waster BIL. Thank God at least I know of his intentions but what really hurts the most is despite me being adament that we shouldn't give the money (can in no way afford to give or lend it) he is still wanting to go ahead. It's the disloyalty to me and our family that really hurts & the total disregard to my feelings.

Similarly he's from a pretty fucked up family & seems to have an almost pathalogical need to 'help' people who won't/can't help themselves.

Alarm bells ringing as we also have our own business albeit with another equal share partner. My worry now is that he will somehow syphon money off from the business to give to DB.

I don't have any words of wisdon, but you sound like a very wise, intelligent woman who amazingly, has managed to stay rational in all this mess.