The thread in which we all pray Johnny depp has signed up to POF - DATING THREAD 17!

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Here we go again....

I have checked with Mr Shy if he had got my last message and it seems that he didn't receive it.

It's a good thing I usually give people second chances and the benefit of the doubt at least once. :)

I now have his.

We all want to show our best side!!! I am off to bed now. Get some sleep me thinks. I need it, going out monday, mate over some point next week, seeing my former FWB as well at some point and decorating, blood tests, oh looks like i will have my feet up all week then.....or so my sister seems to assume!!! Yeah come on swap places, guarantee she wouldnt manage it!

Well I got the inevitable e-mail from handsome architect. He said that although he did feel strange about us sleeping together as that's not something he does usually (prefers to get to know people slowly), that was not enough of a reason not to pursue things.

However, there were some things that had been playing on his mind. I had told him honestly that I did not want any more children and he thought he was fine with that, but in fact it turns out he feels he does not want the possibility closed off to him forever. Also the distance. He said he was looking to spend lots of time with someone and that he didn't like living alone. I would only be able to see him sporadically so...

He said he thought I was lovely, very attractive, intelligent and interesting and so it wasn't a decision he was taking lightly, but he thought it was for the best.

My sense of disappointment has been way out of proportion to the amount of time we spent together. I think I was just so excited to have finally found someone I thought there was some potential with, I got a bit ahead of myself. Wish I hadn't slept with him now. I feel really shitty

Oh Fuckit that's a shame :( There are so few decent men out there it's hard to suppress that excitement when you finally meet one. I know it gets me every time.

I suppose trying to find a positive at least you did get what sounds like an honest and frank explanation, and you know it's nothing you did or didn't do (not that it would be, but I know I always question myself when things dont work out) just that you were both looking for different things. It still hurts though.

I'm so sorry to hear about the architect and how disappointed you're feeling. I think it's so easy to start feeling optimistic about these things and then feel a real sense of sadness when it doesn't work.

Last year I met someone, went on 3 dates with him, and was really starting to like him and hoped he felt the same way - then he e-mailed to say he'd met someone else on the same site and had started seeing her. I felt really gutted.

Try to take some positives from it - he clearly liked you and found you attractive, interesting, etc - though I know it's hard.

Meanwhile, I'm giving internet dating another go - and am already disillusioned by it. This sounds awful, but I can hardly find anyone I fancy! Now I'm well aware that I'm not great looking myself, and I'm not looking for Johnny Depp, but ... you have to fancy someone a bit, don't you? There are lots of attractive men in their 30s on the site, but very few over 45. I don't even tend to go for traditionally handsome men - I prefer the 'nice', maybe slightly geeky types. But there don't seem to be any of those either - and the few that there are don't seem to be interested in me. Aaaagh!

sorry to hear you feel rubbish Fuckit it sounds as if he's looking for something serious and long term, so makes sense from his point of view not to pursue things.
You weren't to know, these things are never predictable, feelings are rarely rational, and we all do things we wish we hadnt when it comes to sex.

A bit of time will take the sting out of it...you'll be ok:)

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions - yes, I feel ancient most of the time (at 52) and expect the guys I meet to look youthful and wonderful and of course they dont ... I ended up taking a few photos in a rush and the flash going off in the mirror was very impressive! So two were Ok, I sent them to him and he's been making me blush ridiculously ever since! Apparently I'm elegant and look like the statue of liberty - a step too far methinks! lol

Fuckit thats such a shame when it looked so good - I was in the same boat a month or so ago, got on like a house on fire til he admitted he was married! The divorce proceedings were fictitious... I shouldn't be as upset as I am over it, it was relatively short-term but there was a real connection ... still have to stop myself sending a text in a moment of weakness. The good thing is your guy was honest about it (seem to be few and far between ime) and you were open about what you wanted (of course). Best wishes.

I agree, raskolnikov.

At least he ended it sooner rather than later.

AndLibby, I'm not sure about evaluating looks from looking at photos. There are so many things that we get in person that are not apparent through a photo.
I have fancied guys that I might not be attracted to if I had only seen a photo.

Lueji, I totally agree with you. The problem is, how can I work out which of them I might be attracted to in real life?

Also, it's happened to me a lot before - I tend to message and meet up with men who sound nice and who I have something in common with. The dates often go well, but the same thing keeps happening again and again: I like the man but don't fancy him. So this time I was trying to do something different and only get in touch with men I felt physically attracted to.

Libby, It's bloody hard, I don't think there is any way of telling until you meet, not really, chemistry is about so much more than just looks or just personality.

Sponge, sorry he was Ill. Have you rearranged?

Fuckit, sorry, we all know what it feels like..... Don't feel bad...

Had another lovely weekend. Really lovely :)
I'm Seeing him next weekend, mum had offered to babysit but I was thinking about not taking her up on it and also I have plans Sunday, but then he looked sad when I said it might be difficult, he Said he understood, but it would be rubbish not to see me .... So ive taken the babysitting offer :)
We also have plans for the next month Or so, so???!!!!!
And shit, I have to say I do like walking round shops and stuff hand in hand/ arms round each other/ stealing kisses. Its bloody lovely..

Oh, and, during the most amazing cuddle, he stroked my face and kissed my forehead.... So I'm officially swooning.

ah watch it's nice that you're swooning! :)

I havent rearranged date as such cos of him being ill, we've left it that he'll let me know once he's feeling better & go from there, he reckoned it would take a few days for tablets to have an effect etc. So should hear from him by Weds I'd have thought. Fingers crossed & so on...

He text me this evening to say he feels terrible & is currently surviving on ice lollys...

I have of course been suitably sympathetic, and am quite to have heard from him. I'm so easily pleased!

fuckit i am sorry it didnt become more, but at least you know why, rather than just be ignored.

watch its good for you to be swooning, glad you are happy.
sponge hopefully he feels better soon and can take you out.

I have a little dilema, seeing someone tomorrow lunch time, which will be nice and all looking forwards to my BIG date tuesday, when my former fwb messaged me asking how i was etc, going to see him tomorrow, and then says he misses me and our cuddles, so i messaged back me too etc, cos i do, knowing he has a girlfriend, then he messages he has strong feelings for me and loves me, i messaged back that i love him too, then erm he messaged me to saying he wants me back for good and then he messaged saying he loves me so so much and wants to be with me, two weeks ago, i would have jumped into his arms, but he has a girlfriend and says he "likes" her, but has very strong feelings for me. I mean what do i do??

Tomorrow lunchtime i am still going, as i am tuesday morning. Dont know how to feel now, we could end up together, seeing him might make me realise. Ahh a mess, i mean tomorrows date was arranged by friends and tuesday i have been talking to for about 2 months. Yes, that long, non stop as well, sounds reall nice, lives localish, knows all the places i know etc etc. HELP!!

What to do?

When in doubt, go with the flow

No need to close any options off prematurely when natural wastage will inevitably lead to some falling by the wayside.

Play it by ear. See them all and see how it goes...

Like that, see them all, that was my plan, dont want to hurt my former FWB though.

Presumably your former fwb had opportunity to declare himself before?

Do you have any reason to suppose he may be one of those who doesn't want what he's got when he's got it, but wants it if it looks like someone else might get it?

I'd be a tad wary of a guy who declared himself while he's got a current gf. Bets and hedging comes to mind

In any event, I don't see any reason why you should alter your plans for the week - the dating game can be feast or famine and you're best advised to make the most of any banquets that come along.

And there's a lot to be said for treating 'em mean and keeping 'em keen

I'd be careful MLM. If he is so much in love with you then why does he not end his current relationship?

Have a think about how he's treating his girlfriend and ask yourself if you want to be with someone like that. He could well be lining you up to be the OW.

He's not exactly doing the decent thing is he? If he seriously wants to be with you then he needs to leave his partner and be single for a while to get his head together. Then he can ask you out and take it from there.

Maybe he's the rubber ball type. Not getting on too well with current gf, bounces back to you. Another attractive proposition comes into view, bounces off to her... and so on.

sponge - i think its a really good sign hes still in contact :) sure the second date will happen soon.

MLM - you do know its all likely to be bollocks, dont you. You didnt know him long, its hardly likely he is ' in love with you' and he has a gf. So is treating her terribly. hes most likely saying all that to sweeten you up prior to meeting so you will have sex with him. I woiuld just delete and ignore, there is no need for it to be any drama. Have fun on your other dates, what happened to that date you went on when i was away, the one where you had to get a train?

Still on a high from the weekend :) next seeing him thur evening, going out for dinner.....
He knows DD is at her dads for 3 weeks in 2 weeks time as well, so we kind of talked about him being able to stay over week days nights and things, and stuff like that... and how nice it will be to have enough time, because the weekend seems to go to quickly and there doesnt seem to be enough time to do everything.

I am marking. But not terribly effectively as Mr Nice is on his way back up North from down South and is coming straight here for a hour or so before I have to get children from school. And as we haven't seen each other for a week I am a little excited .

I MUST MARK MORE EXAM PAPERS and then wash my hair and shave my armpits

Miranda - if there was a ' like' on MN, i would be ' liking' that.
:)

Miranda -have fun.
hope u all doing well,not been here for a while.
I FEEL SO SICK AND TERRIBLE -been sexting this guy for a while so we decided to make it happen for real,couldnt get babysitter so invited him to mine when kids were in bed.I was looking forward to this n he said he was but he came with nerves,sweating ang weird,kept going to the toilet,etc.For an hour he tried but couldnt have an errection so we decided to call it a nite.He msg to say he had taken coke b4 the date hence his behaviour and he was sorry.I feel so terrible that he may have even done coke in my house.I FEEL SICK.He wants to see me again but is a no no no.

what a horrid experience and what a jerk he is:(
( coke often has a strong laxative effect)
he really is utterly out of order!!
I agree, tell him you dont want to see himagain and then cut him off completely...what a stupid bastard:(