Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

DD2's job hunting now as well her plans are get a job pay me back go to Dumfries for youthbeatz I'll be taking her down then she has aload of gigs she wants to go to she should enjoy being a youngster like her sister did before settling down.

Haha :o mine's going to that and wickerman.

If I didn't say before the girl has admitted she attacked ds and why, thinking he was laughing at her. Her behaviour is exactly the same as the guy she was abused by so desperately needs help. I feel like I've dropped the ball and failed them both :(

This business thing is a fun one and holiday based, better than moping round the house all summer.

Where's wickerman x

She went to youthbeatz last year.

Wickerman is at Dundrennan, mines not going to youthbeatz, clashes with a gig his got.

His bruises are awful, can't look at them, and he jumped a mile when I touched his hand :(

I'm fine just been out for a while with DH and DS. Weather here is lovely today.

Your poor DS, Natural, I would definitely think he should stay away from her, she sounds volatile and dangerous. She might have had a tough time but that doesn't excuse hurting someone.

He's being talking about her verbal behaviour, this is the root of all the "I don't want to go see her but I do want to go see her"

:( :( :(

He's gone to bed, basically he's been bullied and not reacted as he would in other situations as she's his friend.

Glad you have lovely weather, it can make all the difference :)

Just back what a waste of a day could of done my garden and had washing dried bloody cleared up it did. Sat on a picnic bench in services on my tod could of done without this his attitude is get me out the house.

Hi how is everyone today? We're having a quiet day today.

I'm away until Tuesday so I'd appreciate if you guys could keep the thread going while I'm gone?

I'll be around Cailin, hope others are and are ok?

Have a good weekend, it's full moon atm so I'm hoping for clear skies to get out to see it.

Ds's friend has sought help :( and been honest about everything so they're pushing through the services for her. Really sad atm but so glad it's being tackled.

That's good news Natural.

How are you?

I'm here just been to get DS's birthday present came back and done the lawn just in time as well. Keep falling apart again ATM don't know what the hell's wrong with me.

Good that your DS's friend is seeking help Natural x

Cailin, I feel like I'm paddling with no legs atm. How are you?

Dotty, glad you got the lawn done, what's troubling you?

Seriously no idea keep worrying I'm offending people when I'm not sent a message to said person and I hadn't but she sent such a lovely reply I broke down again spent yesterday on the bench balling my eyes out as well. Gone gfrom always being so together to this can't deal with it hate being out of control jumping alot again as well.

Need to go back out once I've had my coffee forgot my meds idiot

I always feel like I'm offending people, I really struggle with it and have to ask ds what people mean when they've said such and such as I think it means I've offended them. I haven't usually, it's usually just the person expressing a negative emotion about something entirely unrelated to me.

It's so frustrating though as I feel locked in this hell of fear/insecurity/negativity and would prefer to comfort/support someone.

I'm doing fine at the moment thanks Natural. I think given how your family treated you it's not surprising that you wonder about offending people. FWIW your posts on here have always been well thought out and helpful as far as I'm concerned :)

Off anywhere nice Cailin, I have a million things to do thanks to being made to go out for practically 2 full days by DH this week.

Promised wee yin I'll take her out next week before I abandon her for 2 weeks so that leaves the weekend and 3 days to do everything before we go to dartmoor.

Hi all,

I hope you have a lovely holiday Cailin.
NN i agree with Calin, you are always so helpful, your posts come across as wise and caring.
Dotty, I'm sorry things are so difficult for you, I think it's ok to be emotional, years of holding all these in, now it's all at the surface, it's hard to hold it in. More counselling Monday?

I saw my counsellor today, we talked through the r when I was 17 and I felt so detached talking about it. He said I am numb, after years of burying it, I've become detached from it.
He thinks I need to process it. I don't know how, I don't know to not be numb, I don't want to hurt, but I want to move forward. The numbness when I talk about it is unsettling.
I went swimming right after, to kinda relax myself and normally I'd try to push away these thoughts, but once I was calm, I allowed myself to think and feel and I noticed this dull ache inside when I thought about the r and what I had told him.

Natural, I feel the same. I have just finished reading cat's eye. I wonder if it is a feature of my upbringing - being trained to believe I am bad and wrong and other people are not trustworthy.

I often feel people are laughing at me behind my back.

Have a nice holiday cailin, don't worry about the thread!

Not caught up yet.

Dotty, I hope you both have a nice day out together

Chips, I often feel numb talking about stuff, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. How do you feel now?

Offred, I've never thought people are laughing at me but I did think people wanted me dead because I knew too much and that the tv was giving me orders to do it

Ds friend has been through a lot this kind of stuff my heart is breaking atm, I just hope she gets the help she needs

Thanks for the kind words, I'll say them back to you all

Offred I think that if people are laughing that there laughing at me, paranoid of being watched as well. I remembered today one of the possible reasons I'm always apologising its like a reflex response now, as a kid if anything happened ever first response would be to apologise self preservation whether at fault or not.

Chips no not Monday Tuesday because she has someone at that time monday who she sees fortnightly and she wants to see me weekly only charging minimum amount without checking my finances as she doesn't want me to worry about it, can't believe how nice she's being.

Dotty, I do the apologising thing a lot, even if it's someone else who has done something wrong. I always take the blame, t'is rather annoying.