Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

DS is gone for a nap now so just having a chill. The weather has cleared up a bit so I think we'll head out to the park later.

How are you feeling chips?

What's the verdict on going to Edinburgh dotty?

He's changed his mind told him I hate Edinburgh now centre he wanted to go to was near where I gave my interview stupid I know for feeling this way, he's decided to go to wait for it...................................... Morecambe theres a taxi centre there but its a run out

Other ears playing up now will try the er spray for a couple of days see if it clears

Grounding techniques are there to help you feel safe during a flashback, I get terrified but grounding myself allows me to calm down enough to process them, which is the best way to stop them. Flashbacks are you processing the memories of things you weren't able to deal with at the time because you were having to survive them. Grounding is just reminding yourself you are safe now. Cailin, it sounds like you are doing that.

Hope everyones ok today.

Dotty, couldn't he go to glasgow?

Have nc'd Paranoid heaven.

Hi Natural :) How are you today?

Too busy for me he wants to take meout as well not been there together since DS was about 4 weeks old I'd just started working went to frontierland with DD1 its all gone now will make a change 'he's driving anyway' its also his way to stop me doing stuff in the house, he's a man thinks its alright but I want to do all rooms before we go away.

Frontierland burnt down used to go there as a kid

All over the place today, don't feel grounded yet don't feel bad, brains just not connected. Had to take a load of meds on saturday so probably just getting them out my system

Stuff on the news is upsetting me, bad memory/evil city stuff as this has been going on for years and no one did anything, ss, education system were all aware of my issues and did fuck all

Wish my brain could help me out sometimes rather than working against me

Sorry your having a tough day was in bits before thought I'd hurt someones feelings but I hadn't, not had tv on. Frontierland went downhill fast pleasurebeach took it over wonder if it was 'an insurance job' [cynic]

How do you know when it's a flashback and when it's just a memory? I guess the way you react? There are times that it feels like a panic attack while I'm remembering. Other times it's a sudden memory and I feel bad, but not panicked.

I'm fairly used to them tbh, I can stop those that seem to be induced by stress, but since I said out loud what happened, they seem to be happening a lot.

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling that great NN, hopefully the meds will leave your system soon

With a flashback you feel the same feelings that you did when the thing you're remembering actually happened - it's like experiencing it again. Often it's very hard to come out of a flashback, it's not like a memory where you can just blink and put it away, it's like you become immersed in it. At my worst when I had flashbacks I would curl up in a ball and become incoherent. On one level I would be aware of what was happening but I wouldn't be able to stop it. I know it could be quite scary for other people to see (one friend and my DH saw it). I rarely if ever get like that any more, I now just sort of go quiet, close my eyes and ride it out.

Chips Flashbacks to me are images I see memories are just that I have snippets of both my answer is 'to run' probably wrong but I feel safe in the car. Still have nightmares/bad dreams majority for me surrounf death and children its bizarre.

Natural it was a friend I just take everything to heart atm could be cause I was at first session yesterday don't know.

Beginning to realize that I miss my old friends only realized that it was 6 years ago since I stopped really seeing them when my dad got sick and he came back on the scene screwed up bigtime again.

Counseller has already uncovered some of the triggers as well.

Cailin you say its like your back there at the beginning I felt excruiiating physical pain when DH and I where being intimate [never told him] might ask my counseller about that she mentioned smells etc wondering if pain can be a flashback.

Smells can trigger, words, sights.

I often get the need to run but play dead, iyswim.

Can't talk, sorry, am here listening.

Ok, thanks. Yes to flashbacks then, and dreams are the same, I wake thinking I'm actually there.. During flashbacks i feel like I have tunnel vision, like I'm aware I'm still "here" but I can see, smell, feel the past like it's happening and I panic like it's happening, or freeze like I did then.

It sounds like you had a rough weekend NN.

I get the tunnel thing too, it's like I've zoomed to watching a film I'm also the main character in.

I'm not here usually, it's the film character who is here and going through the memory. I get an immense panic but can't react to it.

The grounding techniques help the part of you watching, you can remind yourself you are safe and allow the flashback to play out, even if it's just a scene at a time.

This day can't end soon enough. It's been clear for a while so I got DS all ready to go out to the park, and just as I opened the door it started pissing down again :( He doesn't quite understand the whole not going out in the rain thing so as I was closing the door he got hysterical and was shouting "Park! Park!" poor thing. He screamed his head off, couldn't understand why I'd got him all ready and then just loaded him out of the buggy. I would just take him out anyway only the park is ancient and muddy and quite dangerous when it's raining. I felt so guilty that he's now eating an icecream and is happy as larry. Blagh I bloody hate days like this.

That's awful, hope he stays happy, nothing worse than them getting excited then having to change plans.

Staying in all day with them isn't fun either only thing I can suggest would be swimming, cafe or indoor play centre, but that's useless if there's none nearby.

Nothing nearby unfortunately. TBH I'm bloody sick of not having a car, in weather like this I really miss having one.

Life is definately easier with a car, I wish I could drive but am still having "gone" moments cycling so would be lethal behind a wheel.

Could you plan a day out somewhere tomorrow? Is there a bus to a sea life centre or something?

Change of plan yet again on way to Nescasle he couldn't find the dealers site so said Carlilse then realised the car they have isn't powerful enough bored.com need to be busy not sat on my fat arse.

I'm seriously bored too dotty. We dashed out to the park for a while in between showers so at least we got out of the house, even if it was for only 10 minutes. I sometimes wonder if I'm cut out to be a SAHM. But then I have been up with DS for nearly 11 hours already so it's hardly any wonder I'm starting to go out of my mind. Rainy days indoors seriously suck.

We're off out to meet a friend for coffee tomorrow morning so Natural so at least we won't be stuck in. The only thing about that friend is that she is always always late, last time she was nearly half an hour late and it annoys me so much. She is a lovely person but I find the lateness incredibly rude.

I had a department boss like that once, annoying but the excuses were funny.

Dotty, sitting around is boring too, hope he decides soon.

We were supposed to have sunshine now but it's still grey, albeit with some blue tinged clouds.

Fed up today.

Oh I'm in the car still fricking bored though even if I have no oomph during the day 4/5 o'clock comes and I usually spring to life and get things done.