I would be so grateful for your advice on this current situation ...
I posted way back on the first thread about my husband who disclosed his horrific abuse and torture at school. Since he told me, he has been seeing a therapist and he is making baby steps forwards. The last month has been pretty good and we had a fantastic weekend away on our own.
A couple of weeks ago I ordered a number of books from amazon for my son's 12th birthday as well as book called allies in healing (for parters of survivors). The order was delayed and turned up after his birthday, and annoyingly I forgot about my book, and so when his sister gave him the package, he saw the book. He brought it downstairs for me - he said 'don't worry mum - I know, Ive seen dads book (victims no more).' I didn't say much, something along the lines of, if you want to talk about it, then ask me etc... My husband said pretty much the same thing last week. We were both upset that he found out.
My son is in the throws of puberty atm; spots, petulant behaviour etc. My husband and son had a petty disagreement today about a tshirt and getting dressed. DH and I asked DS to get dressed repeatedly and when DS kept asking the same question over and over again, dh put on a silly voice. DS then said "I thought that you were the one who was messed up."
It sounds so innocuous writing it down but it has been a massive trigger for dh. He cried quietly all the way back from my parents, drunk 7 bottles of beer in the car, cried at home, taken a xanax and has been asleep since 3pm.
When he was at school, the abusers would make him stay after school for 'detention' - the other boys began to notice and started calling him, queer, faggot etc. Then he was bullied and injured, first by the year 7's, then by their brothers and mates. He always fought back at the bullies with violence - he said he never gave up and would fight to the death. He caused injuries to these boys - broken noses and ribs, but the main abuser was the head of year so would always step in so that it never went further. The abuser would punish DH further.
DH said that 'it is happening again, DS is going to use it again to hurt me'
He feels powerless, he is scared of himself. My son doesn't really understand the implications of what he has done, I think he meant to hurt his dad but he is too young to realise how loaded his comment was.
I know that DH will go and speak to his therapist about it this week. I don't know whether I should speak to DS, but I could end up making it worse.