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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

999 replies

CailinDana · 19/06/2012 21:59

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
Offred · 01/07/2012 20:50

Hello, just checking in. Not pregnant Grin

dottyspotty2 · 01/07/2012 21:00

Take it your happy

Offred · 01/07/2012 21:04

Yes. Don't need anymore dotty! It would be a nightmare.

Guineapigfriend · 01/07/2012 22:56

I would be so grateful for your advice on this current situation ...

I posted way back on the first thread about my husband who disclosed his horrific abuse and torture at school. Since he told me, he has been seeing a therapist and he is making baby steps forwards. The last month has been pretty good and we had a fantastic weekend away on our own.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered a number of books from amazon for my son's 12th birthday as well as book called allies in healing (for parters of survivors). The order was delayed and turned up after his birthday, and annoyingly I forgot about my book, and so when his sister gave him the package, he saw the book. He brought it downstairs for me - he said 'don't worry mum - I know, Ive seen dads book (victims no more).' I didn't say much, something along the lines of, if you want to talk about it, then ask me etc... My husband said pretty much the same thing last week. We were both upset that he found out.

My son is in the throws of puberty atm; spots, petulant behaviour etc. My husband and son had a petty disagreement today about a tshirt and getting dressed. DH and I asked DS to get dressed repeatedly and when DS kept asking the same question over and over again, dh put on a silly voice. DS then said "I thought that you were the one who was messed up."

It sounds so innocuous writing it down but it has been a massive trigger for dh. He cried quietly all the way back from my parents, drunk 7 bottles of beer in the car, cried at home, taken a xanax and has been asleep since 3pm.

When he was at school, the abusers would make him stay after school for 'detention' - the other boys began to notice and started calling him, queer, faggot etc. Then he was bullied and injured, first by the year 7's, then by their brothers and mates. He always fought back at the bullies with violence - he said he never gave up and would fight to the death. He caused injuries to these boys - broken noses and ribs, but the main abuser was the head of year so would always step in so that it never went further. The abuser would punish DH further.

DH said that 'it is happening again, DS is going to use it again to hurt me'
He feels powerless, he is scared of himself. My son doesn't really understand the implications of what he has done, I think he meant to hurt his dad but he is too young to realise how loaded his comment was.

I know that DH will go and speak to his therapist about it this week. I don't know whether I should speak to DS, but I could end up making it worse.

dottyspotty2 · 01/07/2012 23:27

Really don't know what to advise it's a difficult situation maybe you could sit DS down and just speak to him yourself and tell him how he has to be careful with his dad atm.

A friend of mine has just joined fb she along with most of my friends moved away to another town 14 years ago basically for getting a house was only flats here. She knows about what happened has done for years and was talking to her tonight used to go visit but lost touch 6 years ago funny cause I'm really upset after speaking to her would love to get back in touch with the old gang but I'm such a different person than back then we had some great times when we where younger clubbing going out in the summer etc. Rest of us are on fb apart from the couple [ SIL and her friend who caused shit]

OlympicMarathonNCer · 02/07/2012 04:31

haven't handled this weekend at all and paranoid I outed myself.

I have no idea how I'm ever going to get over this and just feel disgusted with myself.

Am off to nc.

dottyspotty2 · 02/07/2012 04:41

Are you home Olympic? X

OlympicMarathonNCer · 02/07/2012 06:16

no and we're stranded, fucking taxi hasn't turned up, we'll never catch the coach, this weekend is the pitts, we have no way to get home.

dottyspotty2 · 02/07/2012 06:24

Omg where about are you I assumed you where driving sorry.

CailinDana · 02/07/2012 07:34

How's it going Olympic?

That's a really tough situation Guineapig and I'm really unsure what to advise. On the one hand I would say your son should know about the fact that his dad is suffering and needs extra consideration but on the other I think it might be too much to ask that a hormonal teenager take on that level of knowledge and worry about his dad. What he said was nasty but it wasn't unusual for a teenager and it seems too much to ask to expect him to recognise what will trigger his dad. The danger is that he'll feel too responsible for what's going on.

What is your gut feeling on it?

OP posts:
chipsahoynicki · 02/07/2012 09:10

Morning all,
Sorry to hear you've been unwell Cailin, are you feeling better today?

Dotty, is it counselling today? I am in a better place than I've ever been, yet only just started counselling, I think it's a positive thing.

Olympic, what's going on? Have you managed to find a way home?

Offred, I'm glad you are pleased about not being pregnant, how was your weekend?

Guinea, I'm not sure what to advise, but it sounds like you need to talk to your son, can your husband ask his counsellor for some advice in tackling it in an age appropriate way?

It's been an up and down weekend here, DS2 has been waking around 4 every day, I'm shattered. I can't sleep very well at the best of times. I've also been struggling with intrusive memories/ thoughts, but I guess counselling is stirring that up.

Whydoialwaysgetitwrong · 02/07/2012 09:16

I'm just flying in - hope Olympic you are safely on coach - if not is there anything we can do to help.

dottyspotty2 · 02/07/2012 09:43

Chips yes it is had counselling from rape crisis or as they call it support but my support worker was a fully trained PTSD counseller was her job. That was from early november until mid April 12 sessions.

Still need to learn to pace myself despite taking 3 days to do my room was trembling each night after finishing it. [7 bags for tip and carrier for charity all charity stuff is stuff my mother gave me including a brand new watch set that cost quite a bit for her but never liked it only kept it cause didn't want to offend her]

Was up at 4.30 done kitchen didn't do dishes last night didn't even get dinner until 11 and a huge basket of ironing.

CailinDana · 02/07/2012 12:37

Hi again, was just out at toddler group. I'm all better today, don't know what was wrong at the weekend, must have eaten something dodgy.

Dotty you do seem to take on a lot of housework. I am always in awe of the lists of things you get done every day in spite of feeling so bad. Perhaps you're overdoing it?

Hi chips, sorry to hear you're not sleeping well, that always makes me feel really rough. Do you want to talk about the intrusive thoughts you're having?

OP posts:
chipsahoynicki · 02/07/2012 13:23

It's just memories. Like last night I was kissing and hugging DH and suddenly I was thinking of the past and it was horrible. Like I wanted to enjoy my time with DH, not think about what happened in the past.
Or I'm playing with my DC and suddenly I am in the past.. I know I'm here but my thoughts aren't, does that make sense?
I feel like it's a conscious effort to keep my thoughts in the present. I keep having to remind myself to engage in "the now"

I need a nap, DS1 is at pre school, but DS2 is wide awake, so I intend to sit and do nothing.
Cake anyone?

CailinDana · 02/07/2012 13:56

I'll have some cake please :)

Olympic has mentioned "grounding techniques" a few times to combat flashbacks - basically things like stamping your feet, hugging yourself hard etc that sort of force you to reconnect with the present and to let go of the memory. I haven't used to them myself but they sound like a good idea.

That said, lately I've felt like I'm strong enough to roll with the flashbacks and let them happen. I've held them at bay for a long time because they were too much for me, but I feel as long as I don't confront them they're going to keep coming back. The last time I had a flashback (also kissing and cuddling DH) I just told him what was happening and closed my eyes to let it come back. I let myself have the memory and then put it away, with the reassurance that it was just a memory and that I am safe in the here and now. It went well I think, although I can't be sure that the same flashback won't happen again.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 02/07/2012 14:39

Just back from counselling what a lovely woman she wants to see me weekly asked her about cost as it's a sliding scale depending on income from £5-£25 told me not worry just £5 as she doesn't want me worrying about things like that felf really at ease with her and funnily calm.

CailinDana · 02/07/2012 14:58

Glad it went well dotty :)

OP posts:
OlympicMarathonNCer · 02/07/2012 18:32

Back, finally, mix up with taxi luckily I booked it half an hour early public transport pro , am going to wash everything and sleep. Will catch up later, hope eveyone's ok.

Guinea, sometimes I find I think the worst of sometimes innocuous comments. Your husband may have been triggered by the comment which would have made it seem worse, not that it wasn't upsetting. Have you spoken to your ds about survivor issues?

CailinDana · 02/07/2012 19:43

Glad you got back Olympic! Talk to tomorrow if you're around :)

OP posts:
chipsahoynicki · 02/07/2012 20:18

Thanks Cailin.. I need to work on my grounding techniques I think. since starting counselling, I feel a bit bombarded by dreams and memories. I assume that's normal as counselling stirs up a lot. I actually started counselling to deal with the abuse when I was younger, but when I told him about it, I also mentioned the attack at 17 and it's been bothering me a lot since. I'd never said it out loud before...never admitted it happened. I hope talking about it will help.

Well done on going with the flashback,I know that must be difficult. I think facing it will help in the long run.

I'm glad you are back Olympic, look forward to the catch up.

Dotty, your counsellor sounds nice, I'm glad it went ok.

dottyspotty2 · 02/07/2012 20:19

Glad your home Olympic.

I ended up sleeping this afternoon despite it being a good session suppose talking about things from the beginning did that Sad

CailinDana · 03/07/2012 08:51

Morning all, hope everyone is well. I'm having one of those days. DH was away with work last night so had a long day yesterday and then DS woke up this morning at 4:40am Angry. I'm tired, it's raining and I just can't be arsed to do anything. We should go out or the day will drag on and on but I can't get up the motivation to get out in that weather. Plus no one is free to meet up today so I'll end up going out on my own which isn't much fun. Blagh.

How is everyone else?

OP posts:
chipsahoynicki · 03/07/2012 09:44

Morning.

I feel your pain Cailin, DS2 was also up about 4.30. It's getting to be a regular thing. Rainy here too, we will go out for pre school later, but otherwise I'm thinking tv and lego for DS1.
Can you plan something fun at home? Maybe den this morning, with a picnic lunch in it?

dottyspotty2 · 03/07/2012 10:22

Just up must of been worry that got me up so early yesterday was 4am. DH wants me to meet him in Edinburgh he has an airport run don't know yet.

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