Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Eating!!! Not eying!!!

I have stopped eating chocolate cakes and biscuits so there banned from house also tatties trying to cut them oout as well had a huge bowl of fresh fruit salad and fat free yoghurt for lunch need to make another dish up got loads of elcheapo fruit from aldi.

Just snapped at DH kept showing me crude pictures and captions off FB then wound young un up she's been a vegetarian since 12 why can't he just accept the fact instead he tries to tell her meat is quorn she's not stupid.

Sounds a bit like my dad dotty, just doesn't know when to stop! Once fed me eggs that were a whole month out of date the night before an exam because he wanted to prove you can eat out of date food (I eat out of date food all the time anyway, it is my brother who doesn't).

He thinks he is funny! It just isn't.

we've hit civilisation, there are actual real people and we had a burger king other fast food restaurants are available t'was the only one on the service station

We are soo behind the times where I am but civilisation I seen an actual real iphone and sunshine are ace.

I think SS are a complete waste of time, we have desperate for help and received non - at all. After DC initially disclosed - it was 5 days before we saw a professional and 28 days before we saw a social worker - we could have been doing anything to DC - I mean we weren't - but in some families - immense pressure could have been brought to bear a reading these threads I'm even more sure of it.

I am in battle with LEA/Council who appear to be prepared to disregard the advice of the family therapist.

What's the situation with the LEA whydo?

On the plus side.

DC is beginning to rejoin the world on a social level - has been out overnight, god I'm so pleased - DC isn't going to prom - we were on our way shopping for outfit when they said they couldn't face it, I must have had a real angry face because DC asked me why I was pissed off with them.

I said I wasn't - I was really angry at abuser for stealing another part of DCs life, then I promptly burst into tears (in the car), poor DC I try so hard not to do this!!!! DC ended up comforting me. Bit it was nice to be able to say to DC - I am angry at abuser for doing this, and I am really proud Of DC for telling people.

I never thought I could be so glad about a sleepover. Was on tenderrhooks all night in case DC had a panic attack and wanted to come home (on taxi call) but they didn't, then dc is off to a party tonight.

Hurray :)

That is fantastic news. BTW I know I said previously that you shouldn't put your feelings onto DC but I was talking more about making your DC feel responsible for your feelings. Things like what happened in the car can actually be very healing for a survivor because seeing a person's real, angry reaction to what happened reinforces the idea that the survivor is a worthwhile person who didn't deserve to be abused. It's great that your DC is starting to rebuild their life.

Middle DC is off to school September - because of ongoing issues - has had to move out of local area to new school.

LEA are insistent on treating us as a "standard family", Dc has 1 friend going to this school and as they are expericing behavioural issues as a result of what's happening, this is more important than it would be for the next child.

family therapist is supporting this view (org was recommended by SS although I had self referred months before they did that).

I have been raising my concerns with LEA / council since APRIL but no-one told school, they have set classes and are insisting they can't change them, despite the fact no-one has started school yet. no-one notified school of my concerns - because no one in council:LEA gives a flying one.

So I spoke to DCs nursery and check and they said when DCs little friend isn't in - dc is lost.

I feel DC needs a modicum of continuity to prevent further issues, family therapist also agrees, but school can disregard mine and therapists opinions.

I feel they want me to take a course of action that is damaging to DC, when a minor adjustment (1 child for half a morning) would help make this transition easier for him.

I have had to explain to dc he isn't going with his friends but he will make lots of new ones and it's exciting, bit he just cries :( and says but I'll be with xxxxxxxxxxx. How do I tell him that isn't going to happen.

Thanks Cailin I was surprised Dc allowed me to even speak, Hopefully this is thebataty of some, small healing. And they are going to see counsellor, service rang me to say DCs is leaving and they were allocating a new one.

DC was peed off and thought I had rung them, til I showed incoming call on my phone!!!!! All we have agreed is to 1 session with new one and if DC doesn't want to go after that, that's fine - I think maybe dc had seen they need a little help as saw CAHMS this week and seems to have been a little happier since.

• read about your

Read about your run in with friend Cailin!good for you for speaking out - on of mine was a biter - never took my eyes off when we were out for what seemed like forever.

I'm glad that situation with my friend got resolved but I'm not pleased with how I dealt with it. I had a big strop and that's just silly behaviour IMO. I'm glad she was able to see past that and hear what I had to say in the end.

Know what hurt the most with LEA/school, when I said, we have additional needs above other children - and I was answered with, there is no proof of that.

I mean exactly what has to happened to your family before people can see that you need some help??

Makes me weep, tears of anger, tears of frustration, and tears of sadness, I mean all I want is what is best for them, what will make them happy(er/est).

I am really struggling to send the small ones to school/pg, I battle with myself everyday, in a school with an intake of 90 children, is it really so hard to put 2 children from same nursery - who only know each other - together?? Without all the other issues we have.

It wears me out battling for help that I thInk we should be given as a matter of course.

In my niavity, I actually thought we would get some support instead of meeting constant barriers.

I wish we had a normal family, with normal issues. But god help us we haven't.

That's really shit whydo. It seems like with anything to do with emotional welfare you have to be practically on death's door before you get any help. The fact that your family is functioning and they know that you and your DH are clued up and know what you're doing means they see you as not being in need.

I asked teacher if we would get more support and less barriers if dc had died - she said she didn't know - she hadn't dealt with anything that serious - well that much is clear!

The fact that your family is functioning and they know that you and your DH are clued up and know what you're doing means they see you as not being in need.

That is spot on - it's more or less what SS have said, DH and I are meeting their needs so there are no issues.

What happened to the requirement for multi agency working??? It's a joke - a meaningless buzz word the council puts in it's documentation.

WRT to your middle dc and his friend - would the friend's parents get involved and kick up a stink too? Sometimes just adding to the hassle for the school makes them take action. I know it's strange advice but I think in this sort of situation in order to get help you have to make as much of a nuisance of yourself as possible - don't let them think they can fob you off with the minimum. In my years working with parents of children with SNs the shoutiest parents got the most, which is ridiculous but true.

She is appalled - I haven't told her exactly what us happening, but she knows we are seeing a therapist - she works in a school and she said, they'd have put them together as a matter if course.

I'm at the stage I'm thinking of not sending him at all and waiting for Education Welfare to get involved - we are involved with them already anyway with older DC.

I have taken legal advice and in told we could probably force a judicial review and win - but that means involving a specialist education solicitor, at a cost of god knows how much, and a time span of 7/8 months - and I knows that isn't an option for us emotionally or financially.

I'm at the end of my tether, dh and I have tried to explain to them, how hard it is for me t

For me to send dc to school at all (I know on this thread you understand that we want to keep them with us at all times) but they just don't understand.

Sigh - need this like I need a hole in the head.

Is there a reason why they're not being put together? I don't understand why the school are being so uncooperative.

Obviously you can't give me information that I might need to see if I could help whydoi but maybe I can help direct you.

LEAs normally have to produce all kinds of policies on school admissions and on treatment of families with extra needs do I would recommend having a look on your council's website for any policy documents which may be relevant. School admissions is a good place to start. Also you could find out who is in charge of admissions and ask for a face to face meeting which may help you appear more than just a name on a piece of paper. Also you could consider contacting your MP and requesting a bit of sensitive help and support.

If councils make a mistake that is their fault in allocating school places then they can undo it and give you your preferred school even if it takes them over numbers. You need to demonstrate they have behaved unreasonably in some way.

Normally with law if something intuitively feels wrong then it will be and you can find things to support you. Are there any advocacy organisations that could help you?

There is no "social need" category in our schools admissions criteria, so my dc is being treated as if we have "changed" our minds.

The only reason he has been allocated a place in this school is because they opened an extra class.

Schools admissions have refused to take into account any additional circumstances - as it isn't in the "criteria". I have had huge rows with them,