Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I agree, Offred. I think that partly comes from the culture of "privacy" (ie secrecy) that still exists around families. Not so long ago the attitude was that the government had no right at all to interfere in families - parents could beat their children black and blue, men could rape their wives, and absolutely nothing was done about it, in fact it was almost seen as normal. It's a big leap from that to a culture where people are open and willing to accept that while privacy is a good thing, it can also be dangerous.

Agreed Cailin as I've said grew up with parents with a victorian like attitude I actually said here that I dont remember him hitting us much but what my brother done has brought things back its strange I remember going to school with welts on my legs visable and another occasion being slapped across the face by my mother and called a stupid cow for dropping dads tea on the carpet I was 10 or there abouts. Still happening now should be stopped unfortunately to many bleeding heart liberals in this country to ban smacking 'reasonable chastisement' is allowed you wouldn't go hit an adult for the same thing. I know of one girl who at 13 had her pants pulled down and hammered by her father she'll be 22 in October he was reported for it.

As a young lone mum I've met very few people who think I'm a normal parent, 90% of people think I should have a sw. I don't parent with violence I parent with communication, I haven't had half the problems I've seen in abusive families yet I'm often judged harshly as being a neglectful abusive parent.

Most of the survivors on this thread are from 2 parent, non poor families, yet these are the families least likely to be considered a concern.

Agreed Olympic. Down through the years the oddest families I've come across, the ones where I had a concern about the children but nothing solid to put my finger on, were two parent, usually pretty wealthy families. Those are the kinds of families who attract no attention at all and who are usually assumed to be fine, due to the fact that in western culture we equate worth with wealth. Rich people can legitimately put their children into institutional care (ie boarding school) from a young age and claim that it's a good thing. If a young single mother gave her child over to SS to be brought up in an institution, only to come home at holiday time she would be slated to high heaven and held up as an example of how shit single mothers are. If she paid for the same thing with daddy's money no comment would be made.

Hi all,

Just been to counselling, he was really reassuring about my worries last week of blurting out too much. Next week will be the toughie, got a week to mentally prepare myself though.

How is everyone? Olympic I hope you have a lovely holiday.

That Loophole should have been closed years ago, sometimes for a civilised country, I'm really surprised at how backwards we can be.

We were far from rich or comfortably off but the other things that stand out are churchy families and those that are community minded we wouldn't of dared step out of line in public looked perfectly behaved but no-looks at that as a signal to abuse but of good parents not always the way is it.

True dotty.

How are you feeling after your session chips? I'm well today, had a run in with a friend yesterday (posted about it, nothing major just issues with her child hurting my DS) but that's resolved now, so just having a lazy day. DS has been napping for about an hour and half now so clearly he's up for being lazy too :) The house is a tip but I'm having a hard time caring.

Hi Cailin, I was just reading back through the posts, I'm glad your friend is making an effort to deal with her DD.

I'm feeling a little down. It's early days in counselling and I was so keen and positive about it all and while I still feel it's the right thing for me, I'm just realising how difficult and scary it all is. I so badly want and need to talk about it all, but I'm so afraid to say it out loud. I told him I'd rather bury my head in the sand and pray it goes away, but i've been doing that for years and it's not working.
I just need a hug and sympathy I feel fragile.

Any fun weekend plans anyone?

Plenty of hugs and sympathy on offer here. If only there was cake :)

DS, socialite that he is, has a party to attend on Sunday but apart from that nothing but DIY and housework planned for the weekend

What about you?

Just slept going through a certain town but now in the city and I just want to cry, I hate this place so much.

Thank you. Ooo, I have some Bakewell tarts just waiting to be eaten...

I'm supposed to be going to my mum's tomorrow, but not sure if I will. I find it difficult being "home". I never feel safe there. So I'll see how I feel in the morning.
Otherwise maybe swimming with the boys on Sunday and loads of housework, the excitement just never stops

Mmmm I love Bakewell tarts. Pass us one.

Do you want to talk about why you hate that place Olympic?

I know you've probably talked about it before chips, but what's your relationship with your mum like?

Gutting bedroom completely drawers wardrobes the lot just done one bedside drawer having cuppa having bother concentrating for to long today. But as the song goes Things can only get better. No intentions of venturing out this weekend.

Don't know why but I have a feeling I annoyed DC when I called the other day her tone seemed off just a feeling. I know she wasn't at the office but out didn't tell officer I spoke to that it was urgent just to let her know I'd called.

Anything could have been going on with the DC dotty, something in her personal life or a stressful day at work. It's her job to be in contact with you so I don't think you need to worry about annoying her.

Olympic are you ok? Bad memories in that City?

My mum and I get on fine, but I have a lot of anger towards her, she's no idea. She's selfish, naive, sheltered, she worries about everything, she is only happy when we are all ok. So I tell her nothing. I hate going home because of the memories but also because "he" still lives there and I'm still afraid of him. I believe he's still a threat to me, though I never go anywhere alone there and I drive with doors locked. It doesn't help me feel safe though.

Sounds like a productive day Dotty. Do you feel better when you feel you've achieved something ? I do.

I do chips mince has been on a couple of hours andd put tatties on for topping shepherds pie for DH and DS.

Cailin I know from when she phoned me accidently just afterwards that judging by number she was up in court could of been that I suppose. She got my number mixed up with someone else funny cause I didn't even recognise the voice until she told me I have a thick liverpool accent on phone so quite distinguishable here.

Also felt like a stupid reason to call her IYSWIM.

Why did it feel like a stupid reason dotty?

Just did also have it in my mind that I shouldn't hear anything else until end of August when PCMH is.

Bad memories.

Coach running late, phone battery going, will probably end up roaming the english countryside at midnight :) BUT we've seen SUNLIGHT, shock horror, I haven't seen sunlight for weeks, literally.

Hope you all have lovely weekends :)

Olympic x

I totally understand what you mean. I think we have a culture of abuse against children and therefore families in this country. When I was a single mum I experienced exactly what you describe even from my own family. Then when I got married DH is a "high-earner" so then we got abused for being "sharp-elbowed" middle classes (we still struggle with money because we pay a huge amount of tax and full cost for everything) who knew nothing about what it is like to have to scrimp and save, now as well as that because I have four children people think
I can't possibly be taking care of them properly. It doesn't help that I am Eco and relaxed and so I let them wee on trees and don't use chemicals to obtain perfectly turned out children. Our society is so busy hating all children they don't care about the ones who are being harmed.

Cailin - I think it is capitalism that's the problem.

Dotty - it wasn't stupid to call her and she probably has a million things to feel stressed about in her job. I think you are probably reading too much into it x

Chips - sounds like my mum. She makes such a huge fuss and has no respect for your privacy and then never accepts responsibility for anything she has ever done that it is impossible to share anything with her and if you do it is a nightmare.

Sorry for spamming

I'm feeling the best I have felt for ages today. Kids enjoyed muffins are all tired and stressed, sent DH for evil McDonalds got them all in pyjamas and we're going to have a pyjama party. Watching the cookie monster on you tube and eying fruit in preparation.