Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Well done dotty.

How's everyone?

That sounds really good Dotty.

Did everyone here on the news they've changed the law in england and wales to actually be able to prosecute pedo's who don't kill. Sick that they've been allowed to get away with it for so long, lets hope this does something positive.

We've set off but are stuck in traffic, I presume from the storm last night. We are moving just very slowly and I'm glad ds is not a kid anymore, going to be a long day.

Its ay abuse kids are left brain damaged and there is no law to prosecute properly my minds elsewhere just now thinking of little Aillidh expats wee girl no child should go through what she's going through and no parent should have to watch that kind of suffering of their precious child

I know dotty, it's awful, poor thing.

What's that about the law Olympic? I've not heard about what you're referring to.

JUST ON BBC NEWS see if I can find a link

Basically perpetrators whose child victims survived rather than being killed from abuse can now be dealt with by the full weight of the law. Its in the aftermath of baby peter now allowing a child to be abused neglected [parent watching ignoring partner] can be prosecuted only caught the end will probably be online later.

It's shocking that the law didn't do that already.

Justice secretary Kenneth Clarke has closed the loophole and absolutely disgusting that no justice could be brought before for victims who survived. Basically if baby peter had survived no one would have been prosecuted.

I really really hope the courts can now do something positive.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18638734

Found a link about it here. To be honest I had no idea the law so was so poor on this front. The fact that it's been changed is great though. In so many cases there seems to be a mother who stands by and lets her children be abused. I'd like to see women like that sent to prison (along with the abuser of course) for a very long time.

X post. How are you Offred?

I have to say I have mixed feelings about this in the context of current trends in child protection. Our country has a bolting the stable door after the horse has gone approach to abuse. The law is particularly ineffective in dealing properly with both victims and perpetrators of all kinds of abuse. There have been many cases where children have been taken away wrongly because evidence can only be subjective and the system is overstretched and poorly managed and underfunded as well as serious abuse going unchecked. I also have a low opinion of social services who I think often issue dictates to people who need serious help and support to be able to achieve the required levels of care, except they are not given help and support just checklists. My mum does a lot of work in child protection and so does my counsellor friend and the things they speak about are totally shocking as was that programme about social services.

I'm going to have to go and look up the actual law and read it because I don't trust the Tories and I think this will be another thing created to criminalise and remove children from poor people without much evidence and without any help.

Much better today cailin. Made some gooseberry muffins with the dt this morning! Dtd "no like it" dts "Mmm, me like it dawbreeez, bit spicy!" they are always so opposite!! Dd was really sad going into school this morn so hoping the muffins will cheer her up and ds was hyper which normally means he is upset too so I think we need to do something nice this afternoon.

Aw do you know why they're like that Offred?

One of the best ways of reducing child abuse is banning corporal punishment and making it not socially desirable. In other European countries where there are outright bans child abuse reduced and stayed at almost non-existent levels and I think they have only had something ridiculous like one death of a child at the hands of their parents in sweden in the thirty plus years they have had the outright ban. They also have good data demonstrating that the mechanism and therefore what protects children, is making corporal punishment unacceptable socially so they have found parents still sometimes resort to physical punishment but it is considered unacceptable and doesn't escalate. There is no evidence of an increase in anti-social behaviour and no evidence of additional criminalisation of parents just falls in child deaths, better reporting of abuse, less self harm and suicide in children.

The big ones are tired and probably hungry because they aren't eating properly or sleeping properly after having the vomiting bug on Monday and they have been out with their dad twice this week so they are knackered and finding school hard work.

I was involved in a home education thread the other day that got a bit heated. I have nothing at all against HE but what sent chills down my spine was the assertion of a lot of posters that parents should have the right to take their children out of school and never to be contacted by authorities again. My argument was that that was the perfect situation for abusers to thrive in, but of course a lot of posters took that to mean that I thought all HEders are abusive. Sigh. Other more measured posters argued that checks by the LEA and health team aren't necessary because there are "other ways of gathering evidence of abuse." No one would actually say what those ways were though. Scary to think people can advocate parents having total control over their children, to the exclusion of all contact with services designed to protect those children, when there are so many cases of parents treating their children appallingly.

The run up to the summer holidays is really tough going Offred, I used to absolutely hate it as a teacher, basically weeks of keeping bored restless tired hot children going when all the whole lot of us wanted was a break. Such a hard slog.

I think the HV checks for abuse are a bit pointless tbh. You can very easily evade and avoid them and I think it is a conflict of interest to have health visitors who are meant to provide postnatal support, working in effectively a policing role.

Because of case loads if social workers get involved they often just avoid families with really complicated problems and focus on easier targets (poor people, people with mental health problems, learning disabilities). I have no faith in the sum of social services although I know there are some good individuals within the system.

I've been accused of neglecting my children by a health visitor. The twins had lip ties and poor weight gain and they threatened me with SS for a "child welfare issue" because they would not check the latch or the feeding at all (and had never watched me feed or examined the babies) because they were so convinced that the problem was me not being able to cope with twins and two older ones. Months later they were still feeding and doing better and one of them ripped their tie and they both had subsequent referrals for dental investigations etc. I don't believe health visitors can both support and police.

I once reported a family to social services but they did nothing. The girl was 18 and her and the baby's dad would have regular big physical fights where they'd smash up the house and each other, they had a dog and never picked up the poo but would leave the two year old outside to play in the small yard with the (putbull) and the poo for long periods alone (hours) and when I talked to her about it she got very aggressive and said the dog is clean and the poo won't make the child sick. She also smoked weed around my children and hers, drove the child around without a licence or a car seat and didn't get him in bed till past nine o clock. The thing that worried me was that she had no idea how to keep him safe. Our doors open out straight onto the road and she never secured the door and he would often get out and wander into the road. I also heard the dad arranging drug deals which made me wonder if there were drugs in the house. Social services and the health visitor didn't care or do anything and they have now moved (back in with the dad who moved out) and I feel sick with worry about the child:

I totally agree that SWs tend to avoid the "tough" families. I know of two women who are under constant supervision from SWs when their problems are pretty minor. In my view the reason their under so much supervision is because they're very cooperative and they are easy cases for the SWs who can pat themselves on the back that they are "supporting" difficult families (when in fact all they're doing is making the poor women feel paranoid about their every move). At the same time I know of cases like the one you mentioned where the parents are resistant and uncooperative and nothing is done.

I suppose it's a very hard balance to strike. No one wants a situation where SS can barge into any home under any pretence and take the children. But at the same time you don't want a situation where parents can just refuse to be monitored and carry on abusing their children while SS stand back and claim not to be able to do anything. I agree with you to an extent about HVs but I'm not sure what the alternative is. At least they get into homes early and see what the conditions are. That is what resulted in one woman I know being under SW supervision - her home was incredibly filthy because she wasn't coping. That was obvious to the HV straight away so the children were spared growing up like that. That said, the woman wasn't actually given support, she was just told to shape up or face further action, poor thing. She managed to turn it around herself but what if she hadn't?

Well the wee girl in Birmingham who was starved to death and her siblings rescued where removed to HE no checks there was there perfect for the bastard abusers out there

Well the wee girl in Birmingham who was starved to death and her siblings rescued where removed to HE no checks there was there perfect for the bastard abusers out there

I HE'd and was set targets and pressured to return ds to school which I did when I found a school with good anti bullying stats he was bullied

My relation has sw involvment and they are there for the dc but my relation has learning difficulties and no sw support.

My ex is also adamant I need a sw and has reported me.

What we need is to not be reliant on checks as the sum total CP policy. We need proper evidenced based social policy and law but we are so far away from it. The uk has had so many Warnings about child wellbeing and child protection and completely failed to head them and in the case of banning corporal punishment, outright defied advice with no credible excuse or reason.

*heed