Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

at the tent BTW!

Ended up at Gretna outlet village what a letdown it is. Come home and realised I do need my meds still only missed yesterday and todays and had the shakes again not risking it at all oh well was worth a try.

Could someone else try? maybe someone without young dc?

Ds has regressed to toddler age and choas is in full swing, I'll never get packed but have done my motherly duties and taught him how to tie a slip knot hang knot He's also got on the head lamp and is playing with the settings I'm now blind and the sods eaten some of the food!

This is on top of people saying "we'll be watching for you floating off into the floods all wet and muddy"

I'm not sure who could try to be honest. The child's grandparents are fully aware of what she's like and haven't said a word about it as far as I know. The child's dad does try to be more hot on discipline but he's away with work a lot so it falls to the girl's mum most of the time. For a long time I put her failure to deal with it down to the fact that she was looking after two small children practically on her own (due to her DH's work) but her DH has been at home for quite a while now and still nothing has changed. Today at the group the girl's mother (my friend), father and grandmother were all in the room and none of them was keeping track of her behaviour, they were all just sitting on their arses chatting while I tried to protect DS. Bloody ridiculous situation.

From what I remember it's not normal at 3 younger toddlers yes but surely she should be at playgroup/nursery if she's 3. Only time I've seen it is in kids who aren't checked or SN's DS was a horrific biter and I was like glue to him even around his sister I actually went to HV over finding huge bitemarks over her back at 9 months so he would of been just 2.

She's not quite 3 dotty, but not far off it either. All of her behaviour is attention seeking as far as I can see. I don't think she has any SNs - she is very switched on and has great language and can be lovely sometimes. I think her home life is quite chaotic especially as her dad is away so much, and I do find the way my friend interacts with her quite odd, which might add to the problem. I think she has got in a rut of bad behaviour and because her parents aren't coming down hard on it and teaching her new ways to behave it's just not improving.

I plucked up courage to phone counselling service think I need it somehow not normal to be thinking thhese dark thoughts all the time is it?

Got answerphone though bugger.

She'll get a shock at school if it's not stopped, the dh being away a lot shouldn't be a reason either, bad parenting is bad parenting, she's doing her dd few favours but if everyone stops going to the group she'll maybe realise.

Dotty, dark thoughts aren't normal but you are recognising them which is a great step, councelling might be a good way to go.

have shouted at ds, now he has a hang dog face bangs head of desk sorry have laughed at him now he looks gutted, argh

It doesn't matter if it's normal or not, dotty, it's just too much for you to put up with and you need and deserve to have help with it. It's great that you called them, shame that they weren't there. Do you think you'll try again tomorrow?

Its local festival this week so will try if not don't takes a lot for me to get the nerve up as I worry they'll look at me and think I don't need it as I look ok.

I agree Olympic. Friend seems to think it's just a stage, which it can be with some children, but I think with her child it's more that she doesn't know how to behave properly and is so used to getting attention for bad behaviour that that's all she does when she's in a social situation.

Why did you shout at DS? Is he properly upset or just milking it a bit?

Trying to pack and he's getting too excited and getting everything out again or not helping, he's milking it, he's excited, first festival, I'm bricking it.

Aww, he sounds sweet. Have you two made it up yet?

Update - friend has texted me saying that the group is still going to go ahead but they're going to make out a rule chart and she's going to bring a naughty cushion with her for her DD. I hope that's a sign of good things to come. I texted her back and said that was great and apologising for stropping earlier and saying I'll hold off on going back to the group for now to keep the pressure off her in dealing with her DD. I am sincerely hoping this might be a turning point for them, although I have to admit I'm not hugely hopeful. But at least there's no bad blood now between me and my friend, we both apologised and acknowledged each others' point of view which is a good outcome I think.

How's it going Olympic? Are you and your DS back to normal now?

Sometimes its a shock that's needed to wake some parents up my SIL's DD was never told no in her life by her mother she was a brat but clever in a sneaky way so she never saw it everyone elses child was in the wrong.

I find that sort of parenting really hard to see dotty because of course the child ends up shunned by other children and parents and over time they become confused and lonely. It's really sad.

How are you feeling dotty?

She hasn't though she had friends because she had everything her her mother and grandmother bullied DD2 so badly that she nearly ended up anorexic and close to breakdown at 13 bitches

That's awful dotty :(

[

Oops what happened there. DH nearly killed his sister and mother over it.

Not feeling great but not bad think I've made the right decision phoning up today having occasional ups and downs ok even lasting weeks/months but not 2 days good then days by total darkness that's not fair.

I agree that you made the right decision. You're going through something incredibly difficult and you have every right to ask for as much help as you need.

Not something I'm good at though Cailin my outlook on life is just put your head down and get on with it not burden others with your problems not their concern. Suppose it's down to the way your brought up.

We're fine :o normally holiday madness.

Cailin, so glad you're friend has taken on board your comments, lets hope she helps her dd, these problems can be so easily sorted and if not they do get isolated which is so :(

Dotty, hugs, hope you get some help.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Booked counselling first session monday then see how it goes rom £5-£25 depending on income she wanted some basic info just told her I disclosed childhood abuse 9 months ago had palpitations talking to her.