Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I'm actually up never took my meds yesterday oops but I've done all downstairs floors swept washed polished furniture cleaned kitchen and just about to get dressed (shock horror) and go do banking and bills. Didn't sleep much last night either actually been sleeping to much last fortnight.

It was all very quiet and civilised really. Went to really nice restaurant with my friend and was chatting for so long they ended up hovering around us trying to get us to leave! Then we went for a quick drink and home. Just ended up knocking back the beers while chatting which isn't good for the old brainpan. Had a really great chat though, my friend is such a good listener, which is a rare quality. We've known each other for years and years - we're from the same city in Ireland - but it's not till we both ended up in the same place in the UK that we really became friends.

How are you feeling?

Gosh you're putting me to shame dotty. I've eaten breakfast and read a few stories to DS and that's it. It's coffee time for me now. I might tidy the kitchen a bit while I'm out there, to alleviate the guilt of being a layabout!

Yes but Cailin not done it properly for weeks DH was last to do it recently I've not been getting out of my pit until 3/4 in the afternoon.

Do you feel guilty about that dotty?

I've always been an early bird don't know if I've been numbed down by the meds over the last few months or just what's happened to myself by disclosing this.

Was always up by 7 even in holidays school days was up 5.30 at the latest to get buggerlugs to school liked my half hour to myself and did my ironing every morning before leaving.

I think it's definitely for you to get your energy back again dotty. Do you think you will?

gah forgot coffee

Actually, I think I just need water.

Dotty, it'll take time but ad's can be really tiring.

Cailin, glad it was a good night.

Brains not functioning.

Ds wants to see his gran.

What sort of relationship does he have with her Olympic?

He hated her as a baby/child would run away from her. We left for 7 years so he had no contact. When we came back she's bought him cries I'm skint, he wants a car/lessons.

He agrees she treats me like shit but he can get her to buy him stuff he needs. I suppose he's being practicle but if she doesn't help him out, well.

I know she doesn't have to and I've probably made him sound awful, he's getting summer work so can save some himself but if you can't ask family who can you ask, I'm just a waste

Why not she let you down let him have stuff.

I basically have the same approach as your son when it comes to my family - they give me nothing emotionally or support wise but they give me plenty of cash so that suits me fine.

I suppose the danger is that he will start getting sucked in by her attitude - do you think that could happen, or do you think he's savvy enough to get what he wants from her without getting sucked in?

Morning all.

Pass the coffee, another rubbish night. But I've been productive, bathroom cleaned, two loads of washing done, not as productive as you though Dotty! Are you feeling a little better?

Cailin, I'm glad you had a good night out, it's great to have a friend that really listens.

Sorry you didn't sleep well Olympic, I agree about the heat, at night when I wake to it, I feel suffocated.
I agree, that if your family can help with money then why not, if they can't help in the way they should, why not get money for it. I would feel owed I guess.. but I know that may be just me. I know it must be a worry with your son having contact though.

A little but needs must going to try a few days without the citalopram told dr wasn't ready but I don't know if that's making me feel worse after all the crap getting thrown my way. Spooky thing I realised the other day on Tuesday it was 9 months since I walked into police station and since DC made contact by phone (several times) also DD1's 21st.

No I don't think he'll get sucked in but I don't know, he's not emotionally attached. He'd get sucked in by his father, even though he's not seen him for 16 years, because he is emotionally attached to the idea.

I want to see her though so know I'll get sucked in, so maybe it's more a worry of me. I'll just set the bar at nothing, she won't pay money to me unless it suits her and gets great satisfaction from having to bail me out.

Chips, hope you're ok.

Dotty, you are doing so well.

In other news, we're at this festival thing this weekend, I'm terrified something awful will happen, murdered in our tents don't mention the escaped convict or an accident or I make a fool of myself.

I've got water, food, tent, gaffer tape, wellies, bin bags and babywipes praying it's not cancelled

Well I've had a thoroughly shit afternoon. I went to a toddler group with DS run by a friend of mine whose daughter, who's nearly 3, is a handful to say the least. For months I've been biting my tongue about the fact that her daughter pushes DS over, has bitten him etc and friend just says "DD don't do that," and that's the end of it. Friend sits and drinks tea while her daughter runs riot and I and any other parents have to move our children out of her way to avoid them getting attacked.

I've tried to keep the friendship going but I've been avoiding the group lately due to her DD. I decided to go this afternoon and as usual I had to follow DS around monitoring friend's DD to ensure that she didn't do anything to him. She pushed him a couple of times and eventually when she knocked him onto his back and he banged his head I just saw red and gave friend an earful and stormed out. Not my style at all normally but this has been building for ages and I am very tired today so my restraint went out the window. I'm pretty ashamed that I had a strop but to be honest I'm glad I've done something drastic that'll end the friendship because I am just so tired of her DD.

She did ring with her "poor me" sob story about "all children go through this stage" etc and I was calm on the phone but she wasn't interested in what I had to say at all, so that's the end of it.

Sigh. I hate this sort of shit.

Is she self running the toddler group?

When I was involved in part running one there was a biter and the commitee requested the parent sought behavioural help before the child was allowed back.

It's not good to let things build up but it has and she seems to not have taken the seriousness of the situation.

How do the other mothers feel and could you group together as a commitee?

There are definate guidelines for this kind of situation and no one should be standing for it. She can get help

:(

She doesn't self run it but she it can't be run without her, hard to explain without outing the situation. She rang me not long ago and said she's stopping the group which is no great loss really because there's usually only me, her and another lady each week. It's a tiny group in a very small room. Others have been and left, some of them also due to her DD. She's had to leave other groups due to her DD. And yet she still claims that it's normal behaviour and that she's doing what needs to be done. It's a shame really because her DD is can be lovely and is a very very bright child, she just can't handle social situations at all. I'm just sick of DS being pushed around and hurt while nothing is done about it and I don't see the point of going to toddler group if it's just going to be stressful.

Don't blame you, she shouldn't be attending with a biter, it's just a small behavioural problem which can be sorted and best to be addressed as soon as possible.

The biter I knew, I was friends with the mum outside the group and supported her whilst it was being sorted. She was devastated but it got sorted and they were allowed back.

If she's willing to address it you can get it sorted but it sounds as if she's burying her head.

Can you find anything in your area to help her?

ok, I didn't check the length of the tent, it's built for short arses normal height people ds is now rolling around inside it like a caterpillar!

I doubt she would accept help from me now to be honest.