Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

That's shocking dotty, I thought he would have been placed under restrictions. What's to stop him from just staying abroad? I know he probably won't do that but it's amazing that they would take that risk.

How are you doing Olympic?

Offred, I knew about things becoming difficult between you and DH's friend but I didn't realise he had stopped talking to you, that sucks. How do you feel about it?

How are you doing Chips?

I have been lurking. I have also been to get my tattoo. Just spoken to my sister also got the children's D&V bug I think. Tummy is all over the place or maybe just stress.

My biggest fear is that there is more that I have forgotten, closely followed by the fear of being irrevocably broken and tainted as a person.

I feel exceptionally paranoid, like everyone hates me, I have a sore boob = breast cancer, last week (during my fertile period) we had a condom accident i had to take MAP and my period is due Friday, exceptionally scared of being pregnant... But overall I just feel so lonely. I also have too much I need to do that I'm not doing.

I think I need to let my tutor know what's going on and maybe the support staff of the advocacy type groups i do. One meeting I chair and I'm just not up to it. Meeting is next week.

That's really rubbish dotty

DC phoned me accidently got number in book mixed up with someone else judging by the mumber she's at court no way she got up there after calling me, whoever I left message with must have called her as she phoned back within 5 minutes can't believe they go that far out of their way for me.

It definitely does sound like you need to take a step back from things Offred, and give yourself time. Are you happy with the tattoo?

That's good dotty. The people working your case seem to be very much on the ball, which is great.

Offred, I feel the same way, I know I'm irrepairably broken and paranoid. MAP is a horrible thing to take so your tummy upset could be that, did they go through side effects with you, it'll also shoot your hormones all over the place. You could call nhs direct for guidance on map.

Calling your college and asking for help is ideal, they are used to people having problems so will know what to do.

Your group could be put off by saying you have a d+v thing, they'll understand, I've done that.

dotty, what has your dc said? has she given a suitable apology for him being allowed out of the country? I'm so angry for you.

I said to her so he can carry on like nothings happened she said unfortunately yes he's innocent until proven guilty what if he gets away with it though I'm the one who looks like a liar/trouble maker. Its not the polices fault they don't have a say its the courts. She is really nice hate having to call her.

I know it's the courts, sorry, I'm just so angry at the way perpetrators are treated but hey ho.

Please accept my apologies, I know your dc is doing her best.

No apology necessary think all of us are bad for apologising I've been banned by several people from saying it in fact been banned from saying lots of put down words always getting told to stop apologising by DC she says I have nothing to be sorry for but still I started this.

Yes very pleased with tattoo! Have had a productive day, cleaned house from top to bottom. Sent agenda for meeting next week and arranged a speaker. Decided to just push through it and not let myself get isolated at home. I've had a mope, i just need to get in with it and i am feeling better. I think half the problem was the withdrawing into bed. There's a time and a place for that isnt there and no-one can do anything about this but me. Tattoo artist was chatty and cool. Human contact made me feel better. Very up and down, bit of a tiring rollercoaster.

Feel very crampy, fingers crossed. DH been to docs to ask about the snip.

I used to have that get up and soldier on but don't have it anymore and I'm stuck going round in circles, I gain one thing on one hand and lose it on the other, withdrawing is the only way I can cope as when ever I try anything I just fuck it up.

fingers crossed too.

Dotty, I know how horrible that sense of responsibility is and I'm trying to let it go but it's difficult.

I'm terrible for not moving my fat arse out of the bed until about 3/4 o'clock unless I have to go somewhere intended on getting up early today never woke until 11.30 used to always be up before DH now he's always up before me become so lazy with no motivation to do anything.

I know, I can't wait for the weekend, I can do nothing, just veg out. Do you find the ad's make it easier to veg out?

I'm normally quite good at getting going but I have absolutely no drive atm. I do have a corn on my toe though which is painful and it hurts to put weight on it so that might be why, it is being treated, again, so hopefully it'll go and I'll be more motivated.

How about motivational buddies? we could set each other daily tasks like get up earlier for you, go for a walk for me???

Not had my AD's today need to go pay bills tomorrow and do banking. Think I spiralled again today because of finding out what I did life sucks. As she said innocent until proven guilty what he he's found innocent where the hell does it leave me.

If that happens they'll all think I'm lying wont they DC's the lot

You'd have to ask the dc that personally, there could be a lot of reasons, like evidence beyond doubt etc

Have you asked the dc the whole spectrum of possible outcomes?

I believe you, I know it doesn't help but ...

No Dotty, if he is not convicted the police and everyone worth any of your time will just think it is down to lack of evidence. They clearly believe you or they wouldn't be supporting you through it.

Whatever the outcome you have done all you can. He knows he hasn't got away with it. Even if he walks free he knows his secret is out and people know what he is. That's the most important bit.
Prison is a joke in this country anyway. There will be some form of punishment for him, regardless of what happens with court.
Still hoping he gets proven guilty though

Dotty - I know exactly, exactly how you feel, down to the despair when you hear people tell you he is innocent until proven guilty.

It's infuriating, upsetting, you feel like a prisoner in your own life - while the abuser walks around as if nothing has happened.

But ...........

Something has happened - you have told your experience and you have been believed. They would never be taking it to court - if the police and CPS didn't believe it has happened exactly as you day it has.

I'm not going to lie to you - I think (speaking if what I know of our case) that there will always be some - and ignorant minority of people - who profess not to believe - and I think the same will be said regardless of verdict.

Those people are too set in their ways and don't want the truth.

But the vast majority of people - KNOW - the CPS don't prosecute these cases if they dont believe - not guilty does not mean innocent - it means there wasn't enough evidence. Whatever happens now people know, the police know, his PNC record will always be marked.

And most importantly IT knows that you have found a voice - and that people know him for what it is.

Morning all. I'm a bit hungover this morning so no loud noises! First time in a long time. Had a lovely night last night.

How is everyone today?

CCCCCCAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN

morning

Not sleeping atm, it gets unbearably hot about 11pm and stays hot with windows open, I swear my down stair neighbours have the heating on, it's horrible.

Other than that, feel shite, want to get july over with.

Urgh my head!!

I'm not a fan of the heat either Olympic. Was roasting here last night too. It was quite nice to walk home in the dark in a t-shirt, felt very holidayish, but sleeping and sweating is not a good combination.

and the cloyey cloggy hot air that chokes you actually that might just be me

I'm really glad you had a good night :)

Regale us? did you steal all the babycham, dance on tables and try and snog a policeman? No!! just me that does that then

I'm in grumpy bunny mode