Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Don't even know where I'm going,I'm not going to ruin DD1's birthday only 21 once makes me realise how long this has been controlling my life though after she was born is when it kicked off I SHOULD BE HAPPY he's right wait until later in week have paperwork to sort for DS's college that was another thing that knocked me down 4 dinner plates 3 side plates 4 bowls and a load of glasses in his room no meds since saturday morning I just can't do it anymore I've had enough.

thanks, I reckon our FB chats when DC is at dads, could serve as a scrap book about all the things DC wants .

Sigh, have to go to a meeting with middle DCs school tomorrow, to explain in person, what I have already explained on the phone.

Anyone would think I am asking for the moon, they did ask if the therapist would like to attend, because therapists who work for Rape Centres, are always free at the drop of a hat, and usually have a few hours to spare!!!!!

Im worn out with it all I really am.

Dotty, Im so sorry you are going through this, on top of everything else.

:(, I dont have any wise words I am afraid, do you and DH still love each other if thats not to nosy a question, please tell me to bugger off if it is.

Whydoi I cry uncontrollably just thinking about leaving but to be told to get a grip fucking hurts.

I know it hurts, Im not trying to minimise what he said, or its impact on you.

DH and I have had some terrible rows, and said some dreadful, hurtful things to each other, I put it down to the strain we are all living under.

Just can't do it anymore

According to smil he worships me but he is so lacking in emotion told not to be daft when I say they'll be better with me away.

:(, I dont know what to say.

Hugs Dotty, have you told him how much work he leaves for you to do, especially inregards to your ds as if you did leave he would have to take responsibility at least half the time?

Maybe laying down the law inregards to care for your ds, what is required, consistant parenting, your own stuff relating to court, how you want to be talked too etc might help also?

He's just come in just blurted it all out he says don't matter where I go it will still be in there until its been dealt with how he's proud of me don't wasn't to hear all that he's just cleared DS's room yet again he's actually sleeping for once last week he's hardly slept more than a couple of hours when he doesn't sleep I don't.

According to DH now I shouldn't bottle it up but let it all out told him I did this and he's glad I did I'm not I told him, but he says I've stopped it I'm 41 year old should be able to deal with it so why do I feel like 3 ft tall.

Told him what a fab day I had yesterday with my sister not the depressing one and I was fine until he was pushing me to try this fecking gowny on this morning he says he wants to buy me I don't deserve fuck all I can get my own things.

fuck Dotty I sound like your dh!

Do you think it's dissociation, the 3ft tall thing?

He sounds like he's being supportive but you are not comfortable with it possibly, do you know why?

If I clash heads with someone I try to work out if it's something I'm antsy about or something to do with them, iyswim?

I may be talking shite though :)

Yes it sounds like you are afraid of closeness, love, support etc. very understandable, very, very, understandable. Xx

How are you today dotty?

Still feel bad but mask is going on for DD2 today were taking her out for lunch this afternoon speaking to DH has helped a bit but I know I still have 9 weeks to wait until I know what's next.

Dotty - I know - the waiting is a killer isn't it.

Everything takes so long and while you are waiting, it feels like you are stuck in this frozen place, where you can't move forward, can't look backwards, just try to kill time while it crawls past (at least thats how it is for me).

Just wanted to say - you do deserve to be bought nice things as well - because you are an incredibly brave woman.

I've never liked anyone especially DH buyng me anything only just made the connection IT always bought me stuff as a child it was put down to me being the baby of the family we know different now. I should get out of the mindset that people only buy things if theres something to gain or a reward but it's hard.

I hope your day is going ok dotty, and that you're enjoying your lunch with your DD.

Afternoon all

I hope you are feeling a little better Dotty.

I felt terrible when I woke up this morning, but made myself take the DC to the park, and now after keeping busy with housework and ironing, I feel a bit better.
I was honest with my boss yesterday, admitted that I have PTSD, but not why, I'm on a career break, but returning soon, and I wanted him to be aware. I'm proud of myself for pushing through the shame and telling him. He was great, incredibly supportive.

How's everyone doing?

I'm ok, had a nice morning - a friend and his daughter visited for a few hours, the DD is a little older than my DS. It's cute to see them playing together.

I am very impressed that you told your boss chips, and I'm so pleased that he was supportive. When are due to go back to work? How do you feel about it?

Dotty, hope your lunch goes ok, keep talking, it helps.

Chips, I've told one of mine freelance and they've been great

Cailin, glad you had a good morning.

What, the limbo is so hard, stuck between moving on and getting it over with.

Not had a great day, socially isolated because of twat neighbour so people are gossiping and avoiding me, I love britain.

Blagh that's not good Olympic. What's happening with your neighbour?

Sounds like a nice day Cailin.

I go back to work in September, I love my job and the people I work for, I'm so glad he knows. I'm excited to get back to work, but nervous, I did a few hours to help out the other week and the stress caused a flashback, but admittedly it was the busiest week in a long time and I hadn't a clue what I was doing!

Oh dear Olympic, what's going on? Sounds stressful.

Olympic did you tell your work colleague about your past? I do wonder what I will say if my boss asks the cause. I'm trying very hard to hold my head high and feel no embarrassment about all of this

Do you think you could say "I was abused as a child, and I'm just working through all of it now" ?

Had nice lunch out DD1 didn't even get a card off my mum didn't expect one to be honest cousins up came through today not just mine and my sisters photo's but our kids as well fecking hurts how can she be so petty.